Jesse James Says He 'Threw Away' A 'Pretty Amazing Life'

'She's going to be hurt for a long time,' he says of his divorce from Sandra Bullock.

After months of speculation about his affairs and the eventual end of his marriage to Oscar winner Sandra Bullock, Jesse James sat down with "Nightline" on Tuesday night to try to clear the air.

"I think out of everything, this is why I'm doing this interview the most, because you know, dealing with losing my marriage and my son and embarrassing everyone and decimating my life, but to be called a racist on top of that is ... it makes me really sad," James said, referring to photos of him dressed in Nazi regalia that were leaked shortly after it was learned he had cheated on Bullock.

"I could tell by the look on my face it was a joke that was funny then, probably for a minute, but then looking at it in the context of now and in my life, it's not funny," he said of the photo. "There's not a racist bone in my body."

In fact, James said that when he and Bullock were in the process of adopting a child, a son that Bullock would later adopt on her own, he says he "didn't care what color" the baby was. And he said that seeing Bullock now with Louie, he is excited for her.

"To see her in the role as mother is, like, one of the most amazing things I've ever seen. She is like a fish to water. ... As soon as she put that baby into her hands it was automatic and amazing," James said. "I found a new trust for her, like I knew she wasn't going to leave, and our relationship blossomed."

But shortly after they met baby Louie, women began admitting to having affairs with James. "I took a pretty amazing life and amazing success and marriage ... and threw it away by my own hands," he said. "I've spent my whole life with the kids and with her trying to ... protect her from everything, but the most hurt she's ever been caused is by the person that wanted to protect her. It's terrible, and she's going to be hurt for a long time."

He says that Bullock had suspected something was wrong in the past, but he had tried to convince her otherwise. "I think she's had her suspicions in the past, but, you know, I lied and lied my way out of it," he said. "I lied to everyone about everything, even to myself.

"When I was doing it, you know, one, I knew it was horrible, it made me feel horrible. And two, I knew I would get caught eventually, and I think I wanted to get caught," he continued. "I know for a fact now what it was, you know. I mean, it was me trying to self-sabotage my life."

James eventually owned up to the affairs and went to rehab for sex addiction and anger issues. It was a decision that Bullock supported. "I just told her I was going to get some help and I wanted to make sure she would take care of [his daughter] Sunny," James said. He added that Bullock was "proud" of him.

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