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Jake Gyllenhaal Thinks He's Controlled By The Moon (Or Something)

This Jakey G interview got pretty weird. Your move, Matthew McConaughey.

Actors being a tad strange? Yeah, show us a day that ends in "Y" and we'll be more surprised by that. But Jake Gyllenhaal's latest interview has us doing some serious noggin scratchage because it is all kinds of what.

In his new cover feature for Esquire, Jakey talked at length about his impressive filmography and his upcoming powerpunch with "Southpaw" (Oscar ambitions much?), and he took the concept of method acting to all new levels. No, seriously. He went molecular with this business, guys.

We're just going to break down all the weird things he said here and let you try to make sense of it. Because we cannot even.

"I believe deeply in the unconscious. That you literally accumulate the molecules of the space that you’re in."

Because people are just giant porous magnets? We guess?

"We're like 90 percent water, so naturally we are going to be affected by the moon when it’s full: if the sea is, why wouldn't we be? That seems scientific to me."

More like 60%, but who's counting, right? Just tell us what to do already, Man On The Moon.

"So, if you spend enough time in whatever environment your character would exist in – the way I spent six months with police officers – then the molecules of that environment must transfer somehow."

How about that for a pick-up line idea? "Hey girl, let's go transfer some molecules together." Somehow, we suspect the innocent intention might get lost with that one.

Here's our takeaway from all of this: (1) Jake Gyllenhaal is a lunar being, so somebody get the terraform train rolling already, and (2) He's basically claiming to be a walking solution to the water crisis, and (3) Jakey knows that when things seem sciencey, it's legit.

Schooled. Every one of us.