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— by Ben Cosgrove
In one movie genre, at least, life is still a beach.
Of course, there's a little bit of leeway in the characteristics that turn a mere film into a "beach movie," but generally speaking, keep an eye out for the following plot devices: Young and eager members of the opposite sex hanging out together near, in, and/or on the ocean, preferably while on vacation (spring break, summer vacation, a winter trip to a tropical paradise). A guy and a girl pretend to hate one another but not-so-secretly want each other. Surfboards abound. Above all else, the requisite elements for a beach movie are, unsurprisingly, the simple joys of sun, sand, sea and sex.
In honor of the cultural significance of spring break, and the enormous benefits the tradition has provided to every civilization that has embraced its well-oiled allure, we offer up some old and new beach movie classics to get (and keep) you in an oceanic mood:
 "Step Into Liquid" (2003)
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Laird Hamilton, Rochelle Ballard, the legendary Malloy brothers and other famous and not-so-famous surfers ride waves, and then ride more waves, and then wax poetic about the sport and their mystical bond with the sea and then ride even more waves in this Dana Brown documentary about ... well, about riding waves.
"The Real Cancun" (2003)
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The "Citizen Kane" of reality-based beach movies, "The Real Cancun" follows a bunch of 18- to 23-year-old college students as they attempt to navigate the alcoholic riptides and sexual undertows of spring break in Mexico. So real, you can almost smell the coconut oil, with pungent secondary notes of anxiety, jealousy and desperation lingering beneath. Good times, good times.
"American Pie 2" (2001)
Friendly faces (and other bodily areas) return to the big screen in this sequel to the hugely popular 1999 original, "American Pie." After their freshman year in college, Jim, Oz, Kevin and the rest of the lads rent a house for the summer on the sandy shores of Lake Michigan, and hormonal wackiness ensues. As close to the genuine spirit of spring break as one can get when the nearest ocean is a thousand miles away.
"The Beach" (2000)
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Richard (Leonardo DiCaprio), a young American backpacking through Southeast Asia with some friends, meets a nut job in Bangkok who claims to know of a place that is literally heaven on earth: gorgeous, uninhabited and primeval. Richard and his friends go there. They find the most beautiful beach any of them has ever seen. They believe they've found paradise. It's like spring break on Turks and Caicos, but without the jet skis and expensive blue drinks with umbrellas sticking out of them. And then things start to go wrong. Very, very wrong. Just like on any other spring break.
"Revenge of the Nerds II: Nerds in Paradise" (1987)
Lambda Lambda Lambda! OK, so it's not a rallying cry on a par with "Boola! Boola! Yale!" or "Hook 'em, Horns!" But when the geeks from Tri-Lamb head to Fort Lauderdale for a frat convention and inevitably butt heads with the jocks from Alpha-Beta, the showdown assumes all the drama and intensity of that pivotal scene in "Gladiator" when Maximus and Tigris of Gaul meet in the Colosseum — except that in "Revenge II," no one gets attacked by tigers or suffers the indignity of having his foot impaled by a battle axe. The nerds do get some sun, though, which is quite heartening.
"One Crazy Summer" (1986)
Another nice-folks-meet-bad-folks-by-the-seaside doozy from the mid-'80s, "One Crazy Summer" stars a teenage John Cusack (looking about 8 years old); a sweet, girlish, and uncharacteristically relaxed Demi Moore; and Bobcat Goldthwait as a local Nantucket weirdo named Egg Stork. (Yes, Egg Stork.) The convoluted plot involves rock bands, grandmothers in danger of eviction, preposterously unthreatening biker gangs and Cusack and Moore coyly falling in love despite all the North Atlantic sand accumulating in their teeth and hair.
"How to Stuff a Wild Bikini" (1965)
Not content to make the strangest beach movie to ever hit the screen, the folks behind "How to Stuff" managed to come up with one of the most absurd motion pictures ever created. Period. The original well-tanned Romeo and Juliet (Frankie Avalon and Annette Funicello) star in this lighthearted beach romp that during production appears to have made a detour through Salvador Dali's studio. With plot "developments" that include a white witch doctor (played by Buster Keaton!), a gang of silly bikers and an irresistible woman conjured from thin air (who then catches the eye of a lunatic advertising exec who wants to make her famous) — and all of it accentuated by groovy '60s party music — "How to Stuff a Wild Bikini" is too weird and wonderful to ignore.
"Where the Boys Are" (1960)
Paula Prentiss, Connie Francis, George Hamilton and a cast of other soon-to-be-famous hotties star in the mother of all spring break movies. Not only does this flick feature one of the great theme songs in cinema history (sung by Francis), but it also single-handedly created and defined the genre: Girls and boys head to the sun and sand from the cold weather up north, and all sorts of things begin to thaw and heat and boil.
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Photos: Universal Studios
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