Even without the ever-endangered presence of Elena Gilbert (Nina Dobrev), "The Vampire Diaries" Season 7 is still full of the usual Mystic Falls formula, including one psycho vampire who puts everyone else in peril (now Julian), one budding relationship that's probably doomed from the start (Bonnie and Enzo), the Salvatore brothers' love tiffs and lots of journeys back to explain the tension, and some kinda magic-in-the-making that's so ridiculous it's believable.

In this week's installment, which aired on Thursday (Nov. 19), Caroline's bombshell pregnancy announcement might have been for naught, and now that Julian's got the heads up that he's got a target on his forehead -- or perhaps more appropriately, his heart -- he's going to be a lot harder to kill.

But, as always, the boys have a plan. And let's just say it involves bringing a special someone to the table for Thanksgiving dinner: MOM.

The Salvatore Squad

Instead of going straight for the mark -- that is, Julian the supposed fetus-killer -- Stefan (Paul Wesley) decides to add a third to his and Damon (Ian Somerhalder)'s ranks. And who better to defeat the love of her life than Lily Salvatore (Annie Wersching) herself? Of course, she doesn't believe Valerie's story of being beaten so badly it compromised her pregnancy -- "Do yourself a favor; don’t lose any more sleep over the words that come out of that poor girl’s mouth," she warns her son -- so, Stefan has to take extraordinary measures.

With the help of a cup of concentrated vervain and a few ropes, the boys have Lily tied up and decide to school her on her "really crappy taste" in men.

Lesson 1: Giuseppe -- We all know that Damon and Stefan's father was the worst. 164 Thanksgivings ago, he made poor Damon behead his pet turkey Sammy and then eat her at the table because, in his words, "That animal was put on this earth to be sustenance, not your friend." Who knew Damon was such an animal lover back in the day?

Damon holds it against his Mommie Dearest (ahh, the episode title!) in a big way and enjoys torturing her with the vervain ropes. "She thinks this is painful? Try being 12 and helpless." After the torturous meal, which he finished with tempered obedience, Giuseppe accused the boys of stealing money from his bureau after sending his mom to fetch his bourbon. Damon, who didn't do it, was afraid of what his dear old dad would do to BB Stefan (sooo cute, BTW, both of them), so he confessed to the crime and took a burnt cigar to the arm to remember his non-offense.

Turns out, it was actually Lily who did it -- though she says it was to take the boys away. Too bad he found her stolen stash and forced her to stay. "The only thing I cared about more than leaving him was protecting your brother and you," she tells Stefan with a loving pet. "Everything that I did back then was for you."

Should we believe her? Jury's out on that one...

"Not Pregnant"???

Alaric (Matt Davis) sits with hope as Caroline (Candice King) takes a pregnancy test, and it turns out negative. 'Ric's obviously bummed and drowns his sorrows in his office.

But as Care joins Matt (Zach Roerig) to investigate the compelled humans-turned-vampire-lunch-supply that has popped up in multiple locations across the abandoned town, she gets a sudden bout of morning sickness. So, does that mean we have a false negative situation on our hands? Not so fast.

Valerie shows up and sticks by her story. But Caroline puts that aside for the moment in the interest of de-compelling all the would-be victims at the Grill. That's when Beau shows up to check on his stock. Three (well, two and a half) on one is no match for even the power of this heretic.

When Valerie and Caroline are finally alone long enough to have a chat, she makes the big reveal that she once was pregnant with Stefan's child. Caroline takes it surprisingly well and finds out that the reason she knows so much about the supposed transfer spell the witches *supposedly* used to pass 'Ric and Jo's Gemini twins onto her was the same one she tried, unsuccessfully of course, to perform on her own budding bundle way back when.

One ultrasound later, though, and the non-pregnancy is medically confirmed. "Honestly, for a second there, I believed it too," Care admits to a once-again-bummed Alaric.

Valerie comes in and calls B.S. on the doctor's analysis and does her little witchy-vamp hand trick, saying that she thinks the BBs were cloaked for the sake of protection. That's when Caroline checks the ultrasound again and finds that yes, she is indeed pregnant, and yes, with TWINS! 'Grats! (We think?) She seems pretty happy about it, and 'Ric definitely does.

Enzo hearts Julian (... NOT)

Meanwhile, Lily sends Enzo on a mission to retrieve Oscar's car from the tow lot on Julian's request, and Bonnie tags along to remind him that he needs to be part of the Remove Julian Pronto Plan. When he gets to the shockingly yellow ride our old friend used to roll with, it becomes clear it's not the resale value Julian's interested in with this thing. It's probably that likely-mystical dagger hiding there in the spare tire hole.

Enzo shows up to the Salvatore Manor and picks a fight with Julian, who wants to take this quibble outside because he promised the lady of the house he wouldn't shed any more blood in her abode.

Trouble is, Lily's linked to Julian and starts to bleed when Enzo gets the upperhand in the woodsy sword fight. But that advantage doesn't last long, and Julian looks like he might win until, voila! Damon's there with the element of surprise.

"Little tip from a professional. Next time you want to kill a bazillion-year-old psycho, don't pick a sword from the junior section," Damon teases Enzo as he stakes Julian in the stomach. This doesn't feel good for poor Lily.

Damon doesn't care too much -- at all, really -- about any potential resulting loss in Lily, but Enzo sure does. (Stefan too.) He socks Damon a good one across the face, and that's when Julian wakes up to exact some revenge on both of them. So, he's not dead. WOMP. Stefan and Lily arrive just in time to stop Julian from ending Damon.

Stefan's not happy about Damon's lack of regard for their mother's well-being, but D's not budging from his pissed off-ness.

"Our mother faked her death, left her sons behind and went out of her way to get us out of her life forever," he says. "She tossed us aside without any concern what would happen to us. As far as I'm concerned, she deserves what she gets."

Matt's on a mission

Sheriff Matt has some work to do if he is to save all the poor humans being led straight to slaughter, and since Bonnie's too busy nuzzling up with Enzo in bars and researching The Sword and the Stone, he's calling in a favor from some old friends -- Jeremy and Tyler. THIS should be interesting.

Meanwhile, Enzo's giving up on Lily. "When nine Russians tell you you're drunk, you lie down," he says. Bonnie's glad. As we saw a few weeks back, something's a-brewing between them, and frankly, she's making doe-eyes like we've never seen at the hunky Britvamp, so, yeah, that is happening.

Lily finally gets it

After the backyard brawl, Lily and Julian return to the safety of her home, where he calls the spat simply, "boys being boys, fighting for your honor."

When she confronts him about the story Stefan's told her about his history of abusing Valerie, Julian plays the denial game and tells her he loves her sooo and that he "would never have done something so revolting."

He then asks for forgiveness for his behavior against her sons, and she says meekly, "of course." But just as quickly she realizes that this is indeed a case of history repeating because that's the exact phrase she muttered when her mean old husband came hat in hands to her a century and a half back.

So, when she shows up to see Damon and Stefan this time, she doesn't have to be forced to admit they're right. "I'm sorry I didn't see it sooner. I've traded one monster for another. Btu I'm not going to let him hurt us anymore. I have a plan," she tells them.