Last year was a mind-boggling mix of the bad, the sad and the downright ugly — at least according to Mr. Blackwell, the fashion guru who crawls out of his hole but once a year to write wacky poems about the 10 unlucky female celebrities he deems the year's worst dressed. It's that time of year again.
Topping the 45th annual Worst-Dressed Women list is Nicolette Sheridan of "Desperate Housewives." "In barely-there bombs, she's a taste-free pain/ Let's crown her the tacky temptress of Wisteria Lane," Blackwell wrote of her sartorial slip-ups.
Next, he targeted Lindsay Lohan, calling her "overhyped," "underdressed," and a "schizophrenic frenzy." We'll spare you the whole verse, but yes, "frenzy" and "Lindsay" were supposed to rhyme.
Third place was a tie between Jessica and Ashlee Simpson. "From gaudy, to grim, to downright frenetic/ These two prove that bad taste is positively genetic!"
Rounding out the top five are Courtney Love ("Medusa in meltdown mode") and Paris Hilton, down from the top slot last year ("should be closed for renovation"). Britney Spears and her who-cares-I'm-married-ya'll fashion choices landed at #7. Other targets of Blackwell's barbs included Serena Williams, Paula Abdul, Meryl Streep and Anna Nicole Smith.
But it wasn't all bad news. Blackwell put away his cat claws to name (without commentary, thankfully) the year's Fabulous Fashion Independents as well. Among them: Gwen Stefani, Scarlett Johansson, Natalie Portman, Jennifer Garner, Nicole Kidman, Oprah Winfrey, Kate Winslet, and the worst-dressed woman's on-screen nemesis, Teri Hatcher.
"Here's hoping 2005 takes the ultra-feminine look to new heights," Blackwell said in the statement accompanying the list. "Elegance, classicism and restraint are never out of style. Neither is a good three-way mirror."