|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
— by Larry Carroll
You've worked all winter perfecting that crease on the bill of your new cap. You've snatched up tickets to the best games of the season, mapped out the route from the cheapest parking lot three blocks away and practiced your boos for Barry Bonds. If it's spring, then it's time for baseball, and this season should be as much fun to watch as Marlins pitcher Antonio Alfonseca's sixth finger.
As the romantic leads in "Fever Pitch," Jimmy Fallon and Drew Barrymore received a crash course in baseball etiquette while portraying two BoSox superfans. And now, for any ballpark rookies who might be tempted to indulge in a fifth-inning stretch, head for the restroom during the national anthem or duck in order to avoid a thrown bag of peanuts, the two are happy to share their newfound knowledge.
Rule number one, according to Barrymore, is to always dress up. "Definitely!" she enthuses. "For sure, paint your face and maybe have two [hot dogs] coming out of your ears."
While Fallon agrees that dressing up can be fun, he says it's not nearly as cute when men do it. "Uhhh," he groans. "Well, you need the guy. You need the guy who paints the face. So I'm going to stick up for that guy. I would never do it. But you need that guy."
As for the proper ballpark cheer, Fallon likes to personalize it with the "SNL" improv skills he spent so many years honing. "You need the 'you sucks' here and there," he claims, smiling mischievously. "But I like to make up words to the instrumental songs."
Using the always-popular da-duh-da-da-duh rhythm as a template, Fallon offers up an example: "There's a line for the bathroom, but I have to go really bad, so I do what I have to do: pee in the sink!"
"No one else does that chant but me," he points out.
 |
|
|
 |
|
|
|
Superfan? Your game day outfit looks bizarre anywhere other than the ballpark.
|
|
Normal fan? You like heading out to the ballpark but wouldn't miss work for opening day.
|
|
Rookie fan? You look forward to the hot dogs, peanuts and Cracker Jack.
|
|
|
|
 |
Take our quiz and find out what kind of fan you are.
|
|
"I like the 'Sweet Caroline' cheer," Barrymore says, referring to the old Neil Diamond song played at every Red Sox home game. "Singing that song ... so good, so good, so good."
Any hardcore baseball nut will tell you that the wave is only supposed to be done when the opposing team is at bat, to distract the hitter. According to Fallon, however, there's no such thing as a wrong time to stand up and sit down with 50,000 strangers. "Yeah, of course I wave. I'm a wave fanatic," he says excitedly. "Hands up, hands down. No one will see the wave if you do thumbs up, thumbs down. That's a very small wave."
Barrymore insists baseball fans need to do more waves if they want to keep up. "I don't notice the wave happening in baseball as much. It seems more like a football thing. I don't know. There weren't a lot of waves going around when I was there."
New baseball fans are encouraged to make signs to show their support, but Fallon does offer one important warning: "You have to carry it with you [or] it gets covered in beer and stuff. By the end it's like, 'Let's go blah blah.' It's supposed to say, 'We love you Red Sox!' "
Then there's the divisive, ethical dilemma of catching the opposing team's home run. As the angry fans around you insist you throw it back, what do you do? "I don't want to hate one team and love another," says Barrymore diplomatically. "But I'm sure if you're a loyalist [keeping it] would probably be bad etiquette."
Fallon disagrees, saying that a game ball is far too valuable a souvenir to simply toss back. "You keep it, just be classy. I don't like that new stuff of throwing it back. It's a baseball. I mean, it was held by your pitcher. Come on, that's cool. The guy's bat just hit it. It's not like his hand touched it."
Then there's the ultimate ballpark sin: standing behind the home plate screen and talking on your cell phone to someone watching on TV. "Yeah, not cool," Barrymore says, shaking her head. "I'd say put the cell phone down and enjoy the game."
"Not cool at all," agrees Fallon. "Not cool, unless you're waving. 'Dude, look, I'm on TV, man!' Yeah, then it's cool, especially if you're an old lady."
Finally, Barrymore and Fallon offer up their advice on any fan's most difficult challenge: overcoming the ban of alcohol sales during the final innings. "I'm Irish, so I mean, please," gripes Fallon. "They should never stop selling alcohol in general. You bring one of those CamelBak things that you go hiking with. Yeah, fill it up with some vodka and some ice cubes. You have to."
Barrymore has a similar strategy. "You reach into your backpack that you've already stored and stocked with beer so that you're safe to get you through the rest of the game."
And there you have it: Grab your cap, glove and ice-cold backpack, and Fallon and Barrymore will see you at the ballpark.
|
|
|
|
Photo: Darren Michaels/20th Century Fox
|
|
|
|
|
