17 Foolproof Hacks To Bullsh-t Your Way Through Class
The "Guy Code" fellas are talking about the fine art of bullsh-tting on tonight's episode, which airs at 11:30/10:30c on MTV2. We're all guilty of occasionally -- OK, maybe not so occasionally -- trying less than our best in class. Years and years of schooling have honed our skills so that we've become pros at bullsh-tting papers and assignments.
Whether you've got other stuff going on, or are just too lazy to make it to lecture, here's some advice to help you pass that one class you just can't stay awake through.
Highlight everything ever
When your teacher or extra-judgmental classmates are hovering over your shoulder, this makes it look like you've read everything regardless of whether or not you actually did.
When the teacher asks a question and you don't know the answer, pretend to read over your notes
Bonus points if you have a confused look on your face. This will make your teacher think you're TRYING to figure out what the answer is, even if you're really thinking about what you're gonna eat for lunch. Whatever you do, don't make eye contact with the teacher -- that makes them more likely to call on you even if your hand isn't raised.
Be smart about how you take your exams
If you're going to spend the majority of the semester goofing off, at least be smart about how you take your exams after an all-nighter of frantic cramming. Go through the exam once and answer everything you definitely know the answer to first. Then go back and bullsh-t your way through the essay questions you're completely clueless about. This way, if you run out of time, at least you already covered the questions you know you got right.
Divide and conquer the work...
Split up the readings among your buddies struggling through the class with you. If you don't have any friends in said class, now's the time to make friends. Each person tackles one or two readings, then emails out a quick summary to the rest of the group. To quote "High School Musical," you're all in this together.
An important side note: Dividing up readings is one thing, but copying your friend's homework assignment or paper is a whole different ballgame. Don't cheat or plagiarize someone else's work, no matter how desperate you are. If you're caught -- and you will be, because teachers and professors are trained to find this sort of stuff -- you could end up with a big fat zero for the entire course. You might be suspended depending on your school's policies.
...or let everyone else do your work for you
If you're part of a group project, it's easy to slack off. The other people in the group will probably carry your weight since they don't want their own grades to suffer. Be warned, though -- these generous kids will forever hate your lazy ass for leaving them hanging.
Instagram artsy pics of your studying supplies
This way everyone in your group will think you're hard at work. And maybe meticulously arranging your notes for a photo will inspire you to actually read them for a few minutes.
Be strategic about your class participation
If class participation is part of your grade, make it a point to say something remotely substantial at least once every class. If you haven't done the reading everyone's discussing, don't make a fool of yourself by making something up. Instead, pose a thoughtful question to your classmates: "I'm not sure what [author] meant by [pick a random line from the reading]. Maybe there's more than one interpretation to this. What do you guys think?"
Go to office hours a few weeks before the exam
Even if you don't go to lecture as often as you should, going to office hours early in the semester puts you on the professor's good side. It makes them think you really care about doing well in their course. They're much more likely to help you AFTER grades come out if you approach them BEFORE the grades come out. Plus there's usually a crowd of unhappy students who want to talk to the professor after midterms; you want to beat the rush.
Use one source to find all your other sources
Instead of searching for vaguely related terms over and over again in the library's catalog, check out the bibliography of the one awesome article you managed to find -- or that your professor kindly pointed you towards during that one time you went to office hours. Chances are you'll find what you're looking for.
When writing your conclusion, just repeat whatever you said in the intro
Obviously change up the wording. Your professor or TA will probably hate you for this -- it's likely one of their pet peeves -- but they probably won't outright fail you for it.
Get the notes without going to class...
You can be the kid that everyone hates who emails the entire class listserv the week before finals desperately pleading for someone to send them an entire semester's worth of notes. Ask your upperclassmen friends if they have old notes or exams they'd be willing to pass down to you.
If no one's willing to help you out, the internet is always there to save you. Course Hero compiles lecture notes and study guides from hundred of colleges, and Quizlet lets you look through flashcards other students have made.
...or record the lecture and pay attention later
Many laptops have a recording feature. As long as you're sitting close enough to the professor for your computer to pick up the audio, you're golden. Hit "record" and spend the rest of class Tumblring your life away. When exam time rolls around, you can listen to the most important parts of the lecture and skip all the boring, redundant bits.
Read the textbook's chapter summary, not the whole chapter
Most textbooks summarize every chapter in fewer than five pages. The summary will explain the most important key terms to you, and you'll save tons of time.
Look up the answers to the practice exam
Don't waste your time taking the practice exam when you haven't even read your notes once this semester. Just look up the answers instead, so that way if the professor repeats any of the same questions on the exam -- which they often do -- you're prepared.
Take full advantage of regrades
If your professor offers regrades, always check your graded exam against the answer key. Essay questions are difficult to grade because the answers often have some degree of subjectivity -- which means you can negotiate to get lost points back if you feel your answers deserved them. Partial credit is your friend.
Figure out which TA grades the easiest
If your class has multiple TAs, and you can chose which one grades your exam or paper, choose wisely.
When all else fails, pretend to be sick
Nobody wants anyone upchucking yesterday's lunch all over their seat. If you need to peace out of class or an exam for whatever reason, pretending you're sick will do the trick. Of course, if you ditch a midterm in college, you might end up with a zero -- so make sure you know the course's make-up policy ahead of time.
(Also, what if karma comes back to haunt you and you actually get violently ill after using this excuse? Not worth the risk.)
