Humanity has figured out a lot of amazing scientific breakthroughs in our history as a species, like Penicillin and cell phones. But the one thing we haven't been able to figure out yet is time travel -- or maybe we did and we just have really strict rules about how we get to do it. But let's face it, this that seems pretty unlikely.
If we DO ever figure out how to take ourselves into the future or the past, though -- maybe to fight a dystopian robot takeover a la "Terminator Genisys" -- then we'll be totally prepped to handle it thanks to all the movies, TV shows, comics, and other glorious scifi franchises we've seen over the years. Here's what you'll need to know:
Everybody Is Still Obsesed With The 20th Century
No need to learn new pop culture references -- the ones you already know will still totally work.
If You Start Turning Invisible, Don't Panic
If time was irrevocably altered so that your parents never got together, logic would dictate that you'd simply cease to exist -- or that such an event would never happen because you DO exist. But no, what ACTUALLY happens is that you start to slowly fade in and out of reality as if somebody were messing with your transparency levels in Photoshop.
Mess Up Everything? You Could Always Create An Alternate Timeline
If your time-middling gets too extreme, don't worry -- all the changes you've made will form themselves into a completely alternate dimension where everything turns out okay, and all of your friends are just a liiiiittle bit more attractive than you remember them being.
Your Future Self Is Always Cooler Than You
Wanna learn a new language? Become a martial arts expert? Don't worry, you will -- and you'll even get a bonus tragic backstory and badass scar to match. Just don't freak out when you see yourself... and remember, if you see yourself die, it's not the end of the world. There's always that alternate timeline thing to contend with, remember?
Your Future Kids Are Always Jerks
Probably because you're too busy time-travelling to parent them properly. But don't worry, if you guys manage to fix whatever your future child came to the past for, you'll be closer than ever!
Adjusting To The Future Is Surprisingly Easy
Let's say you get stranded far into the future and have no way of getting back to your own time. All your friends and family are long dead. You have all these new technology you need to learn how to use. The beliefs and morals you've lived with are all fragments of a lost time. You're probably thinking, "Wow, I am going to need the MOST therapy to adjust to this," right? Wrong. You'll be fiiiine.
Everyone in the past is dumber than you.
Those everyday people just living their lives without knowledge of all the wonderful technology you have at your disposal? They don't matter. Feel free to ignore them, except to laugh when they mistake your cell phone for a magic wonder box.
Everyone in the future is dumber than you, too
In the future, nobody will have to do anything for themselves -- there's an app and a sentient android for every single task you need to accomplish. That makes you, the person who can open doors for themselves and do math in your head, the smartest and most wholesome person in existence.
You Have To Be Naked
Listen, I don't make the rules. you don't have a cool time machine like a Delorian or a TARDIS? Then you also don't get to have pants. That's how it works.
"Terminator: Genisys" is currently in theaters.