47 Reasons Salem From 'Sabrina The Teenage Witch' Is Your Spirit Animal
Before Alex Russo (Selena Gomez) bewitched us on Disney Channel's "The Wizards of Waverly Place," there was Sabrina Spellman (Melissa Joan Hart). "Sabrina the Teenage Witch," a TV show based on a comic book series under the same name, blessed small screens everywhere from 1996 to 2003.
Sabrina is a 16-year-old witch living in Massachusetts with her two aunts, Hilda and Zelda, and her pet cat, Salem Saberhagen. Except Salem isn't actually a cat. Or at least, he wasn't always a furry feline. Once upon a time, he was a witch too. But then he tried to embrace his inner villain and take over the entire world. Not cool, right?
That's what the Witch's Council thought, so they punished him by transforming his human self into a talking cat forevermore. (And when we say forever, we mean forever. We bet there's a "Sabrina" rerun playing on some channel somewhere in the world right this very second.)
Throughout the series, Salem is like a talking version of the internet's beloved Grumpy Cat. Salem whines, he eats, he grumbles, he parties and then he eats some more. We love him because he just gets it, y'know? Whatever you're thinking or feeling on the inside, Salem's the cat who will say it loud 'n' proud to the entire world. Here's why you can't get enough of this famous black cat:
He knows his purpose in life
He says exactly what's on his mind
He's experienced heartbreak
He's persuasive
His sarcasm is on point
He looooves food
Like REALLY loves food
He eats his feelings...
...like, every feeling. Good or bad.
*nom nom nom*
Seriously, we need a pizza in here, stat
Salem is HANGRY.
He appreciates a good bubble bath
He puts up with Sabrina's bullsh-t
He was the original Catfish
He spends a lot of time thinking about the deep stuff
He's ambitious in a harmless way...
...and ambitious in an evil way
He knows how to impress the ladies
He can save you from a fire
Or at least, he looks like he can. Salem should befriend these fearless felines that rule New York City's firehouses.
He lives life on the edge...
...but he's not afraid to show his emotions
He has big weekend plans
He enjoys beverages with paper umbrellas
He does girl talk
He has personal space issues
He takes time to reflect upon himself
He has regrets
He gets lonely sometimes
He makes dumb mistakes...
...but he learns from them
He went through an angsty teen phase
He makes it rain
He apologizes when necessary
He probs has a sicker ride than you do
He's always prepared for a party
He can play the piano...
Just look at that bowler hat, would ya?
...and the accordion...
...and spin, too!
He's basically ready to drop the next big track.
He's perfected the evil cackle
He's honest
Like, brutally honest
He understands the bad hair day struggle...
...and the food baby struggle
He's got big things to do
He falls in loooooove
And most importantly, he knows EXACTLY who he is...
...a KING!
