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— Larry Carroll
As any true movie buff knows, when the thermometer drops, the drama meter rises. For those unaware of this December movie-measuring instrument, the drama meter employs a complex mathematical formula to track the forbidden romances, biographical performances and pedigreed source materials that herald the final weeks of any movie year. The higher the number, the more likely it is that the flick contains intelligent-but-heavy Oscar bait. The lower-numbered films signify an alternative that awards-season voters will ignore — as can the logical part of your brain. With all the free time on your hands during the holiday season, there's only one question to ask yourself while approaching the local megaplex: How much drama do I want in my life?
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"The New World"The Formula: Legendary director + historical biography x two Oscar-hungry leading men = "The New World"
The Holiday Tale: Keeping things seasonal, reclusive writer/director Terrence Malick has spent much of his Hollywood career imitating Herman the Hermit from "Yogi's First Christmas." For only his fourth movie in the last 27 years, Malick recruits awards-impaired leading men Colin Farrell and Christian Bale to tell the heavily reinterpreted tale of Pocahontas, John Smith and John Rolfe as they explore a new land and each other.
Stick This In Your Stocking: Malick's Pocahontas is 15-year-old Q'Orianka Kilcher, a first-time actress who jumps off the screen alongside the director's breathtaking shots of an untouched America. The actress is earning rave reviews for her heart-tugging performance, much of it delivered via a meticulously reconstructed Native American language. And if the first-timer's surname sounds familiar, it's because she's related to singer Jewel. "She's my second cousin," Kilcher says, adding that they're not exactly close enough to exchange holiday presents: "She saw me once — when I was two or three months old."
Hold On To Your Receipt: Malick's stream-of-consciousness style and eccentric techniques could anger those who aren't in the mood for long takes of frolicking lovers. "He would see a field of tall grass and would get very inspired by it and be like, 'Q'Orianka, could you take off your shoes and just run through that fennel field? Be free, just run. Run through it,' " Kilcher recalls, making a quizzical face. "And I would be like, 'OK.' "
Drama Meter Readout: Unlike some of the background actors clad in skimpy loincloths, this one's a 10.
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"Memoirs of a Geisha"The Formula: Acclaimed novel + "Chicago" director x dozens of the world's best Asian actors = "Memoirs of a Geisha"
The Holiday Tale: Based on the New York Times bestseller, the beloved story is brought to the big screen with style to spare by Oscar-nominated director Rob Marshall ("Chicago"). Neither wife nor prostitute, geisha have been a source of fascination in Japan and the rest of the world for centuries, as they've entertained powerful men with so much as a dance or so little as a glance. Beginning in 1929, the film employs a who's who of Asian actors (Michelle Yeoh, Ken Watanabe, Mako, Ziyi Zhang) to tell the story of a woman enduring temptation, jealousy and cruelty while navigating high society.
Stick This In Your Stocking: Steven Spielberg clung to "Geisha" as his pet project for years before realizing that he didn't have the time to fully devote himself to the film. After handing it over to Marshall, Spielberg took a producer credit instead.
Hold On To Your Receipt: Like "Chicago," the visuals tend to have far more impact than the dialogue. Some lighthearted moments occasionally brighten the mood — some more effectively than others.
Drama Meter Readout: "Geisha" translates to "artist." "Memoirs of a Geisha" translates to a 9.
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"Munich"The Formula: Spielberg + historical religious-fueled drama x zero A-list stars = "Munich"
The Holiday Tale: The world watched in horror as 11 Israeli athletes were kidnapped and murdered during the 1972 Olympic Games. In an attempt to comment on the soulless demise of even the most righteous of assassins and the never-ending cycle of revenge that continues to fuel many of our world's conflicts, Spielberg follows a group of hired men attempting to kill the killers. Eric Bana ("Hulk"), Geoffrey Rush ("Quills") and Daniel Craig (a.k.a. the new James Bond) lead a solid group of actors cast for their talents, not their marquee value.
Stick This In Your Stocking: Murder, betrayal, paranoia and graphic re-creations of one of modern society's most tragic occurrences make "Munich" one of the season's heavier dramatic offerings. Jerry Seinfeld's sitcom incarnation once famously got caught making out with his girlfriend during Spielberg's "Schindler's List." All others, listen up: "Munich" ain't a Friday night date movie.
Hold On To Your Receipt: "It's a really powerful movie with an audience, it really is," Bana says. "I think the collective emotion [makes] it even more powerful. ... If you do [take a date], you probably shouldn't plan on going out dancing afterwards."
Drama Meter Readout: With eight letters in "December" and nine in "Spielberg," this one averages out at an Olympian 8.5.
