Normally, [artist id="1244169"]Diddy[/artist] is a man of little public introspection and a whole lot of mogul (and dance) moves.
But on the eve of the Friday nationwide release of the [artist id="13432"]Biggie[/artist] biopic [movie id="360770"]"Notorious,"[/movie] the omnipresent music magnate is opening up about the emotions the film is stirring within him.
Looking directly into the camera, Diddy confessed that he's repressed his emotions regarding his late friend's death.
"Anybody that's experienced a great loss of a friend, a family member ... The thing that I realized, because I did it, and you may have realized it, you figure out ways to repress the feelings and not deal with it," Diddy said. "You just don't deal with it. Until one day, out of nowhere, a song or a picture or something makes you deal with it. In this case, I made 'Missing You.' I would shout Biggie's name to the hilltops. We'd do everything, the whole Bad Boy family, to keep the legacy alive. But watching the movie, there was no running, there was no hiding from it. ... I changed."
The Bad Boy CEO spoke for about six minutes, and said making music hasn't been the same since his artist and friend passed. Diddy said he still loves to make music, but there's been a joy missing from it since Biggie was gunned down March 9, 1997.
"It broke my heart," Diddy said of Biggie's death. "It took my spirit.
"A major part of me, of course, was gone," he continued later. "Also, at the same time, I just wasn't having fun. I let my spirit be taken. I think that's [what happened with] a lot of us involved."
According to Diddy, the confessional video blog series will be updated every few hours (part 2 had just been posted at press time — check back for an update!) until the film's premiere on Friday. He spoke for himself regarding the entries, but Diddy said he thinks the entire family could all gain a type of closure from the movie. He said iit's time not just to move on, but to move forward.
"I look in all of our eyes and we just ain't the same," Diddy explained. "I don't wanna go, 'We'll never be the same.' No. We can be better. We can learn from the situation. It may have taken 10 or 12 years. But I want my spirit back. I want you to have your spirit back. I want to have fun again when I'm making music. I want to have fun again in life."
MTV News has even more B.I.G. things on the horizon surrounding "Notorious" — stay tuned!