On "American Horror Story: Hotel," the residents of the titular Hotel, the Cortez, all have one thing in common: instantly iconic style choices. (Sorry, make that two things -- because they also most definitely are all complicit in murder, too.)
Led by the (literally) timeless beauty The Countess (Lady Gaga), each and every member of the "Hotel" cast -- from the bartender to the maid to the dead junkie ghost -- sport some pretty iconic looks from multiple 20th century decades.
Those creepy vampire kids
Why has The Countess moved into the 21st century, while her creepy demon hellspawn vampire children stay clad in puritanical black-and-white formal wear from, like, 1914? Can't she take them to Gap Kids?
The worst part about being a ghost? Being stuck in the same outfit for all of eternity. Unfortunately for Hazel, her eternity will now be spent in a 1930s maid uniform. Yikes.
Det. John Lowe
He wears the same dang outfit every day. There's nothing wrong with a jacket and tie ensemble -- and Bentley is gorgeous, and pulls it off well -- but this is the Hotel Cortez. Go wild or go home. (Seriously, John -- GO HOME! What are you even still doing there?!)
It's not Sally's fault that she died in something a "Rent" understudy left at The Viper Room in 1993, and is stuck wearing it for eternity. But still.
Unlike Sally, Tristan has no excuse for his "forever stuck in the late '80s/'90s" fashion choices. We're sorry he died but not sorry that Wittrock will now be rocking iconic old Hollywood looks instead of emo streaks and glam-rock suits.
James Patrick March
Again, it's hard to put the ghosts on here, since it's a sort-of established rule that ghosts wear the same thing for the rest of eternity. March's 1930s-era suits are nice, but there isn't a whole lot of variety to work with, so on the lower end of this list he goes.
Alex's transition from high-falutin' modern doctor to goth-glam governess is 100 percent working for me.
Iris, much like multiple other characters on this series, is stuck in the past -- but at least she changes up the wardrobe, and the patterned '70s look just really works for her.
If Will Drake had more screen time, he'd probably be higher on this list -- being a major fashion designer, the dude knows his menswear. Those trench coats and scarves are fantastic.
Much like Will Drake, Ramona has experienced a criminal lack of screen time -- but when she is around, her disco attire is a series highlight. She's managed to effortlessly combine her history in the '70s with the trends of today, and of course, everything she rocks looks incredibly sexy. She's Angela Bassett, after all.
Whether it's an '80s power suit, a sleek leather jacket over a hoodie, or a flowing robe barely covering his masculine briefs, Bomer's character is a fashion powerhouse each and every week. Boom.
Obviously, Gaga's Countess is the one to beat. Sure, she's the only character who has been incredibly wealthy across multiple decades, so she has a bit of an unfair advantage, but still -- you can't deny that she rocks some of the greatest ensembles we've ever seen on this series. 1930s lingerie? Fantastic. '70s disco gowns? Amazing. Modern-day couture? You get the picture. She does it all, and she does it well.
Was anyone else ever going to be number one? Sure, The Countess has great wealth at her disposal and therefore can pick out some out-of-this-world couture, but in Halloweens to come we'd reckon you'll see a whole lot more bald heads and flowing robes over slip dresses than anything else. Denis O'Hare and the "AHS" team created an instant classic with this character, and we have a feeling her looks will be copied until the end of time.