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Every Song On The 'Fifty Shades Of Grey' Soundtrack, Ranked By Sexiness

We still can't look at helicopters the same way.

Say what you want about "Fifty Shades of Grey," but I think we can all agree on one thing: the soundtrack is effing awesome. We can't even imagine a helicopter without hearing Ellie Goulding's angelic voice inside our heads -- or think about strolling through the park with our boo without The Weeknd infiltrating our brains.

TBH, Christian Grey and Anastasia Steele's love story never quite matches the bravado our queen and savior Beyoncé reaches for with "Haunted." They never get quite as intimate as Jessie Ware manages to achieve on her sultry track "Meet Me in the Middle." And let's not kid ourselves here: the seductive soundtrack makes up for the mere 20 minutes of sex featured in the "kinky" flick.

But which song is the sexiest? Don't worry, we've ranked all of the steamy songs from the soundtrack to get to the bottom of this very important question. (Editor's note: Danny Elfman's two orchestral tracks are not included in the ranking -- although, both are very sexy.)

  1. "Salted Wound" by Sia

    We can't listen to this song without thinking about Christian swiping Ana's v-card. Therefore, this track is last. Make no mistake: if we were choreographing an aerial routine, this song would be our opus.

  2. "Undiscovered" by Laura Welch

    It's about as interesting as Anastasia Steele's dad... which is not very interesting. Catchy beat, though!

  3. "I Know You" by Skylar Grey

    Like Christian Grey himself, it's pretty -- but there's absolutely no substance. It's just another generic love song.

  4. "Where You Belong" by The Weeknd

    First things first, we love The Weeknd. But this just isn't our cuppa tea -- and to be honest, it doesn't sound like The Weeknd's either. His other "Fifty Shades" track charted much higher.

  5. "I'm on Fire" by AWOLNATION

    It was sexier when The Boss sang it. (#SorryNotSorry) Do we think this is the kind of sad, indie music Christian listens to when he's all alone in his Red Room of Pain? Probably.

  6. "Witchcraft" by Frank Sinatra

    It's peak Sinatra! What can we say? We have a soft spot for Ol' Blue Eyes.

  7. "Beast Of Burden" by The Rolling Stones

    Oh, but you are Ana's beast of burden, Christian! YOU ARE.

  8. "Meet Me in the Middle" by Jessie Ware

    The lesser known British Jessie after J, Ware totally sells this song. We honestly believe she thinks this is a ~ sexy ~ movie. There's no doubt homegirl can saaaaaang, but it's not quite flame-emoji-worthy yet.

  9. "I Put a Spell on You" by Annie Lennox

    Lennox is a FORCE of greatness, and this cover of the Screamin' Jay Hawkins classic is one of the many ways our girl crushed it on this soundtrack. Though uncredited for her magnetic performance, we can safely say that Lennox was the VIP of "Fifty Shades of Grey."

  10. "Love Me Like You Do" by Ellie Goulding

    Goulding's dreamy original song "Love Me Like You Do" plays during Christian Grey and Anastasia Steele's whirlwind first date, and it includes lovesick lyrics such as "you're the color of my blood" and "every inch of your skin is a holy grail I've got to find." It's just so ~ romantic ~ we can't even deal. Oh, and it's been stuck in our heads since Valentine's Day, so we guess YOU WIN THIS TIME, Grey.

  11. "Haunted" by Beyoncé

    Beyoncé must be some sort of magician because literally everything she does is MAGIC TO OUR EARS. Plus, if you're going to do a movie about lots and lots of sex, you have to use the song from the "Beyonce" album that references slapping and biting and rough... you know.

  12. "One Last Night" by Vaults

    YAAASSSSSS, QUEEN. This track is straight up flames. Don't you just want to fly a f--king glider right now?! We're high on endorphins listening to this melodic, pop masterpiece.

  13. "Earned It" by The Weeknd

    Imma blast this all day, errday on my commute to work and imagine the handsome stranger next to me on the subway platform is my Daario Naharis. I don't even know what the eff The Weeknd is trying to say, but who cares! This is a thing of beauty.

  14. "Crazy in Love (2014 Remix)" by Beyoncé

    Seeing as this was hands down the sexiest/best/most iconic part of the entire 125-minute feature film, we'd be fools to not put Queen Bey at the number one spot. They probably should have renamed the series "Fifty Shades of BEY," amirite?