So, OK, intellectually, we completely understand that Kristen Wiig is much too busy as an actress, writer, and comedienne to start a side business called "Wiig's Wigs" so that she can share her hairstyles with the world.
Emotionally, though? Cannot. Handle.
Because Kristen Wiig is a beautiful angel descended from hair heaven, and shouldn't the rest of us have a chance to experience this magic? Please? One perfect ponytail is all I ask.
Over the years, Kristen has proved that she can carry literally any color, cut, or style -- and whether it's because she takes her status as a hair icon seriously or just because she's easily bored, she's constantly changing things up. So, in honor of Kristen's birthday, we've assembled this gallery of all her best coifs.
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Remember when Kristen rocked long, bleach-blonde waves better than Britney?
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Her Academy Awards look: pure Old Hollywood hair glam.
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Sorry, Zooey: Kristen did it better.
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Shiny locks and a subtle red sheen were the highlight of her Golden Globes presentation with Will Ferrell.
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Were minions required to achieve this perfect flat-iron job?
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No wonder Walter Mitty was all about Kristen's Cheryl Melhoff -- just look at her on-point blowout.
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NBD, just nailing the casual cool-girl pony.
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Kristen's "Bridesmaids" character might have gone through some shizz, but her hair game never suffered.
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This simple updo has exactly the right amount of flyaway to keep it from looking severe.
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Gilly might've been a little sociopath, but her fro'n'bow was choice.
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Ooooh, ravishing in a classic red.
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Or a deep, rich auburn.
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This pin-straight look is very posh.
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Of course Kristen can ombre like a boss.
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We've never seen the actress in a real pixie crop, but this is close enough to show how great she'd look in one.
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Do we spy a little splash of punky pink in this pic? I THINK SO. AND I LIKE IT.
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To quote an entirely different movie: Kristen looks so good with blonde hair and black roots, it's not even funny.
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Is it possible to die of someone else's cute topknot? Asking for a [dead].
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We love the Wiig in this perfect blunt bob.
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Leave it to Kristen to make a person look at this midwest mom perm and think, "Hmmm. Should I?"
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The 1960s called, and they don't want this look back, because it looks that good on her.
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Absolutely killing it with the cropped waves and side sweep.
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And of course, as a hair expert, Kristen always knows the right style to hide your flaws. Like, oh, say, a high forehead.
