Emily Maynard is serious about this husband thing, y’all. How often do we see someone sent packing on a solo date in the very first week of Bachelorette date nights?

But while the pressure should be on, the men aren’t stepping up. If you had told me two weeks ago that Emily, who was so mousy in her season of The Bachelor, would be the most interesting aspect of this season so far, I would have had trouble believing it. But so few of the guys are registering with me in any way. The attempt to turn rich kid Kalon into this season’s version of Bentley only underscores how desperate the producers are to scrounge up a “personality” in this collection of sluggards.

Emily’s first solo date was with ex-football guy Ryan, who seems uncomplicated, like a basset hound. His “date” amounted to helping Emily bake cookies for her daughter’s soccer team, which I am positive is an everyday occurrence at Maynard Manor when the cameras aren’t rolling. The two later had a legitimate dinner date at a local restaurant, with half of Charlotte outside taking pictures (guess they’ve stopped worrying about spoilers). Emily gave him the rose, but it was a chemistry-free night.

13 of the remaining 19 men went on the group date, a performance alongside the Muppets that benefitted Emily’s hospital charity. It’s always nice to see the Muppets, but the guys added less than nothing to the proceedings. The drama came when Charlie, aka The Guy Who Konked His Head After A Balcony Collapsed, suggested to Emily that he might not have regained the mental agility yet to perform jokes in front of a crowd (he was given other, less tense duties). And the cocktail party featured the latest episode of Everybody Hates Kalon. I can’t wait till he does something to justify all the effort the show is putting into making him seem like a heel. Jef With One F received the group date rose, the latest signal that he’s clearly first among equals at this point.

Joe received the second group date, a quick plane trip to Emily’s home state of West Virginia, and the massive Greenbrier resort. Emily seemed quite well acquainted with the Greenbrier, so it’s looking like she’s been around money her whole life, a little detail that’s been kept from us till now. This was one of those dates where the bachelor was so caught up in the fantasy that he couldn’t see how badly he was tanking. He answered all Emily’s questions about his future with generalities, the pair generated no heat, and the Bachelorette sent him packing. At least she was the one in tears about it.

The highlight of the cocktail party was Ryan presenting Emily with a 7-page letter outlining everything he loved about their date … while Tony sat on the sidelines, waiting for her to finish so he could get some facetime. That may have been the most manhood-shrinking vignette I’ve ever seen on this show, and that’s saying a lot. And as for Ryan – uh, way to totally not come across as an obsessed weirdo, fella!

Aaron and Kyle were sent home at the cocktail party, and that means as much to you as it meant to me. As for the horse race, Jef With One F still leads, with Arie right behind – you can tell he’s been a minor public figure, because he seems very natural in this situation. Everyone else has an issue that’s keeping me from seeing them as a contender: Doug is kind of hotheaded and already has a preteen son; Chris acts too clingy; Kalon is getting the bad guy edit; Tony is missing his manhood; Ryan writes Unabomber manifestos; Wolf calls himself "Wolf;" Travis still has that damn egg, etc.

Next week:  Maybe I spoke too soon about the egg.