• Season 1, Ep 4

sneak peek: amateur night

colby lifts weights, likes girls, and apparently gets strange tattoos.

02/02/2016 · 3:21

>> ♪

>> So, I'm Colby.

And...pretty much how I like to

start my day, I like to, you

know, wake up.

I go straight to the gym.

Just hit it hard for a solid

hour.

I get a nice pump on.

And I meet up with my boys, hit

the club up.

And we hook up with girls.

Hold on, my coffee cup's--my

coffee cup's malfunctioning.

We met up at my boy Shawn's

house.

And we're taking shots with each

other.

Just another classic Colby

night.

We're gonna get some chicks,

have fun, get drunk.

I would say about 90% of the

time I'm bringing a girl back,

and we're doing some things I

hope your parents aren't

watching.

[clears throat]

We walk down the street.

That's where the party was.

So, I walk in, and right away I

actually happen to see three

girls that are just classic

Colby types, which is usually a

girl that's wearing very little

clothing, that's pretty drunk.

'Cause usually I've got my

personal Vodka bottle with me at

parties, and I pull it out.

And I just--I'm passing shots

around.

Telling everybody what I'm

doing as a personal trainer.

I ended up hooking up with two

out of the three girls.

And I got one of their numbers.

>> [water spilling]

>> I go inside.

And by this point, I'm hammered.

And me and this guy, he was like

6'8".

You know he had some muscle, I

can respect that.

I'm into the fitness industry

and stuff.

Personal trainer.

We do this like bump thing.

And I thought there was gonna be

a fight right away.

The next thing I know, we are

arguing about the fact that this

guy is an amateur tattoo artist.

"Yeah, I'm an amateur tattoo

artist."

I don't know.

In my drunk state of mind at the

time, I--I just couldn't believe

that.

Like either you're a

professional tattoo artist or

you're--you're not.

It gets to the point, we're

yelling at each other like,

"What?

"What'd you say, small man?

Yeah, you small as hell."

He says, "I'll be right back.

"I'm gonna get my tattoo

"equipment, and I'm going to

prove it to you."

So I'm just like,

"You know what? Go for it."

So he goes and gets his

equipment.

He comes back.

And when he comes back, he comes

in heated.

He has all of his equipment.

And I'm just like--I'm just

chilling, I'm drinking.

I put my arm down on the table

in front of everybody.

And I just figured he had a

Sharpie and he was just messing

with me.

But he proceeded to give me some

sort of tattoo.

At the time, I had-I had no

idea.

"I'm surprised you're not

"screaming more in pain.

"How's that tattoo feel?

"You don't even know what it's

about."

I'm like, "Yeah, yeah, keep

"going with your Sharpie, yeah.

I'm sure it's really a tattoo."

My friend told me the next

morning that it took about three

hours.

Me and my buddy are looking at

it, I'm like...

"What the [bleep] is this?

Why do I have-who is--who is

that?"

Because we knew he must have

been some sort of famous person.

So we type in Google.

Classic search engine.

And we look up bald...with, um,

glasses.

And I look to my buddy Miles.

He goes, "Holy crap, George

"Costanza!

That's--that's George Costanza!"

"Tell me about him.

Who is that?"

"It's this famous guy.

"One of the best sitcom TV shows

of all times."

And it was George Costanza from

"Seinfeld."

Why did he decide to put him?

Like why couldn't he have put

like, you know, someone cool?

Like put on The Rock?

Or Shia LaBeouf?

"Just do it!"

I'm a very big fan of him,

actually.

He's one of my favorite actors

of all time.

I didn't regret it too much,

because I know I'm a cool dude.

I have used this tattoo, and I

have hooked up with actually

probably even more girls now.

>> It hasn't subtracted from my

girl total.

That's pretty much it.

Don't get into an argument with

a tattoo artist.

And that's really--that's really

all I gotta say.

>> ♪