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— by Larry Carroll
MALIBU, California — Billy Bob Thornton owes money to a very large man.
If he doesn't pay up, that man is threatening to take him into the woods and shoot him in the face.
"Am I up to $600? You're kidding me," Thornton grins, keeping his cool while scarfing down a plate of coleslaw. "That's a lot of dough."
"It all depends on the money," says the 270-pound Michael Clarke Duncan ("Sin City"), eyeballing a nearby paintball rifle. "If Billy Bob doesn't owe me anything, then I'll probably let the shot whiz by his head. But if he owes me a grand by that time, it's hard not to take a shot right in the middle [of his eyes]."
Thornton doesn't much like showing up on time to work, and Duncan's making him pay. "He's always late," the burly actor says. "We have a bet: Every time we're on the set and I ask the director, 'Are you ready?' and I'm in the scene and he's ready and Billy Bob's not there and in the scene also, he owes me $100. So right now he owes me $600."
The supposed grudge is all in fun and all in the service of their upcoming comedy, "School for Scoundrels." An in-name-only remake of a 1960 flick, "Scoundrels" moves from England to New York to tell the story of a hapless parking-enforcement officer (Jon Heder of "Napoleon Dynamite") looking for love — and the smooth-talking dirty rotten scoundrel eager to take his money and his girl.
"I am a loser," Heder says of the role. "So [my character] takes a class, taught by Billy Bob Thornton, whose character is Dr. P, to help him get what he wants out of life — which is mostly his neighbor, Amanda, a beautiful young woman played by Jacinda Barrett."
"I run a school to make guys cooler," Thornton says. "He's got that innocent, befuddled thing, and I have the attacking-innocent-befuddled-people thing. It works out pretty good."
This "School" has no shortage of class clowns, with a cast that also includes David Cross, Luis Guzman, Horatio Sanz and Sarah Silverman. On this day of shooting, Dr. P has taken his students on a field trip to toughen them up, carrying a mysterious black duffle bag. As the scene is being prepared, however, Heder stands in the tall grass of the sunny afternoon and ponders alternative expletives.
A proud Mormon, Heder suggests PG ideas whenever a script calls for profanity or nudity on his part; naturally, most are more creative (and, by extension, funnier) than the original text. Today the script calls for him to get shot in the crotch by a paintball gun, causing him to blurt out the F-word.
"Every time I see him, I still think of Napoleon Dynamite," says Duncan, who plays Dr. P's muscular sidekick. "I'm constantly saying, 'Hey Jon, say that line, remember, in "Napoleon Dynamite." ' And he's like, 'Oh, Mike.' And I go, 'That's it! That's how you said it!' "
For Billy Bob Thornton, however, profanity isn't a problem. "I've never played paintball," he grins, looking over today's weapons. "It seems like something suits do on the weekend, and I don't much like suits."
He might not like suits, but he does like people acknowledging what a big name he is, Duncan says.
"He has everybody call him 'International Superstar Billy Bob Thornton.' That's what he has the whole crew call him," Duncan laughs, shaking his head. "He really feels that he's an international superstar, so every time he comes on set, they all go, 'Hey, International Superstar Billy Bob Thornton!' It's the stupidest thing I've ever heard."
"He prefers to call me that," Thornton insists. "Michael Clarke Duncan is so afraid of me that he never calls me just by my name. He always calls me 'International Superstar Billy Bob Thornton.' ... I'm not too forgiving of that guy. People are always scared of him because he's big and mean and everything, but not really. He has a soft underbelly."
When talk turns to his debt to Duncan, Thornton puts his spoon down for a minute and gets serious: "The reason I make him wait is because, when he reaches my level, he can make me wait. But right now, he has to wait for me." As a sly grin creeps across his face, he adds: "And we're gonna see about that $600 because, well, I know people."
Setting aside his slaw, a camouflage-clad Thornton steps into the middle of a clearing, preparing to address Heder and the other schoolmates. Under the watchful eye of director Todd Phillips ("Old School"), the cameras roll and Thornton opens up the bags, handing paint rifles to his loser students. "Trust no one," he tells his class. "It's time to be a lion. Kill or be killed."
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Oscar-winner and 'International Superstar' Thornton has had meaty roles in more than a few films. Here are a few:
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Interrupting the lesson, one of the students begins reading the weapon's label: "It says here to always maintain a distance of 100 feet between shooter and target." Immediately, Thornton shoots him in the chest at point-blank range.
"Anybody else want to read their guns?" he snaps.
Grabbing their weapons, the gray-sweatsuited students all begin shooting each other from mere inches away. Heder takes a shot from Horatio Sanz in the groin. As the crew leans in for a listen, Heder exclaims the howl he has selected.
"Ow!" he screams with a "Dynamite" whine, doubling over as another student places a gun a few inches from his crotch. "He just shot me. What are you doing?"
When the other student pulls the trigger, Heder drops to the ground with a "Gosh!"
"What are you, retards?" Thornton barks. "Spread out!"
"School" is in session later this year.
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