The Movies of 2013: The Miscellaneous, Random, and Very Important Data

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Note: This article was co-authored by William Goss, but we have yet to unlock the technology required to publish a shared byline, so this italicized sentence will have to suffice for now.

Good, bad, biggest hit, worst flop -- who cares about that kind of information? We've compiled the statistics about the 2013 U.S. theatrical releases that REALLY matter. Memorize them for the future "2013 movie minutiae" Jeopardy! category and win big!

Shortest movie: "Solomon Grundy," 75 minutes

Longest movie: "The Wolf of Wall Street," 179 minutes

Shortest title: "42"

Longest title: "Going Attractions: The Definitive Story of the American Drive-in Movie"

Least enjoyable good movie: "12 Years a Slave"

Most enjoyable bad movie: "Getaway"

Movies in which a dog is killed: "The Hangover Part III," "Sightseers," "The Conjuring," "Fruitvale Station," "A Single Shot," "We Are What We Are," "A Haunted House" (We're counting "Riddick," too.)

Movies in which people wear face masks: "Pain & Gain," "You're Next," "The Hangover Part III," "The Purge," "The East," "The Lone Ranger," "Only God Forgives," "2 Guns," "Passion," "The Last Exorcism: Part II," "Man of Tai Chi"

Movies in which a woman stabs her husband with a kitchen knife: "Side Effects," "Safe Haven"

Movies in which the hero battles foes with a hammer: "Prisoners," "Thor: The Dark World," "Oldboy"

Movies involving seafaring peril: "Kon-Tiki," "A Hijacking," "Captain Phillips," "All is Lost," "Leviathan," "The Secret Life of Walter Mitty," "The Wolf of Wall Street"

Movies in which there's some question of whether a young witch will turn out to be good or bad: "Beautiful Creatures," "Oz the Great and Powerful," "Hansel & Gretel: Witch Hunters"

Movies in which Alden Ehrenreich plays a high school student who gets romantic with a dark-haired, potentially lethal girl who's the subject of rumors and gossip: "Beautiful Creatures," "Stoker"

Movies in which a former Disney star puts a gun in a man's mouth: Ryan Gosling in "The Place Beyond the Pines," Vanessa Hudgens in "Spring Breakers"

Movies in which the president is held hostage and an enemy flag is placed atop the White House: "Olympus Has Fallen," "G.I. Joe: Retaliation"

Movies in which a fictional U.S. president is a significant character: "Olympus Has Fallen," "G.I. Joe: Retaliation," "White House Down," "Iron Man 3"

Movies in which someone is bitten -- or fears they will be bitten -- by a snake: "Prince Avalanche," "Mud," "The Kings of Summer"

Movies featuring drug-fueled parties in gaudy Miami mansions: "Pain & Gain," "Iron Man 3"

Movies in which young black men who sell weed for a living make plans to attend their mothers' birthday parties: "Fruitvale Station," "Gimme the Loot"

Movies with scenes set at Princeton University: "Admission," "The Reluctant Fundamentalist"

Movies featuring comical references to waterboarding: "G.I. Joe: Retaliation," "Scary Movie 5," "2 Guns," "Kick-Ass 2"

Movies in which Air Force One is attacked while in flight: "Iron Man 3," "White House Down"

Movies in which dangerous teenage girls play classical music on the piano: "Stoker," "Byzantium"

Movies in which Saoirse Ronan is one of a pair of girls who kill people: "Violet & Daisy," "Byzantium"

Movies in which Saoirse Ronan must live a life on the run: "The Host," "How I Live Now," "Byzantium"

Movies released on July 3 in which sharp-fanged, carnivorous rabbits appear: "The Lone Ranger," "Despicable Me 2"

Movies in which people can see other people's memories: "Pacific Rim," "The Conjuring"

Spoof movies in which Lindsay Lohan plays herself and there's a joke about her ankle monitor: "Scary Movie 5," "InAPPropriate Comedy"

Coming-of-age comedies in which the protagonist's mentor-like figure is an irresponsible man who manages (and lives at) a public swimming pool: "The Way Way Back," "The To Do List"

