Tonight we're live-blogging the 58th Annual Grammy Awards from the MTV News Situation Room.
With us tonight are Hazel Cills, Ira Madison III, Molly Beauchemin, Jessica Hopper, Mark Lisanti, Alex Pappademas, Molly Lambert, Meaghan Garvey, Teo Bugbee, and Dan Fierman.
Turner: “#Grammys,” just in case you forgot what you were watching two seconds in.
Pappademas: T-Swift live from the Godswood
Cills: This jumpsuit is kind of on some Kate Bush vibe.
Beauchemin: So happy they let Anna Wintour open the Grammys this year.
Cills: Wish Harry were here for this.
Turner: Adele is gently swaying. Very gently. Not GIF-able.
Bugbee: Even when she sounds bad, Taylor Swift can always count on feeling better about her performance than any other person onstage.
Hopper: I am feeling the late-era Peter Gabriel vibe of this, though.
Pappademas: ONLY TAYLOR DECIDES WHAT YEAR IT IS
Garvey: Dance moves were very “Loonette on Big Comfy Couch does the clock dance.”
Pappademas: LL Cool J, a 2-time Grammy winner, 9-time nominee, and 11,000-time awards-show host
Madison III: Remember when LL Cool J was sexy and not just the Ryan Seacrest of the GRAMMYs?
Turner: No, I was born in 1992, I don’t remember the sexy days.
Fierman: [Checks calendar. Collapses into a heap of dust.]
Beauchemin: I’m waiting for the Grammy Babies commercial. Lionel Richie’s face looks like a zit that’s ready to pop. Don’t squeeze him, LL Cool J!!
Hopper: Remember LAST YEAR, guys? Wasn’t that … amazing?
Cills: The whole thing sounds like a valedictorian giving a graduation speech.
Lisanti: Nobody knew this, but both Adele and Lionel Richie have songs with "hello" in them.
Garvey: I miss Imagine Dragons.
Pappademas: LL’s been practicing his “sad about Bowie” applause-break face for weeks.
Lisanti: Hamilton is the most popular work of art that only people with over $1,000 or a winning lottery ticket have ever seen.
Beauchemin: Is it me or is LL hammering a lot of sexual innuendo à la “can’t wait for him to get his golden ticket into Broadway”
Turner: If not for VH1, I ‘d have no idea who Run DMC are.
Pappademas: O’Shea Jr. had to bring the Infinity Gems out
Turner: I’m just happy Kendrick is on his only black professor at a liberal arts swag.
Pappademas: I hope Taylor also dedicates an award to Illmatic
Pappademas: Von Miller’s jacket on that Lisa Frank swag
Lisanti: Glad they brought out two NFL guys to throw a spotlight on the fact that LL Cool J almost certainly suffers from hosting-CTE.
Bugbee: Has anyone told Macklemore that apparently you can call white rapping country now?
Cills: Hunt sounds like he’s struggling to keep up with Underwood, and the amount of eye contact going on in this performance is unsettling.
Hopper: Sam Hunt has a real The Lost Wahlberg vibe to him. Why is Carrie Underwood wearing a bathing suit cover-up?
Beauchemin: There’s a nice “Kat and Garth” vibe to this sing-along. I feel like they don’t know each other’s songs.
Hopper: Or each other. Stranger danger!
Turner: It’s amazing that so many seasons of American Idol happened and Underwood was the last successful one. That was like a decade ago.
Bugbee: This guy is every winner from Season 7 on
Beauchemin: Points if you can successfully tally the number of times the Weeknd pulls the mic to the slight left and then sharply pulls it back.
Turner: He’s turning the other Michael Jackson–lite single into zzzz.
Pappademas: Abel is cosplaying the “wave” emoji tonight
Lambert: Really missing the opportunity for the CGI Rick James.
Garvey: You can just feel him dying inside ever so slightly whenever he does the contractually obligated “You’re the New Michael Jackson” Charlie Brown dance.
Lambert: Just your reminder that The Weeknd will be performing “Worth It” at THE OSCARS.
Turner: Is there any way we can absolve him of these performances? There is no way he can be happy with this.
Garvey: So far this Selena Gomez Pantene commercial is far and away the highlight of this, Music’s Biggest Night.
