Hey teens: Want to go to a show, but have so math homework your soul is fixing to die? Well show curator/promoter/manager Jordan Michael Iannucci can help you out with your fractions and whatnot -- just send him a text before school's out and he'll do your homework for you in exchange for your face in the audience of one of his shows.
"I am a super-serious man, and obviously this is a joke, but it is a joke I will commit to far past doing homework," Iannucci told MTV News. "With that said, there is no formal offer. You in high school? Have homework? I'll do it, I guess. Text me, or something: 845-418-4508. We'll figure it out."
Iannucci -- who books shows around the East Coast featuring upcoming bands like Big Ups, Helado Negro and Shark? -- operates within the DIY, all-ages scene. Translation: You don't have to be over 21 to attend a show. As his Wu-Tang referencing website says: his shows are "4 the children."
Iannucci first came up with the homework idea while living with his parents in Orange County, New York. "My crib was literally in the same spot I am sitting in right now," Iannucci said. "I hated growing up and had no friends. My father has cancer, so I have spent the better part of a year taking care of him and commuting into the city for my shows."
Living at home put Iannucci right back into mindset of being young, and he started thinking about the trials and tribulations of being a kid -- especially when he was at the local gym, getting irritated by the influx of teens.
"I wish somebody could have helped me the way I needed help when I was their age," he said. "It all fell into place there on the StairMaster: I do all-ages shows multiple times a week. Adults go to them. I should get kids to go, because that's I what I needed when I was a kid."
So far, a few kids have taken him up on his offer: a 16-year-old girl and a 17-year-old guy. And, in addition to doing the kids' homework, the promoter also teaches them about the concert business.
I am meeting with a 17-year-old for pizza so I can explain how show booking works to him so he knows that and also how fat I am after pizza.
— Jordan Michael (@JMCAggregate) January 25, 2014
"I showed her how the PA system worked then introduced her to all the bands," he said of the 16-year-old. "She didn't know any of them, so I essentially introduced her to a bunch of adults a decade older than her who acted really awkward about it, but afterwards we went to a deli together for sandwiches. She likes a lot of feminist-themed punk music and blues."
The 17-year-old apparently doesn't even need Iannucci to do his homework. "He says he is smart and doesn't want me to do his homework because he can handle it fine, but he wants to 'get involved,'" Iannucci said. "So we are getting pizza before my show, and I am going to explain to him how I run shows from the initial emails to artists to securing a venue to figuring out what bands to book. I will detail how money flows throughout a show, the ethics of artist payment/alcohol sales/corporate sponsorship, dealing with the audience properly, and all that bullsh--."
Does anyone know how I find domain and range of trig functions?
— Jordan Michael (@JMCAggregate) January 17, 2014
Although Iannucci is dedicated to all-ages shows and this endeavor, he doesn't think that the homework aspect is really the sticking point when it comes to getting kids out to shows. "The barrier is a lack people to introduce them to the right things," he said.
Also, he's admittedly not that good at doing the homework in question ("I get about half the answers right and spend some time on my phone reading up to jog my memory of the subject," he said).
Still, he's willing to try. "There is an untapped underage audience, and a portion of it is in my audience," he said. "I cannot fix this problem by doing homework. I cannot make venues care about kids. I cannot change how local police departments treat the venues that decide to do all-ages shows. I'm kind of just hoping to help, like, a handful of high schoolers."