A Crash Course in Stephenie Meyer Geometry

[caption id="attachment_171360" align="alignleft" width="300"]The Host Open Road[/caption]

Stephenie Meyer has journeyed away from the "Twilight" zone to create her first desert-based sci-fi tale with "The Host," the Andrew Niccol-directed adaptation for which hits theaters this weekend. However with all the current talk about the story's "love box," we realized there's definitely a running theme here within each of her stories: basic geometry.

Seriously! Think about it. In addition to being a supernatural story-slinger she's also a secret math wiz, which definitively explains why with each book she's been able to introduce a new variable or two and change the shape of the emotional constants involved just enough to create distinctly new formulas.

What began as a simple line between two hearts with the first "Twilight," for instance, wound up being a somehow still sensical rectangle of vampire-vampire-werewolf-hybrid entanglements. It all adds up!

So, sharpen up your pencils, students, because it's time to study some Stephenie Meyer-style story graphs.

'Twilight' (Straight Line Central)

"Twilight" has a series of simple, fairly uncomplicated straight lines, including the one between Bella and Edward. After that fateful day in the school lunchroom, the two only have eyes for each another. She's the one person whose mind he can't read, and she smells delicious. He's mysterious, beautiful and way more mature than the other guys at Forks High.

Sure, Mike Newton and Jessica Stanley add some simple human-style crushing into the mix, but neither have a spider monkey's chance in a tree once the lion and lamb have declared themselves. They'll wind up finding lukewarm comfort with one another, though, so all's well enough.

Meanwhile, the Cullens are a trio of inseparable pairs ... except, oh right, that James guy has a weird thing for Alice.


'New Moon' (Angular Ave.)

"New Moon" throws a wrench, so to speak, into the linearness of Edward and Bella's relationship. After someone gets a papercut and sends baby brother rehab (a.k.a. Jasper) into a frenzied bloodlust, Mr. Perfect hits the road and leaves Bell-er wide open for a wolf attack.

Jacob definitely doesn't mind that Bella's temporarily beyond repair, so long as she's free to play with his, er, tools.

Also, a dog? That'd be Sam, who drops it like it's not at all hot once he lays eyes on his girlfriend's cousin.


'Eclipse' (Triangle City)

In "Eclipse," things get pretty twisty between Bella and Jacob. She and Edward's axes seem right as the never-ending rain, but Jake thinks it's no fair that the vampire's weaseled his way back into town when he was thiiiis close to landing the leading lady (note: he probably wasn't). Ultimately, all it takes to stop the snarling is a meager consolation kiss.

Along the way, we learn that Miss Soothsayer Alice had the foresight to sense the right time and coordinates to swoop in and collect her mate from the clutches of Southern puppeteer Maria. Unfortunately for hometown hunk Riley, his vision's not quite developed enough to see that in addition to being a murdering bloodsucker who runs from all her real problems, Victoria's also a cruel, cruel wench.


'Breaking Dawn' (Rectangle Road)

"Breaking Dawn" throws all the equations on the table and them jumbles 'em up. Just when it seems like things are finally straightening back out for the newlyweds, Bella gets knocked up with a half-vampire who-knows-what. Talk about an anomaly; they miscalculated that one. Then, after she staves off doom enough to survive a non-sedated vampire cesarean, Bells wakes up to find out Jake's called dibs on her daughter and Edward's (mostly) okay with it because he can tell the mutt's intentions are oh-so-innocent. Hmph.

Also, since Jacob and his buddies killed Frenchie in Book Two, Irina's got a new agenda lined up against the new Mrs. Cullen, the sum of which will be a vampire world showdown in the snow with countless factors involved.

All is good, though, because "eternal ladies man" Charlie sees that Harry's death left Sue single and ready to mingle. A+ observation, Chief!


'The Host' (Love Box Town)

Finally, even though "The Host" subtracts all the vampires and adds in a planet full of aliens, love is still very much a part of the equation.

In a nutshell, Melanie Stryder is a regular gal until she's captured by alien seekers who've implanted themselves into almost every human on Earth. Wanderer is a really old "soul" who gets to cozy up under Mel's fresh skin, but this Melanie chick refuses to jet from her mind completely, so Wanda starts getting some trace feels for the girl's old flame Jared.

She makes way to the human's secret colony to convince J that M is still living upstairs, and bam! A random survivor named Ian becomes taken with the soul of the body snatcher, which totally has zip to do with Mel's darling little figure either ... right?


As with any legit infograph series, here's a color key for reference.

GLoss2As for the next installment, might we suggest a rhombus? Or maybe a full-on octagon of emotional wreckage?