Fierman: Her hair truly contains secrets.
Lambert: YOU GUYS, VANITY DIED. I’M SAD NOW. #LAKEMINNETONKA
Turner: SELENA SELENA SELENA SELENA SELENOR
Beauchemin: Selena channeling the “indie girl voice” Vine really hard right here. Welcome to her kitchen, she’s got bananas and Ellie Goulding.
Cills: I’m still surprised 50 Shades gave us two Grammy-nominated songs. Like WTF.
Madison III: AND YET NO GRAMMYS FOR RITA ORA, THEY DIDN'T EVEN LET HER SING ON THE SOUNDTRACK.
Cills: Goulding basically has the career Ora could have had. I blame Ken Doll Calvin Harris.
Turner: I just want a polar bear fur right now.
Lisanti: Andra Day's coat is going to maul Leonardo DiCaprio to death at an after-party.
Garvey: I … feel like these two voices fundamentally sound awful together, but you know what, do your thing, I’m having a good time.
Lambert: Remember the year that was “mash-up-themed.” This is a bit like that.
Pappademas: I bet when Gary Sinise founded the Steppenwolf Theatre Company he was dreaming of the day he’d get to present the Grammy for Best Country Album
Pappademas: IMMA LET YOU FINISH, BUT THE LT. DAN BAND HAD THE GREATEST COUNTRY ALBUM OF ALL TIME
Madison III: It's not a music awards show until Gary Sinise shows up!
Pappademas: or not
Lambert: I’m just excited for this thread to shade the house down when the David Bowie Lady Gaga tribute starts.
Beauchemin: What is Bow Wow now, like 56 years old?
Turner: There are so many performances before the good ones start. Why is this never ending?
Lambert: So bored of this style of down-home bro country. It’s almost like we need someone to come along and revolutionize country music ... someone like The Eagles.
Pappademas: Still to come, Skrillex, with an emotional skribute to Glenn Frey
Turner: Skrillex is one of the greatest guitarists of our times according to Spin, so I’m excited to see how he treats the material.
Lambert: I’d fux with the Hotel Skrillafornia.
Pappademas: “I’m just really glad to be here” —James Corden trapped in a burning building
Lisanti: Guys, I know Lionel Richie is in the audience, but is he dead? Maybe they're trying to tell us something with this tribute.
Turner: Why are there so many white people giving tribute to Lionel Richie?
Cills: Really wish the Lionel Richie lineup for the tribute was delivered in a Stefan-from-SNL voice
Turner: I’m excited to Richie’s music in through the bro-country Luke Bryan filter.
Cills: S/O to Demi’s intense body glitter
Bugbee: Demi is singing this as the lady stalker anthem it was always meant to be.
Turner: Happy to know this is what all those years on the Disney Channel were leading up to.
Madison III: Adele could've sang "Hello" and spared us this nonsense.
Pappademas: Love Lionel’s “Luke who?” face.
Lisanti: This tribute is going to end with everyone in the audience invited onstage to sculpt an enormous Lionel Richie head out of clay.
Bugbe: Wall Street finance bro karaoke night.
Beauchemin: Demi’s like, “Don’t worry, Luke, I’ll start the slow clap you will never earn”
Garvey: I feel like it’s important to note, in the wake of Kanye Album Titlegate, that Meghan Trainor called her album “Title” last year and we should all cut him some slack.
Cills: You can just see Richie’s face slowly falling with each new song that starts.
Hopper: This is like real casino-grade entertainment.
Lisanti: AND NOW THE TENTH-MOST POPULAR MEMBER OF THE FAST AND FURIOUS ENSEMBLE TO DELIGHT YOU WITH SONG.
Pappademas: LOUDEST APPLAUSE OF THE NIGHT FOR TYRESE
Garvey: It’s because the #millennials have mistaken him for Cryface MJ.
Pappademas: I see you bobbing your head to Tyrese, Dave Grohl.
Beauchemin: Tyrese is like, THIS IS MY COMEBACK FROM FAST & FURIOUS -- IT’S MY MOMENT
Turner: Demi is about to cry from embarrassment.
Pappademas: Wait, did Lionel just selectively high-five only Demi and John Legend?
