That’s No Moon: Ranking The Butts Of Every ‘Star Wars’ Male Lead

Search your feelings. You know it to be true.

Just because "Star Wars" is a movie franchise about a long time ago in a galaxy far, far away doesn't mean that there's plenty of sex appeal to witness with your nerdy, nerdy eyeballs. And no, I'm not talking about Leia's "Return Of The Jedi" bikini or Padmé's midriff-ripped jumpsuit from "Attack of the Clones" -- although yeah, they were pretty hot too. I'm talking all about the MEN we got to fawn over.

Don't give us that look, Leia, you're into it.

With any luck the people behind "The Force Awakens" will learn from their Disney-owned colleagues at Marvel and incorporate some wonder Captain America-level butt shots into the movie this December -- but until then, we've got what we think is the definitive ranking of "Star Wars" tushes this side of Tatooine. Starting with...

  1. Darth Vader

    He's more machine now than man, which means his butt's probably atrophied at this point. That puts him at the bottom (lol) of the list.

  2. Qui-Gon Jinn

    Admittedly kind of hard to gauge when, like any good Jedi knight, he's wearing such loose and flowing clothes. Is tailoring not part of the Jedi code? Do structured seams also lead to suffering? These are important questions.

  3. Kylo Ren

    At this point, even if the new character from "The Force Awakens" DID have an amazing ass under that heavy cloak, Adam Driver would still refuse to admit it. He's very secretive like that.

  4. Anakin Skywalker

    Darth Vader's former self is so different that we've decided to separate him out into two different rankings. Of course, Anakin's admittedly firm behind loses brownie points because he's such a whiner before he goes full Dark Side. Oh, what's that, you hate sand? EVERYONE DOES, Annie, oh my God get over it.

  5. Lando Calrissian

    Like his true intentions in welcoming Han Solo to Cloud City, Lando's butt is totally hidden underneath that long cape of his -- but it kinda adds to his whole swashbuckling aesthetic, so we'll allow it. Plus, dude can clearly rock a pair of bellbottoms from the front.

  6. Obi-Wan Kenobi

    OK, yes, he's wearing the same schlubby robes as the rest of the Jedi council, but he gets a pass because he's Ewan McGregor and every part of him is magical. Even when he's losing fights against Sith Lords.

  7. Luke Skywalker

    Turns out that Yoda makes a very good weight for squat training.

  8. Finn

    OK, sure, we don't know much about John Boyega's character from "The Force Awakens" yet -- but it's pretty refreshing to see that the "Star Wars" universe has continued to embrace jackets and tight fitting pants instead of the old flowy robes of the Republic. That's cause for celebration. You know, for butt reasons.

  9. Poe Dameron
    Universal Pictures

    We know even less about Poe Dameron given that all we've seen him wear is a rebel pilot uniform, except actor Oscar Isaac can totally WORK that butt and we have PROOF -- namely in the form of his amazing dance sequence from "Ex Machina." He would neither confirm nor deny the possibility of dancing in this new movie but let's hope it happens.

  10. Boba Fett

    Speaking of dancing, you know who's really good at it? This Mandalorian right here. Everybody's favorite bounty hunter has hidden depths, as he proved at Disney Hollywood's "Star Wars Weekend" in 2010. And yes, that TOTALLY counts -- I mean, just look at him go.

  11. Han Solo

    I mean, like anyone else was gonna top this list. They don't just hand out Corellian Bloodstripes (yes, of course Han Solo's pants have their own complicated backstory) to anyone who can't wear them right.