Movies in which someone tries to extract information by playing Russian roulette with the gun aimed at the person's groin: "The Heat," "2 Guns"

Movies in which a father makes a joke to his teenage son about the son's fondness for masturbating in the shower: "The Kings of Summer," "Grown Ups 2"

Movies about involuntary road trips among strangers in which someone gets laughs by singing along with a song on the radio: "Identity Thief," "We're the Millers"

Movies in which Americans travel to Mexico and run afoul of crime bosses: "2 Guns," "We're the Millers," "The Hangover Part III," "The Counselor," "Go for Sisters"

Movies with black characters named Marcus: "The Spectacular Now," "Short Term 12," "Kick-Ass 2,"

Movies in which fugitive men want to reunite with their lovers but must be careful because the cops are watching: "Mud," "Ain't Them Bodies Saints"

Movies whose main characters are never identified by name: "All Is Lost," "The Counselor," "The Patience Stone”

Movies in which characters in space observe the Earth and remark on its beauty: “Gravity,” “Free Birds"

Movies in which a sextant is useful: "Escape Plan," "All Is Lost"

Movies in which Garret Hedlund drives cross-country: "On the Road," "Inside Llewyn Davis"

Biopics in which the protagonist, a gay poet, has an insane mother who is dragged kicking and screaming to the nuthouse: "Kill Your Darlings," "Reaching for the Moon"

Movies in which sad things happen at Sea World: "Blackfish," "Anchorman 2: The Legend Continues"

Coming-of-age comedies in which a promiscuous young woman takes up a lifeguard position: "The To Do List," "The Lifeguard"

Movies in which Ryan Gosling reluctantly engages in criminal behavior: "Gangster Squad," "The Place Beyond the Pines," "Only God Forgives"

Movies in which Steve Carell and Kristen Wiig play a couple: "Despicable Me 2," "Anchorman 2"

Movies in which Bruce Willis plays a man who reluctantly returns to action: "A Good Day to Die Hard," "G.I. Joe: Retaliation," "Red 2"

Movies that open with Michael Cera doing coke at a party: "This is the End," "Crystal Fairy"

Movies in which Harrison Ford mentors a young man: "42," "Paranoia," "Ender's Game"

Movies with sex scenes involving corn: "At Any Price," "Bastards"

Movies in which Brad Pitt is the voice of reason: "World War Z," "12 Years a Slave," "The Counselor"

Warm movies: "The Hunger Games: Catching Fire," "Kings of Summer," "The Heat," "Out of the Furnace," "Warm Bodies," "Passion," "Blue Is the Warmest Color"

Cold movies: "Frozen," "The Iceman"

Pessimistic movies: "This is the End," "All Is Lost," "It's a Disaster," "The World's End," "No One Lives"

Killer movies: "Kill Your Darlings," "Machete Kills," "The Act of Killing," "Killing Season," "Simon Killer"

Movies that think pretty highly of their title characters: "Oz the Great and Powerful," "The Great Gatsby," "The Incredible Burt Wonderstone"

Manly movies: "Iron Man 3," "Man of Steel," "The Best Man Holiday," "Delivery Man," "Dead Man Down," "The Iceman," "Spark: A Burning Man Story," "Is the Man Who Is Tall Happy?," "Man of Tai Chi," "Dead Man's Burden," "A Perfect Man"

Womanly movies: "I'm in Love with a Church Girl," "Girl Rising," "Girl Most Likely," "Mama," "Mother of George," "Go for Sisters"

Movies with uncomfortable scenes set around dinner tables: "Beautiful Creatures," "Stoker," "It's a Disaster," "The Big Wedding," "Peeples," "The East," "The Purge," "This is the End," "The Heat," "Killing Season," "Lee Daniels' The Butler," "You're Next," "Enough Said," "Don Jon," "We Are What We Are," "A.C.O.D.," "Nebraska," "The Best Man Holiday," "Inside Llewyn Davis," "Anchorman 2: The Legend Continues," "August: Osage County"