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16 Questions I Had Watching 'Scream' For The First Time

The (horror movie) virgin survives.

Let's just get it out of the way: I am a human who has never seen "Scream."

Yes, yes, I know. I'm a certified movie wuss who frequently has to take a break during scary movies, and often avoids them altogether. When I saw "The Ring" in theaters, actual tears were shed, and I made my parents unplug the TV and turn it toward the wall before I would even enter my room, to give you an idea of my usual reaction to horror.

So of course I watched "Scream," perhaps the modern classic horror movie, for the first time last night, to prep for MTV's "Scream," which is premiering on June 30. And, yes, I did watch a lot of it through my fingers.

I've been spoiled for a lot of stuff, including Ghostface's identity (though, as you'll see, I had to refresh myself on that one), but guess what? I still watched this with the lights on and a reliable movie buddy who had seen it a billion times by my side.

Here are 16 inane questions I had while watching "Scream" for the first time.

Spoilers for "Scream," obviously.

So all of this could have been avoided if she'd had an unlisted phone number? Landlines are a hazard.

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Why is Drew Barrymore engaging this guy in scary movie chats? Terrible idea. (Unless your idea is to get murdered.)

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Here's an idea: "Do you like scary movies?" "Nah." MOVIE OVER.

Poor Steve. Not a question, but here's one: if she's lying about even having a boyfriend, shouldn't he have broken up with her before she got him murdered for no reason?

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You died for nothing, Stove.

Where did her lipstick go? Does she think taking off her '90s lipstick is going to stop her from getting murdered? Because I think it probably won't.

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Who's the murderer? I'm just gonna go ahead and Google this.

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Problem solved.

What's up with that neon suit? The '90s weren't that long ago.

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Now that we know who the murderer is, on to the real questions.

Can't this guy find a new schtick? "Do you like scary movies?" Do you like new questions?

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How did they think canceling classes was going to help things? Or is this just a liability thing that high schools do for insurance purposes?

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Was there a non-sparkly version of the costume available?

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It's notably shimmery.

Uh-oh, the Fonz is gonna die, isn't he? Yep.

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Billy? Whaaaat a dud.

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Why is Matthew Lillard like this?

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Why is this happening?

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Is it just me, or is Matthew Lillard having too much fun? It's getting weird.

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She forgot her dad? Matthew Lillard made her forget her dad? He's been tied up in the closet, and she just...forgot?

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Oh, OK. The end! Sequel time!

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"Scream" premieres on MTV on June 30.