It is unlikely -- nay, impossible -- that you haven't heard of "The Breakfast Club," the seminal 1985 John Hughes film about five teenage stereotypes in a Saturday detention-turned-existential-crisis.
But what you might not have heard is that this year, in honor of the movie's 30th anniversary and March 10 Blu-ray release, "The Breakfast Club" will be briefly back in theaters nationwide on March 26 and 31, offering a whole new generation the chance to enjoy it as it was meant to be seen.
And if this doesn't sound exciting to you? That must just be because you don't understand the sheer enormity of this cultural moment. But that's cool, no worries: Understanding will now be foisted upon you. Why should you get stoked to see "The Breakfast Club" in theaters? WELL.
For starters, this is a major cinematic event.
"The Breakfast Club" is one of those seminal films that modern-day moviemakers are still constantly dropping references to, which means that getting to see it in its original big-screen format is like... going back to Titanic. (Or "Pitch Perfect.")
To quote Stefon: This movie has EVERYTHING. There's a dance montage!
A makeover scene!
A villain who'll make your skin crawl!
Even MORE feminism!
Graphic, gross, sordid depictions of teenage honesty!
While there are no grisly murders or digital explosions, "The Breakfast Club" deserves a violence rating for brutal freakin' truth-telling.
And you've ever wanted to learn the exquisite art of scornful bird-flipping, Claire Standish is the best teacher out there.
What's that? You want something to crush on? Let's talk about how this film combines the archetypal intellectual heartthrob and the rebellious mega-sexy bad boy into one delicious ball of hot dreamboat angst named "John Bender."
And every one of his lines is a solid gold quotable.
John Bender was dropping philosophical truthbombs on his peers before Augustus Waters was so much as a zygote.
Also, his hair is a wonder to behold.
And, P.S.: Since the director tragically passed away in 2009, this might legit be your last chance to see a John Hughes film in a movie theater.
But most of all, you should see "The Breakfast Club" because "The Breakfast Club" understands you.
Because inside each one of us is a brain, and an athlete, and a basket case, a princess, and a criminal. (Does that answer your question?)