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"Match Point"The Formula: Woody + Scarlett, divided by a homicide subplot = "Match Point"
The Holiday Tale: Taking a rare trip outside his beloved New York, Woody Allen has already earned four Golden Globe nominations for this tale set against the British upper crust. Johansson embraces her first true femme fatale role, and the rest of the young cast similarly relishes the adult opportunity to address jealousy, infidelity and a storyline that explores the very depths of moral conflict. It's heavy stuff to be sure, but Allen hasn't fully gone "Interiors" on us, as bits of his trademark wit and a healthy dose of irony turn the film into a holiday treat — as tasty as eggnog, but as powerful as the rum that your aunt sneaks into the bowl.
Stick This In Your Stocking: "I think it's unusual," Johansson says of the film's advertising campaign, which has focused on the young stars while barely mentioning the legendary writer/director. "I think people love to see the whole trailer and at the end see 'A Woody Allen film.' Everybody's going to be like, 'What? Woody Allen?' "
Hold On To Your Receipt: The film is radically different from most of Allen's catalog, and the young actors were as amazed by the writer/director as they were shocked by the freedoms he allowed them. "We were terrified at first; we felt like we were on one of those reality TV shows," laughs co-star Emily Mortimer. "The one note that he gave us was that we should just be free with his words. We should just make them our own, and we should make them sound like they came from our mouths."
Drama Meter Readout: Allen usually kills with the jokes, but this time he just kills: 7.
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"Casanova"The Formula: Heath Ledger - Jake Gyllenhaal = "Casanova"
The Holiday Tale: Popularly known as "The Other Heath Ledger Movie," "Casanova" hasn't garnered a tenth of the buzz that surrounds "Brokeback Mountain," and is being billed as a comedy by its own studio — typically the label of death for a film's Oscar hopes. Nevertheless, the tale of the legendary Venetian lothario gives the film a biopic quality, and you could set your watch by director Lasse Hallstrom's annual awards-season nominations ("Chocolat," "The Cider House Rules," etc.). Count on lots of love, a little bit of laughs and just enough drama to remind viewers what time of the year it is.
Stick This In Your Stocking: The real Casanova claimed to be a magician, and was convicted of witchcraft at age 30.
Hold On To Your Receipt: The odds of Heath Ledger pulling a rabbit out of his hat in the film seem highly unlikely.
Drama Meter Readout: Like Casanova in a ménage à trois, the movie lands right in the middle: 5.
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"Rumor Has It... "The Formula: Classic movie + Kevin Costner + red-hot tabloid star = "Rumor Has It... "
The Holiday Tale: "Here's the interesting thing," reveals "Rumor" director Rob Reiner. "The rumor was, when Charles Webb first wrote the book 'The Graduate' that the movie was based on, that he in fact based the characters on real people. ... The rumor was true. He told us subsequently that there was a real Mrs. Robinson." Using that as a jumping off point, Reiner's film gives us Sarah (Jennifer Aniston), a woman who discovers that she may just be the result of that now-legendary sexual tryst.
Stick This In Your Stocking: "At the time, it was pretty groundbreaking. It didn't have a happy ending, and it had an antihero in Dustin Hoffman and introduced a leading man that was a little off, unconventional, not the most handsome guy. It paved the way for me," co-star Mark Ruffalo laughs, remembering the 1967 film. Now he's excited by the risk-taking opportunity to capture lightning once again. "That's kind of been the battle cry of my career: trying new stuff."
Hold On To Your Receipt: The commercials have been pushing the comedy more than the drama, while the print ads are flaunting Aniston's midriff: Neither seem to indicate a serious awards-season threat. And, it's got Costner.
Drama Meter Readout: How many koo koos go with ka-choo? 2.
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"Cheaper by the Dozen 2"The Formula: Flying food + Steve Martin + Eugene Levy x scores of screaming kids = "Cheaper by the Dozen 2"
The Holiday Tale: The Baker clan returns — and if you're a fan of screaming kids, stressed-out parents and dogs biting crotches, get thee to the theater. Eugene Levy and Carmen Electra come along for the ride as the über-competitive Murtaughs, who challenge the group for three-legged-race supremacy.
Stick This In Your Stocking: The Bakers experience the miracle of childbirth, and Hilary Duff shares some tender moments with her young co-stars, but even Martin admits there isn't a great amount of dramatic heft. "They want to put stuff out that has no chance for an Oscar too," he laughs. "That's why our movie's coming out."
Hold On To Your Receipt: Directed by the man who gave us "The Pacifier," the film's shortcomings leave viewers facing down the good (Carmen Electra's nipple makes a cameo as she is knocked over by a dog), the bad (an elderly actor in a wheelchair gets knocked into the lake — repeatedly) and the ugly (Levy's face is awkwardly superimposed upon a waterskiing stunt double).
Drama Meter Readout: It's a sequel to a remake of a movie, no longer bearing any resemblance to its 1948 source material. What do you think?
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