If we didn’t know any better, we’d say Zayn Malik is slowly but surely trying to send One Direction fans into hysterics with his onslaught of ch-ch-changes.
We could get past his newly-shorn, color-changing ‘dos. And we could accept the fact that he’s making his own solo music now (because, HELLO, it sounds amaZAYN). But when rumors started swirling that Z and his fiancee, Perrie Edwards, had secretly tied the knot, that’s when we had to draw the line.
It all started when Little Mix posted an Instagram video that shows Perrie referring to herself as “Perrie Malik.” Uhh, what?!
Thankfully, the clip — which also features Perrie’s Little Mix bandmates — appears to just be silly, girly tour bus banter. Each girl says her first name and the last name of her beau (Leigh-Anne Pinnock steals her footballer boyfriend Jordan Kiffin’s surname, and Jesy Nelson does the same with her S.O., Rixton frontman Jake Roche). The gag is that poor, single Jade Thirlwall is left with just her own first name, leaving the girls to laugh manically at her expense (but don’t worry — Jade self-deprecatingly plays along. No shame in the single life, girl!).
Still, this isn’t the first red flag that’s popped up in regards to secret Zerrie wedding conspiracy theories. In another pic posted on her personal account, Perrie ‘grammed a couple packages of Reese’s peanut butter cups, captioning it, “Love the mother in-law for this! She knows me too well!”
Mother-in-law?! WHOA THERE, PERR. Either the bride-to-be is just testing the waters with her new name and family member, or there really is something suspicious going on here.
Needless to say, Directioners had a heck of a lot of feelings about this.
Some thought it was totally NBD.
Some were all, “NOPE. VOM.”
Some fans were just in denial.
For some people, it was just too much to take.
There was this hilarious reminder that Niall beat Perrie to the punch once upon a time.
And there was the clever Photoshopper who thinks the closest anyone will come to claiming a name like “Perrie Malik” is Perry the platypus from “Phineas and Ferb.”
And finally, there was a call to action for us to forget the “Perrie Malik” dramz and focus on what’s really important: these recently-surfaced photos of Louis Tomlinson looking extra dreamy.
Hate to break it to you, Perrie haters, but the future is inevitable. And at least as of now, that future involves Perrie one day taking Zayn’s name and the two of them living happily ever after in blissful matrimony. So it looks like we better get used to the idea of a “Zayn and Perrie Malik” world.