Milk: It does a body good.

That's the lesson learned by Ridiculousness star Steelo, who told a very special dairy tale on tonight's season premiere of Greatest Party Story Ever.

But did the funnyman make you LOL the most? Read on for recaps of the episode, then tell us which was your favorite. And get ready for more people (including, this season, a slew of celebs) re-telling their most hilarious tales of debauchery on GPSE every Thursday at 11/10c!

"Milk Dick"

Steelo thought he'd avoided an angry security guard's stream of pepper spray (don't. even. ask.), but turns out, he did get a bit on his hands. How'd he know? He accidentally touched his eye and immediately felt the burn. Then he took a shower and touched his, well, you know. Fortunately, Steelo's quick-thinking pal knew of a remedy and got hold of some dairy -- and get this: it worked. Said the very relieved funnyman: "I dipped my dick in this milk, and [it] felt like Heaven."

"Dolphin Skin"

Now that's an indecent proposal: When an older man approached this party boy and asked him to "f*ck" sleep with his equally older wife, the young buck checked out the woman's curves and agreed to "pipe this grandma down." Unfortunately, their rendezvous hit a roadblock (and no, it wasn't Granny's "dolphin skin"): The husband insisted on watching, and that was a deal-breaker for our Romeo. Still, he admits today that the experience taught him to never count out a mature woman: "I do look at white old grandmas kind of differently now," he said. "I'm like, 'She might have that good good.'"

"Thanks Obama"

A NYC waiter got the chance of a lifetime thanks to his wicked Barack Obama impression (and all those Youtube videos he made): He was invited to the White House, where he actually met the commander-in-chief. For his part, Obama enjoyed the young man's imitation, but he did offer one suggestion: "You're going to have to get some gray hair." D'oh!

"Demon in a Bottle"

After downing a bottle of booze given to him by his "full-on French" grandfather, this man (and his pals) started to hallucinate, climb trees and smash windows. The next morning, they found out why: The liquor, Grandpa explained, was a powerful French absinthe that should have been used in the tiniest amount imaginable and mixed with good old H20. Sacré bleu!

"Hot Pursuit"

What did Amanda do when her friend's bday party was raided by the cops? She ran like hell, natch. After being chased by a "massive" female officer -- "she looked like someone that could eat me," Amanda said -- our fearless fearful gal was taken into custody. But the worst was yet to come: When her mom arrived at the police station, she was aghast to see Amanda's attire for the evening. Oh yeah, did we forget to mention that the party had a "Pimps and Hos" theme?