Lambert: I will never hear anything bad about Meghan Trainor, this is perfect for her! Tyrese has a Benihana in his house -- no wonder he is so stoked to be alive!
Beauchemin: This is the best cruise I’ve ever been on.
Hopper: Chrissy Teigen doesn’t know the words, but Grohl is straight-up FROWING.
Pappademas: WIZ WEARS COOL VESTS
Cills: All the youths are waiting for Bieber, make no mistake.
Turner: Rihanna canceled, I guess we’re done here. Good job!
Bugbee: *insert Rihanna rolling up window GIF here*
Madison III: "I gave them ANTI," Rihanna said, shrugging as she exited.
Garvey: SURPRISE RITA ORA PERFORMANCE, GUYS!!!
Madison III: "Put me in, coach!" —Rita
Lisanti: Rihanna had to cancel while she figures out how to subscribe to Tidal.
Pappademas: Delta, the official airline of President Snow
Pappademas: “He’s taught band and choir in North Carolina for 27 years and here he is, for 2.7 seconds"
Hopper: Where do you gals think Rihanna went? Kris Jenner cookie party?
Bugbee: This is the best introduction to a song I’ve ever heard. “No one liked this at first ... but they came around.”
Cills: Lots of negging going on in the introductions!
Turner: Is this the country Pentatonix?
Garvey: Wait, so is this like the "respectable" “I Kissed a Girl”? :( :(
Bugbee: My kingdom for a Bonnie Raitt cutaway.
Lambert: I am ready to defend this song!
Cills: Go forth!
Lambert: Little Big Town are like two middle-aged married couples who had a hit with a song called “Pontoon”
Lambert: And this song is about being obsessed with the person you’re being cheated on with, à la Britney’s “Perfume.” Not, like, fun weekend bisexuality, but creepy obsessive stalking.
Pappademas: I like this song, too, but the Academy Awards string arrangement is doing nothing for me
Cills: OK, that’s something I can definitely dig on paper.
Lambert: And it got banned on some country radio stations for being too gay.
Garvey: Whoa, OK, that’s chill, I take it back.
Cills: Hmmm, are Little Big Town the most punk act at the Grammys rn? BANNED music? Wait JK I forgot Rihanna left.
Lambert: BANNED IN THE USA, 2 LIVE LITTLE BIG TOWN.
Cills: Rihanna is off sipping whiskey somewhere with Melissa.
Turner: How can there be an Earth, Wind & Fire tribute without instruments? How??
Pappademas: Which Pentatonic is the Zayn
Beauchemin: ^ Stevie.
Lambert: OH GOD NO NOT A CAPPELLA.
Fierman: Pentatonix with a very strong “I volunteer as tribute” vibe going here.
Beauchemin: TAYLOR STOP MAKING IT ABOUT YOU
Lambert: I am so horrified that Pentatonix is not the name of an acid-folk band.
Lisanti: Pentatonix is a very successful rebrand for Rockapella.
Turner: Yeeeeessss. My boy! Ed with the win!
Lisanti: Even when Taylor doesn't win, she wins.
Lambert: I have seen Ed Sheeran beatbox. He’s pretty good.
Madison III: I'm so glad Kendrick didn't win, because Taylor would have tackled him to the ground while "cheering" him on.
Pappademas: Sheeran’s cowriter cut off by Glenn Frey talking about the importance of coming in at the right time
Turner: Free Amy Wadge!
Bugbee: This is going to be the respectable dad rock performance before Johnny Depp comes around to kill what was left of my '90s crush.
Lambert: I NEED SILENCE DURING THE EAGLES.
Lisanti: Quick, everyone under 35 out of the country.
Turner: I just Googled “Take It Easy”
Lambert: LOOK HOW MUCH HAIR THEY ALL STILL HAVE.
Lambert: For guys who fucking hate each other, they’re always so chill.
Pappademas: I don’t have a lot of love in my heart for Don Henley, but he’s visibly struggling to hold it together.
Pappademas: TAKE IT GIGI
Hopper: I am really impressed with Jackson Browne’s return to his OG face
Turner: I love seeing Instagram on my TV screen, it reminds me how much my phone dominates my life.
Pappademas: Anna Kendrick had a dreeeeeeam
Garvey: “There are things in music that do change.” That’s true.
