This weekend at the Billboard Music Awards, Drake and Céline Dion finally met face-to-face, and in that moment I swear we were infinite.
But what did they talk about? This, my friends, remains a mystery. We know that Aubrey promised to get a Céline tattoo, and we know that she introduced him to her son and his friend. We also know that Dennis Graham posed with them in a photo, making this the only family portrait I have ever cared about.
But that’s it — whatever they discussed is a tantalizing secret. So that’s why I’m sharing my theories as to everything my best friend and my mom talked about. (See also: Drake and Céline Dion.)
Because how could they not? Earlier this week, my friend and I both wore denim jackets and black jeans, and I spent at least six minutes making #twinning jokes.
So imagine the majesty here. Imagine what it would be like to waltz backstage wearing an entirely white ensemble, only to be met by Canada’s queen, also in white, but wearing puffed sleeves like the only other Canadian woman able to pull them off.
If Drizzy didn’t make an Anne Shirley reference, he didn’t deserve to be near those sleeves.
Moments of gold, and flashes of light
Because there were things they’d never do again, but then they’d always seemed right. Drake goes on to describe his own “nights of endless pleasure” as being the ones where he stayed in and scrolled through Drake GIFs on Tumblr. He asks Céline if she’s ever seen one of his GIFs, and pretends he isn't emotionally ruined when she admits she's not sure what a GIF is.
A die-hard romantic like Drizzy would never back down from a conversation about whether Jack could’ve fit on that wardrobe door. But roughly 20 minutes into listening to him theorize, Céline gently places her hand on his shoulder and tells him it was only a movie — that Jack wasn’t real. Shattered, Drake looks up in shock, tears streaming down his face. Dennis and Céline make panicked eye contact. “I’m kidding!” she laughs. “I will sing in memory of Jack tonight.” Drake beams, knowing that somewhere Jack is smiling too.
Whipping her phone out, Céline Dion brings up my Twitter account. “Have you ever heard of this girl?” she asks. “She thinks poutine is overrated, too.” Drake sits down, renewed by validation. “I also think it’s overrated,” he says. “Who is she?” He lays his eyes on the words of Anne T. Donahue for the first time — she’s so funny and smart. He immediately closes the browser. It's just too much.
If two or more Canadians are gathered in a public space in a country other than Canada, they are contractually obligated to say “Justin Trudeau” at least one time. In this case, it happens as Drake and Céline are about to take a sip of sparkling water.
Sleepless in Seattle
Did you know that Céline Dion duetted on the theme song to Sleepless in Seattle? Drake does. Of course he does. So he asks whether she’s ever been to Seattle, and if she’d have chosen Tom Hanks at the end of the movie. Céline reminds Drake that the movie is almost a quarter-century old, and he laughs and sits down and says, “Of course.” He interrupts the next second of silence by asking if she likes You’ve Got Mail.
Céline remarks that Drake’s “Hotline Bling” turtlenecks look both cozy and warm. His eyes light up — he’s been waiting for this. “Do you want one?” he says. He opens his bag and pulls out all 74 turtlenecks. “Take your pick!” Céline chooses cashmere because she deserves the best and they both know it.
Aubrey looks at Céline. “We should —” She stops him. “Collaborate?” The room goes silent. Time stands still. Dennis sits down slowly, knowing he’s witnessed the most important moment in recent Canadian history. Drake nods, his eyes welling up. “Don’t do that,” Céline says, putting her hand on his cheek. “Save it for the album.” Drake whispers, “Album?”
But she’s gone, leaving only the promise of Let’s Talk About Views in her wake. Drake looks down. He’s holding one puffed sleeve. He is changed.