Earlier today, the world was gifted its first-ever look at the cast of "American Horror Story: Hotel" in action. However, this look was all too brief -- 25 seconds of brief, if we're being exact.
So in case you haven't read up on what you can expect from "AHS: Hotel" -- or if your eyes don't move at the speed of light, because dang this trailer moved fast -- here's who we met (Lady Gaga!) and what we saw at the Hotel Cortez:
Chloë Sevigny and Wes Bentley are the normals.YouTube/FX
This married couple -- her Alex Lowe is a doctor, his John Lowe is a detective, searching for someone called the Ten Commandments killer (Gaga?) -- has the most modest look in the trailer, but hey, someone's gotta be normal. (And it's better than Sevigny's "Asylum" look.)
Also, it's important to note that we see a blender full of blood after they walk by, as well as a fleeing child. Both of these things likely have nothing to do with them, and everything to do with the Countess, whom we know A, drinks blood, and B, collects children.
There's something eeeeevil hidden in a mattress.YouTube/FX
Sarah Paulson is strung out, and aching for a fix.YouTube/FX
Paulson, the reigning "AHS" KWEEN now that Jessica Lange has said goodbye, is playing a bad girl junkie named Hypodermic Sally. She's seen cutting up the aforementioned mattress because, you know, she's addicted and what not.
Kathy Bates is in charge.YouTube/FX
Bates plays Iris, the manager of the hotel and Donovan's (Matt Bomer) mother. She just kind of walks around with old-school keys, dressed straight from the '70s, and I'm not mad at it. Also, more blond kids.
Actually -- just always assume there's more blond kids from here on out. They're everywhere. It's an Aryan paradise in the Hotel Cortez.
Angela Bassett is... from the '70s?!YouTube/FX
Speaking of '70s... we knew that Bassett's Ramona Royale was an actress slash ex-lover of the Countess', but the fact that this shot is so disco'd out makes me think that she might not be from this time. Could Gaga be pulling an "Age of Adaline" on us? Will we take a visit to my favorite decade?! Could be, rabbit.
Also, she has a slave, because this show is made by Ryan Murphy.
Matt Bomer is a devious, child-snatching hottie with great clothes.YouTube/FXYouTube/FX
Bomer is seen twice in the trailer. First, he's sitting in a swivel chair in the middle of a room of creepy blonde kids -- complete with bubble gum candy in the walls -- and second, he's seen briefly walking away hand-in-hand with two of the kiddos. So, yeah, assume that he's in on some kidnapping. Also, it's important to note that he's wearing the Countess' blood-glove thing, meaning he's also definitely in on her extracurricular bloodsports.
Evan Peters is a Depression-era tycoon.YouTube/FX
Peters is seen as Mr. James March, the '30s era owner and creator of the Hotel, looking pensive -- and dressed like the Monopoly Man -- in Depression-esque surroundings. Basically, look forward to some "Asylum"-style time jumps, and possibly some exploitation of the poor. (Though the maid seems to thoroughly enjoy her job.)
Cheyenne Jackson and Finn Wittrock are maybe hanging out with vampire children.YouTube/FX
Cheyenne Jackson is seen as Will Drake, a "fashion icon," while Finn Wittrock is Tristan, a male model who becomes sexually entwined with the Countess -- much to the chagrin of her long-term boyfriend, of course. However, the most interesting thing in this image is the children, again.
Earlier today we shared some behind-the-scenes shots of Lady Gaga stealing a little blonde kid from the beach, and we've heard over the past few weeks that she'll be playing a blood-drinker. These kids definitely look like they've been at the receiving end of a suck-fest, though the fact that they're still alive means that the Countess is probably collecting creepy little children for some sort of blood cult. (I would not put this past her. Or this show.)
Gaga is a style icon.YouTube/FX
Lady Gaga's Countess has the quickest cameo of them all -- so quick, in fact, that it was impossible to grab a clear photo of her hair whip. However, we do get a longer look at her insane dress train, via our first glimpse at Will Drake and Tristan Duffy. Basically, what we can tell from Gaga here is that she's stylish and mysterious as hell. So, yeah, not a whole lot.