Girls On 'Girls': Brooklynite Ester Always Wears Pants While Bicycling

Girls On 'Girls': Brooklynite Ester Always Wears Pants While Bicycling

Here's the thing about dudes: Their memories of choreographing intricate dance routines with their friend group for little to no reason are relatively slim. That's not to say it doesn't ever happen, but I'm willing to bet that the vast majority of young women have at least one snippet of "Bye Bye Bye" choreo in their back pocket, to say nothing of moves to bust to the sweet strains of "Oops I Did It Again."

It's times like these, when talking about HBO's "Girls" and last night's episode, "Beach House," we should turn to, well, girls. We love hearing real New York women analyze the episodes every week, and the February 16 passive-aggress-a-thon is no exception.

31-year-old Brooklynite Ester Bloom knows what's up, even if the last time she choreographed a dance was in fifth grade. (Some just reach their peak danciness earlier than others.) Read on for Ester on Shosh's smarts, her Hannah tendencies and the thing she absolutely would not do on a bicycle.

Who Are You?

I'm Ester Bloom, 31, freelance writer, married with a kid in Prospect Heights which is the only way they let you live in Prospect Heights anymore.

What Are You? Are You A Girl? Woman? Lady? Something?

It's hard to be a "girl" once you have a daughter of your own, file taxes, and have an IRA. Still, "woman" seems like it refers to Hillary Clinton, Maya Angelou, people who have their s--- together in a way that I do not yet. I like "lady," except I curse too much and enjoy sex. This is a complicated question. Does everyone else have an answer? I'm a feminist, there.

Do You Relate to 'Girls' In General?

Yes, absolutely, oh my god, Hannah is my id: narcissistic, judgmental, chubby, lazy and self-indulgent. That makes her fascinating, because I'm always wondering what my dark side will do next. Then, of course, I also think she's admirable in a lot of ways. She owns who she is, she's even bold about it, and she's still a caring friend and a smart, ambitious person. It makes me wonder what would happen if I let a little more id into my life.

Are You A Hannah/Marnie/Shosh/Jessa/Charlotte/Carrie/etc?

I'm a Miranda with Hannah tendencies. Let me take this opportunity to say I hate Carrie Bradshaw with enough heat that it could melt screens. So cutesy-girly, so vain, so self-involved, and such a hack. Hannah's writing is at least entertaining.

What's Your Baggage?

My mother is a perfectionist who put her needs aside for 25 years while she worked full-time and raised my brothers and me, so I equate self-negation and repression with being a successful adult. At the same time, like my father, I'm a creative person who wants to read, write or engage with pop culture all day. Chemical reaction => anxiety and guilt.

What Is Something From Last Night's Episode That

Would Totally Happen To You?

I would absolutely go to a beach house with my closest oldest friends and then get in trouble once it came time to be "honest."

And Something You'd Never Do?

Never in a thousand years would I bicycle in a string bikini; I'd be too scared of what other people might think. BUT MORE POWER TO YOU, HANNAH HORVATH. SHOW ME HOW IT'S DONE. (Wear shoes next time.)

Share the Title of Your Mindy Kaling-Style Memoir.

My Mindy Kaling-style memoir is titled "Never Marry a Short Woman," which is something my father used to say. My mom is 5'2"; I'm 5'1". He had a very dry sense of humor.

Is Shosh an Intellectual?

No, and I think she knows it. Isn't she applying to business school?

Best Time You Did the 'Choreographed Dance with Ladyfriends' Thing?

Mm, pretty sure the last time was in fifth grade for Mrs. Zagone's class.

How Far Should a J. Crew Be From the Beach?

Eleventy million miles. However, I would allow an H&M by the boardwalk, next to a great fish taco place.

What's In Your Version of a North Fork Fizz?

Prosecco, cucumber, and mint.