Turner: *Extremely tepid bro with a huge hat voice* Hey, guys, I’m James.
Cills: What is hiding under James Bay’s hat.
Beauchemin: James Bay vs. Tori Kelly: Who wore this guitar better?
Beauchemin: James Bay is like a cross between Jack White and John Mayer in his douchier long-hair days. Visually speaking.
Garvey: Forced eye contact is trending for 2016.
Hopper: Tori Kelly is like the person that perpetually comes in in fifth place on The Voice but winds up being the only one from that season with a career.
Bugbee: She’s very "Team Blake"
Madison III: BLESS HAMILTON
Turner: I’ve never experienced Hamilton. I was so pure before now.
Pappademas: This is the moment I come clean and admit I’ve never made it more than 15 seconds into a HAMILTON song
Cills: Same, I can’t get down with it, but also I hate musicals. [shields body from thrown stones]
Bugbee: Right now my mom is crossing herself and thanking the Puerto Rican gods Hamilton showed up before 10. Jk my mom is agnostic. To religion, not Hamilton.
Beauchemin: This is like Def Poetry meets Lion King, only with horrendous political guilt
Lisanti: I think ruffled collars and cuffs are about to come back in a huge way.
Turner: This is so painfully cheesy, but I also stand against theater.
Lambert: The coolest musical ever is still a musical. Also, the coolest musical is West Side Story.
Hopper: Do you think Rihanna split to make the late seating of Hamilton?
Pappademas: S/O to whoever was in the booth like “Find me some nervous-looking white people in tuxedos"
Lisanti: "Cute number, Hamiltons." —Kendrick
Lambert: CAN WE GET A MUSICAL FROM KENDRICK? THIS STAGE DESIGN IS GREAT.
Pappademas: Somebody just called me Skip Bayless for mocking HAMILTON on Twitter
Pappademas: Between this and “Blue Faces” on Colbert a few weeks ago, Cornrow Kenny is doing a whole lot of career-best work on CBS.
Lambert: Good thing they played the womp-womp horn when Seth MacFarlane appeared.
Lambert: All the Hamiltons go to Hamilton.
Lambert: Let’s take bets on how many wigs Gaga will use in the Bowie tribute!
Cills: The glimmer I saw of her on the red carpet had her in a bright-orange mullet-type situation, so there’s numero uno.
Lisanti: And now, a Gwen Stefani Target commercial intentionally indistinguishable from any live Grammy performance.
Cills: I really dig this song! I want new Gwen!
Lambert: I like Gwen’s “Ciao, Manhattan!” look!
Bugbee: I’ve spent this whole commercial trying to figure out if this is shade? Can commercials be shady?
Pappademas: Miguel beamed in live from the alternate timeline where The Weeknd didn’t win 2015
Lambert: No more up-tempo numbers for you, Miguel! (Because he kicked that girl in the head.)
Lambert: Miguel is great, too, but that head kick screwed his career up. He could have had it all.
Pappademas: Salute to Michael Jackson feels like a memoriam for the monoculture
Cills: Can’t believe those crazy Wolf Alice kids were nom’d for a Grammy.
Lambert: It feels like an “In Memoriam” for the “In Memoriam” segment in general.
Turner: I haven’t heard the Adele song, but isn’t this supposed to be good?!
Cills: This is the one Mars wrote to push her vocal comfort zone, I believe.
Bugbee: If this song were released in the '90s, it would have been sung by Peabo Bryson. I dig it?
Pappademas: This is like the third time tonight I’ve expected the In Memoriam montage to kick in
Turner: I really wish Bruno and his crew wrote for everyone.
Lambert: OK, let’s talk about how Adele is human. I honestly feel like it’s endearing me to her even more that she fudged a big note after all that insane promo buildup. WHO COULD DELIVER? (Aside from Yonce.)
Cills: I agree!
Turner: I like how this is “bad” but this is still 100 percent better than anyone else in the room.
Lambert: Everybody goes flat live sometimes, even queens.
Lambert: OK, this is kind of rough. To be fair, the range on this song seems impossible.
Bugbee: Every movie trailer that plays is worse than the last.
Lambert: Oh man, The Hollywood Vampires, I almost forgot!
