Spring Break Etiquette
Okay, so Spring Break isn't about holding onto your inhibitions--or much else. But you don't want to wake up one morning with that feeling that's even worse than the most massive hangover--that "oh god, what the hell was I thinking last night?" brain-spinning, crawl-under-the-covers-and-assume-the-fetal-position shame spiral. Have no fear--just follow our rules of Spring Break etiquette, and you should be able to live it up worry-free.

1. Know your limits. No one wants to see you puking in the bathroom, or worse, in the middle of the dance floor. And no one wants to ruin their own good time by holding your hand, holding back your hair, or holding their breath while you pray to the porcelain goddess, or by taking you back to the hotel and tucking you into bed. So be aware of what you're drinking and how you're feeling throughout the night. You don't want to wake up the next day and not remember how you got home the night before. Trust us.

2. You read rule #1, but you just didn't pay attention, did you? Well, if you've been an idiot and suddenly have the urge to purge, don't grab your neighbor's margarita glass or purse to use as a barf bag. Head for the nearest bathroom, pronto. Try to use the toilet, not the sink. Can't make it to the loo? Duck outside and find a hiding place--around the corner of the building, next to a car, behind a trashcan. The key to puking politely is to puke privately.

3. You know that drinking and driving don't mix. Same goes for dialing: Do not call exes, currents or potentials during or after partying. No matter how much fun you’re having, no matter how many “epiphanies” you’ve had during the night, no matter how much you miss your honey--just don’t do it. And if you do, and the answering machine picks up, do not leave a message under any circumstances. You saw what happened to Rachel on Friends.

4. Keep your clothes on! Remember, you never know if you'll wind up on our next Cancun: Uncensored show, wearing nothing but some melting whipped cream on your naughty bits. Or worse, you could be watching TV with Mom and Dad when the commercial for Girls Gone Wild comes on--and hey, doesn't that topless girl with the blond ponytail and pink polka-dotted bikini bottom kind of look familiar…?

5. So you've disregarded rule #1 and rule #4, and you're itching to bare your bod. Well, if you're going to show some skin, you better be in prime condition. Anything pasty, flabby or excessively hairy is better left covered up. Choose your moments carefully: Mooning or flashing your bare breasts works best when there's some kind of reward at the end, like a big, wet smooch or at least a free drink. Don't simply do it for shock value. Because that would be just plain tacky.