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— by SuChin Pak

I'm no actress. But I won't lie and say that I've never dreamed of telling people that I work on movie sets for a living. So when a friend of a friend called to say that he had a tiny cameo in a movie and asked if I would like to spend a few days in the south of Spain saying a line or two, I jumped, leaped, squealed at the chance. OK, so the sequel to "Deuce Bigalow: Male Gigolo" is no "Citizen Kane" — but like I said, I'm no actress, either.

 MTV Exclusive clip:
Rob ruins some seniors' day and SuChin is on the scene

September 21

I rented "Deuce Bigalow." I'm not a film critic but movies about male gigolos generally don't make it onto my list, so it's easy to see why I missed this one. All right, I'd be lying if I said that there was cinematic magic being made here, but I'd also be lying if I said that I didn't laugh out loud ... a lot. Yes, there are those cheap jokes where the girl at the aquarium tank gets her white T-shirt wet. Yes, Rob Schneider gets intimate with every category of degenerate female and then some, including one of the funniest scenes with a large, black man dressed in lingerie. But, you know, if you dig a little deeper, the story is really about an insecure guy who never got the girl, who ends up finding out that the secret to getting a girl isn't about what's in a gigolo's pants, but his ability to understand what's in her heart.

I swear, if you rent it, you'll totally get what I'm saying.

October 3

I can't believe it. I'm in Malaga, Spain. It's been a day of planes, airports, bus stations and taxi cabs and finally, with the ocean breeze blowing in our hair, we're shuttled to our all-inclusive resort, minutes away from the set. "Deuce Bigalow: European Gigolo" takes place in Amsterdam and for the past four months they've been shooting there; this is their final scene and their final week. The story continues the adventures of Deuce Bigalow, only this time, he must contend with male himbos all across the European continent. (Admit it, that's kind of funny.) Almost everyone on the bus is a crew member, most of them from Amsterdam. Hardly anyone speaks English and it seems I'm the new girl in school.

 "Deuce Bigalow: European Gigolo" trailer

October 4

I wandered into the restaurant at the resort, where meals are served according to the color of your wristband. In one of the buffet trays, there was a fish head floating in a vat of oil. For dinner, I think they fried the leftover fish heads. There were a lot of fried fish heads for dinner.

October 5

I didn't sleep at all last night. My call was at 6 a.m. and it was still dark when I left the hotel to walk to the set this morning. I have three lines and I've been going over them all night, all morning ... "thesevisuallyimparedseniorcitizenswill-fulfillalifelongdreamthesevisusally ... " I play a reporter who is at the scene where a group of blind senior citizens are swimming with dolphins and, well, something goes horribly wrong ... use your imagination. Being on a movie set on location is like going away to summer camp. Strangers just get stuck together for months on end and you live with all of these characters and their odd habits and personality quirks and you can't ever imagine how these people get along outside of this bubble. And over time, even just a few days, it becomes this surreal family — you develop stupid nicknames, you tell the same stupid stories and laugh at the same stupid jokes. It's amazing how quickly these things happen without you even noticing.

I realize that we are going to do this same scene, which probably lasts about two minutes in the film, for the next three days — all day, starting before the sun rises until the sun completely sets. There are nine fewer people on crew today because a nasty bug is going around and everyone is getting food poisoning. The assistant director and video-playback guy were the last two to go down yesterday. We still have two-and-a-half more days of shooting. Imagine a crew of about 100 people, cranes, cameras, extras, mechanical dolphins and senior citizens floating in the ocean — all here to fill just a few moments of the film. The funniest thing is that this beach, on the strip of southern Spain, is doubling as Malibu. They've even built a lifeguard shack like you would see on an episode of "Baywatch," and they've outfitted the Spanish extras in bright T-shirts and board shorts from Old Navy. Magically, it looks like a busy day in Malibu. The set is insane — producers shout in English, Dutch coordinators translate into Spanish over walkie-talkies and everyone seems to understand each other. It's hysterical. I ask how they're going to translate all the extras who are speaking Spanish in the background. They'll re-dub the voices in English ... of course.

 "Deuce Bigalow: European Gigolo" Photos

October 6

There's this tiny restaurant/shack on the beach near the set. It's a hut with a few tables, open to the sea. I sat down for some lunch on a break and a goat walked in, put its front legs on the bar and stood there for a while. No one even looked up. I know it sounds like the beginning of a bad joke, but I swear this is the truth.

Rob Schneider came to the set today and he kept saying how he wasn't traditionally handsome, but "sneaky handsome" — his looks sort of sneak up on you. Maybe it was the heat, but I think I laughed so hard that I threw up a little of my ham sandwich. I have one funny line in the script and he kept fussing with it, having me say it different ways. I notice that no matter what kind of a movie you're making, it's like this: 20 people pore over every sentence, every pause, every gesture ... the director, producers, Rob. I say my line and they wanted a boat to float by in the background. Every time I did a take, we would have to reposition that boat. Rob would direct the Spanish translator through the walkie, he would relay the information to the captain and it would all be timed so the whole thing floated by as I delivered my punch line. I read this sentence no less than 15 times.

 "Deuce Bigalow: European Gigolo"
MTV News Special Report

October 7

It's the last day of the film. I'm kind of sad and getting really used to sitting on a beach. Three more crew guys came down with the bug and I think I've got something rumbling in my belly — I have a feeling I'll be lucky number 13. We shot this scene today where a group of extras are supposed to be watching their loved ones being attacked by dolphins. The director asked them to react with shock and disbelief. I'm standing there, holding my "news" mic, "reporting," with the "American" family members behind me and this guy keeps yelling, "Mama Jesus!" every time the dolphins go nuts. I had to muster every bit of strength to keep from cracking up. I wonder what these extras go home and tell their families they did today. They must think we're all crazy in America.

October 8

I'm on my way home. Last night, they had a beautiful wrap party at that beach shack with the goat. They brought this tiny boat onto the beach, lit it on fire and roasted fish on wooden spears. At the end of the night, flamenco dancers appeared out of nowhere and we toasted our trip to Spain. Don't blink, you'll miss my big film debut ... do me a favor and laugh really loud when my joke comes up.

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