Lisanti: And they're doing a Lemmy tribute! And possibly Alice Cooper will show off some new golf clubs.
Pappademas: In the somber spirit of the occasion, Johnny Depp is wearing only three ankh necklaces.
Garvey: Guys, have you seen this zany new commercial with a keyboard-playing CAT?!
Pappademas: Bieber’s jacket is quite a lot of jacket.
Garvey: Every non-American performer thus far has been called a “global sensation.”
Cills: BIEBER BIEBER BIEEEEEBER
Turner: The redemption arc is complete! We love you again, Bieber.
Cills: WHERE IS THE SELENA CAM??????
Madison III: This jacket and the guitar looks like a performance from the TRL archives.
Lambert: Huh, I guess it is funny to make people say “Jack U” on TV. Point, Diplex.
Pappademas: “My job” —Justin Bieber
Hopper: That's the weirdest part of this song, still, is when he says “MY JOB”
Garvey: OH IT’S LITTTTTTTTTTT!
Cills: This background looks like an old-school Apple commercial.
Turner: The EDM is about to happen!
Hopper: Oh shit, is that an ELECTRIC violin? Please god answer my prayers and let it be. Like how they turned this into like EDM Cursive.
Pappademas: Drink if you had “Diplo on Mellotron” in some kind of drinking pool
Lambert: IS BIEBER GOING ELECTRIC? (VIOLIN)
Hopper: Is JB’s jacket from Nicki Minaj’s Kmart line?
Cills: This sounds like a Coldplay song. I miss the weird, warped Bieber-voice dolphin whistle.
Turner: I’m so happy Sonny is back to his roots.
Lambert: Bieber looking verrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrry Stephen Dorff.
Hopper: His mom needs to get him some discreet Jolen from the drugstore for that ‘stache.
Lambert: And this is verrrrrrry PBS Presents Celtic Thunder.
Pappademas: SAFETY DANCE
Cills: WHAT ARE THESE DRUMS?
Lambert: WHERE IS MICK FLEETWOOD NOW THAT U NEED HIM?
Pappademas: Here to pass along the Best New Artist curse, Sam Smith
Lisanti: Meghan Trainor still eligible for Best New Artist despite debuting in late 1897.
Beauchemin: Sam Smith looks like Ricky Gervais now?
Cills: Courtney won in my dreams.
Pappademas: Did anybody see Giuliana try to interview Courtney Barnett on the red carpet earlier? It was like “This Big Scary Praying Mantis Really Wants To Bond With Her Starbucks Barista."
Cills: Oh my god.
Lambert: Love U Meghan Trainor my Sketchers queen from Nantucket!
Pappademas: (I was rooting for CB, too. If Meagan Trainor can win Best New Artist, I think “Gold Digger” has a shot at Record of the Year)
Lisanti: I could see Courtney Barnett dodging that flying Grammy curse in bullet-time.
Garvey: ATTENTION. Re: Bieber performance, the word “RIVERDAB” has appeared on my timeline.
Pappademas: @Garvey dead emoji
Garvey: Let’s all give it up to Ed Sheeran for not sharting onstage this time like he literally, actually did once.
Pappademas: Gaga breaking out the Snapchat filters
Turner: The only thing I know about Bowie was “Space Oddity” and “Let’s Dance,” so I’m oddly the perfect target for this.
Cills: I feel like Gaga is wearing a Bowie Halloween costume.
Bugbee: I see we’ve arrived at the Muriel’s Wedding portion of the ceremony.
Madison III: Loving this Rocky Horror Picture Show tribute.
Cills: WTF is this Cronenberg-esque robot keyboard.
Lisanti: The late Lionel Richie has to be feeling a little ripped off by his tribute right about now.
Turner: I’m kind of loving this.
Pappademas: The 15-minute PETER AND THE WOLF interlude is gonna be lit
Lisanti: I hope they don't skip the part where Gaga humiliates Ricky Gervais.
Cills: They shoulda picked, like, maybe three songs to make into a medley, IDK. Or just do a stand-alone performance of like “Heroes” or something! We KNOW Bowie’s music, we don’t need to know Gaga as ALL of Bowie.
Madison III: This is lit! Weird af, but whatever, it's better than white people plucking guitars.
