'American Horror Story: Roanoke' Finally Revealed Lady Gaga's Bloody Sexy Backstory

Sex! Blood! Magic! Literal and figurative slayage!

American Horror Story: Roanoke is finally starting to answer some questions. “Chapter 4” not only revealed the mythology of the house — built by Edward Phillipe Mott — and of the haunted land upon which it stands, but it also delivered an origin story for its creepy Woods Witch, played by Lady Gaga.

After being lured to the cellar for more sex, the Witch revealed her story to Matt (André Holland). As he explained, she was an English descendant of the druids who stowed away on a boat headed for the New World. However, the trip was plagued with issues and upon making it to America, she was sentenced to burn for being a witch. (Yes, the patriarchy sucked even way, way back then.) Of course, it didn’t take much effort for the Witch to slaughter all of the men who held her captive and embrace her newfound freedom.

For some unexplained reasons, the combination of her old, druid magic — not to mention the blood sacrifices she made to her god — and the sacred land of the New World basically heightened her abilities and she became an immortal mythical creature of the woods. Or something. As you can imagine, it must be pretty lonely being a Woods Witch. You spend your days killing things and fucking things, and your only true friend is a crazy lady with a butcher knife that you can barely understand because her accent is so damn stupid. So after all these years, it appears as though the Witch has set her sights on Matt. Honestly, girl, you could do better!


Lady Gaga AHS

She asked Matt to join her, but it was unclear as to what she wanted him to join her for. Was this nothing more than a no-strings-attached coupling? Or does Gaga have bigger plans for Matt? Perhaps she wanted to kill him and keep him forever. It’s hard to say because Matt up and ran after he was shaken from his sex haze by Shelby’s screams. (Honestly, this season probably should have been called American Horror Story: MAAAAAATT.)

Given the fact that her sexual urges were not met, the Witch will probably be out for blood, along with the settlers, during the Dying Grass Moon. According to Elias, the Dying Grass Moon is a six-day period leading up to the Blood Moon when the ghosts gain the ability to murder the living. In previous seasons of AHS, it was established that ghosts can only fuck with the living one day a year: October 31. However, given the unusual circumstances on these grounds, and the fact that the Dying Grass Moon always falls toward the end of October, we’ll let this logic fail slide, Ryan Murphy.

Honestly, this is all going to change in two episodes, so it would probably be best for us not to overthink it. All hail Lady Gaga, our blood sex magic queen.