Guys, we have a major dilemma on our hands. For over two decades, we’ve let Mila Kunis roam free through Los Angeles, blissfully ignorant of her reckless criminal past. Oh, you thought the seemingly sweet, doe-eyed actress wasn’t a code red threat to society? WRONG. Turns out, she harbors a secret history as a — get ready for it — CHICKEN THIEF.
But the ruse is up, and Mila is now the target of a (totally bogus-sounding) lawsuit that claims she allegedly stole a chicken from a childhood friend. Yes, this is actually happening.
Kristina Karo says when she and Mila grew up in Ukraine, they used to frolic around with Karo’s beloved pet chicken, which was depressingly named Doggie. Anyway, Doggie disappeared one dark day, and, according to Karo, Mila fessed up to stealing it. The loss was apparently so devastating for Karo that she says she became an “emotional wreck” and required years of therapy.
So why is she just now suing Mila, you might ask? Well, we all know Mila moved to Los Angeles, became a movie star, married Ashton Kutcher, and is living happily ever after. Karo also moved to L.A. years later to pursue a singing career, and she claims that being in such close proximity to her old nemesis has brewed up the Doggie grief all over again. She’s now seeking $5,000 in damages as compensation for emotional trauma and to cover her therapy costs.
But let’s rewind to that whole “singing career” thing. Karo is a wannabe pop star who makes weird, Euro-pop dance tracks accompanied by even weirder YouTube videos where she dances in Home Depot parking lots while wearing bikinis and questionable lipliner. Her website states she sold her grandma’s chicken farm to pursue the American dream and perform in the “hottest gay clubs.” So it’s probably just a coincidence that she’s suing a millionaire actress whilst trying to climb the steep ladder to fame, right? Of course. Totally. Right.
Anyway, Mila and Ashton decided to respond to the whole debacle by joking that she’s “devastated” and “weeping” over the lawsuit. Check out their whole hilarious video here.