Pappademas: I like these songs, but I can’t help thinking Bowie would have wanted something less dutiful. They should have asked Kanye to do it. Or Jo Calderone.
Hopper: This is such a weird, MACHO caricature -- it’s like watching Liza Minnelli impersonate Bowie. Adding insult to injury of him being dead -- this?
Lambert: What, no "Station to Station"? This is so Grammys. I can’t hate a campy tribute. Not boring!
Madison III: I'm good not seeing Kanye onstage doing Bowie with models in his shitty Yeezy clothes. The performance would've been about him. I could at least see Gaga really loves Bowie.
Lambert: Like these are the best 1970s-variety-special Bowie covers I’ve ever seen.
Lisanti: They just teased "a rocking finale by Pitbull," so there's still time for us to get down there and torch the Staples Center before that can happen.
Lambert: No Pitbull slander will be heard in this house! #DALE
Garvey: Pitbull > Eagles
Turner: Lady Gaga is a better rapper than Nas.
Garvey: Just think, though: We’re only one year away from Soulja Boy’s finale performance celebrating 10 years of “Crank Dat.”
Pappademas: Except it’ll be a special tribute to “Crank Dat” performed by Jessie J and John Legend.
Lisanti: In the back seat for James Corden's "Car crankdateoke."
Fierman: "The Thrill Is Gone"? A little on the nose, hour three of the Grammys.
Pappademas: The Skrill Is Gone.
Bugbee: Wait, are they not going to let Bonnie Raitt sing?? No Rihanna, no Bonnie, why am I even watching this??
Turner: Teo, same. Same.
Bugbee: Oh thank God. Ugh, get it Bonnie.
Bugbee: Lol at the camera cutting that anonymous two-time Grammy winner out of the very important shot with Bonnie Raitt and Gary Clark Jr. It me.
Garvey: It’s crazy how we we’ve been watching this for four days.
Turner: Why are there so many guitars at this event? I’m 23, we don’t guitar.
Madison III: That was a beautiful tribute -- was it sponsored by Intel too?
Lisanti: I thought Pitbull did a very respectful job with it ...
Turner: I though the full body suit was a bit much, to be honest.
Garvey: I wonder what’s happening on The Bachelor.
Pappademas: Full text of Producer of the Year Jeff Bhasker’s acceptance speech: ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
Hopper: I fucking love Brittany Howard. This is one of my singles of the year just because of her voice. She could sing that entire Chris Stapleton album and I would STILL listen to it.
Pappademas: This whole show is a very convincing retcon of 2015 as a great year for guitar-based rock music
Cills: Truly, and we’re JUST getting to the American Vamps.
Turner: Is the 100 percent opposite of Kanye. This really needs Kanye and Rihanna.
Lisanti: At least someone's having fun with it: https://twitter.com/MiaFarrow/status/699438026078945280
Pappademas: "Please welcome the leader of Foo Fighters, with 15 Grammy awards” —- did that sentence make anybody else expect him to be carrying all 15 of them?
Cills: Good night for old dudes with silky long locks.
Turner: I hate rock and roll so much.
Cills: Well, I’m glad SOMEONE at this show is wearing a bloodied pirate shirt.
Lambert: Tropical house version of “Ace of Spades” or bust.
Bugbee: This is draggier than Gaga.
Hopper: Look, it’s some people who are still alive and some people who got kicked out of Guns N Roses. Literal only way they could redeem this is by playing an entire side of a Hawkwind album and refusing to get offstage.
Lambert: AND NOW, IT’S 1989 AGAIN! WELCOME TO THE RAINBOW ROOM!
Pappademas: I think one of the most interesting things about Milwaukee is that it's the only American city to elect three Socialist mayors.
Lisanti: This is like Camp Freddy with a pyro budget. Oh my God, please don't bother to Google "Camp Freddy."
Cills: Which one is Johnny, I can’t tell anymore.
Madison III: More like Freddy Krueger. I'm going to have nightmares about this.
Lambert: Alex, the kids won’t get that joke because Wayne’s World is from before they were born.
Lambert: Uh, did someone just wipe some coke off their face? Like Neil Young in The Last Waltz, but less cool.
Lisanti: I don't know, 40 guitars seems like the right number of other guitars to drown out Johnny Depp's guitar playing.
Beauchemin: things that would be better than this:
-- Having nails pushed through my eyelids
-- Watching how cows get made into hamburgers
-- Listening to David Beckham talk
-- Listening to boys argue about sports I don’t care about
-- Watching the third Pirates movie three times in a row
-- Bringing Jack U back onstage
-- Smelling Alice Cooper's jock strap right now
Hopper: Duff McKagan is def the only person who has ever played “Ace of Spades” in a band practice before.
Bugbee: This is Johnny Depp’s first time playing this on a non-air guitar.
Lambert: This would be cooler if Depp were still cosplaying Trump.
Hopper: Who is the woman next to Bruno Mars who just muttered “wow”? Would love to meet her and find out why.
Lisanti: Lemmy just puked up 400 Jack-and-Cokes and punched a hole in the screen of God's video poker machine.
Pappademas: Common’s evolution from slightly earnest rapper to King of the Cheeseballs, while retrospectively unsurprising, is still kind of a tragedy
Turner: Support Tidal! Support Tidal! Support Tidal!
Garvey: Please give us money! But anyway, DEATH.
Pappademas: "Collecting vinyl"
Turner: Wow, feeling so many emotions for these country swing fiddle players.
Lambert: “Down in the Boondocks” is a jam, tho.
Pappademas: I looked away for a minute, did I miss Chinx Drugz
Lambert: I’ve said this before, but at the AVN Awards they do the “In Memoriam” at the beginning of the show to make everyone sit down and shut up, and it’s brilliant because everyone does.
Pappademas: In related news, Pitbull is dressed like the Paul Shaffer from a porn parody of David Letterman tonight
Lisanti: I am pretty excited for this Pitbull finale to kick off the second half of the show.
Turner: It is time, y’all.
Turner: YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES!
Cills: She cannot do the whole surprised thing again.
Pappademas: This is actually a surprising win, but she’s the Chicken Little of being surprised
Lisanti: I think it's finally time she goes with, "You know what? I fucking knew I had this one."
Cills: Yeah, she did, that “first woman to win twice” line.
Garvey: I can’t believe she brought Macklemore onstage with her, so nice!
Bugbee: “As the first woman to win Album of the Year twice, I would like to thank white mediocrity … and now, presenting Beyoncé!”
Pappademas: YEEZY YEEZY YEEZY Is that the first ever acceptance speech delivered in the form of a subtweet?
Hopper: Björk wrote that acceptance speech a year ago, Tay-Tay, but I appreciate the paraphrase/signal boost.
Lambert: SWIFTFAN SWIFTFAN SWIFTFAN
Lisanti: Kanye just announced that he's never selling Taylor's Grammys, you gotta go get them on Tidal.
Fierman: We are watching the Grammys. We have always been watching the Grammys. We will always be watching the Grammys.
Lambert: COME TO SWIFT ROW!!!!!!
Turner: Can Sheeran do it again???
Hopper: Who is Joe Perry paying for this placement? They did a killer job.
Lambert: Well, at least Bruno Mars won for the song he and Mark Ronson made that sounds just like a Morris Day and the Time song on this, the day of Vanity’s passing into the next world. #PurpleRain
PAPPADEMAS: “Some real bad men … Joe Perry, Travis Barker, and Robin Thicke.”
Fierman: THIS IS THE FINALE?!?! BEYONCÉ WAS RIGHT THERE.
Cills: Digging these, like, Wiggles-style taxi costumes.
Lambert: Hold up, they found a supergroup scuzzier than the Hollywood Vampires???
Cills: David keeps whispering “I don’t understand, I don’t understand” next to me
Lisanti: "To be honest, we never thought anybody would live to the end of the show to actually see this."
Hopper: A murderers' row of disgraced creeps! TITE!
Turner: As a professional writer, I’m happy to see that the writers for the script got some screen time.
Madison III: I thought the music industry issued a restraining order to Robin Thicke.
Bugbee: The Grammys died as they lived, 50 years too late.
Hopper: Did they write this song for the Grammys™? It’s super on point. It is perfectly Grammys.
Bugbee: David Bowie died so he wouldn’t have to watch this.
Pappademas: JOE PERRY BREAK IT DOWN LIKE