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Mara's Commentary

What a long and strange journey this has been. I don’t even know where to start. When we moved into the pledge house I think we all knew there would be issues between pledges living in the house and those who weren’t. What I didn’t expect was the resentment from so many of the sisters. I mean after all, they signed us up for this didn’t they? I had no idea how much negativity was actually present from day one, until I watched the show. I was blown away. Seeing the sister’s initial reaction to Candace, Amanda and Jordan cleared up so many things for me.

The pledge process was interesting, for sure. During that time, I experienced such a wide range of emotions--mostly, I felt as though I was exhausted all the time. Although it's not so clear on the show, I was also coaching gymnastics, working as a peer advisor, helping to coordinate the peer counseling program on campus, taking a full course load, and pledging--not to mention having cameras in my face all the time. Just a side thought: Think about how you look when you wake up in the morning, then think about having that captured on film with the prospects of all of America seeing that…not so pleasant. Anyway, I think it is safe to say that the thing I felt most of all during pledging was tiredness.

Pledging definitely had its fun times: Big sis revealing, retreat, exchanges, rush events, and of course VEGAS! But it also had its hard times: “concerns,” moving rocks, being yelled at for misbehaving, pledge quizzes, challenges, and of course, COLLAGES! Just kidding, but you get the idea. There were times when I was happier than I have ever been, there were times when I was disappointed, disgusted, irritated, and then there were times when I was so frustrated I wanted to scream.

In the beginning, there were doubts about a lot of things, but my intentions were not one of those things. But then I made two fatal mistakes: I became friends with my pledge sisters and I left formal. The minute I began to hang around Amanda, Candace and Jordan the questioning began. People began to say, “Mara is Jordan’s follower,” or “those girls in the pledge house are out of control” and so on and so forth. Most of the people making these claims never hung out with us enough to know any of these things, they were just assumptions and speculation for the most part. Yeah, we probably party too much, but no more than the other sisters, and had they been invited to come with us, I doubt they would have been so “concerned.” So finally, those issues calmed down. But then, Jordan and I left formal. I am tired of saying all the reasons behind our leaving this cherished event. The bottom line: I didn’t like the hotel, it wasn’t safe, I asked Jordan to leave with me, we left. (For those of you who asked, it was in the Tenderloin district in San Fran--ask a native San Franciscan about the area). And as for the dance itself, I was bored, my date was bored, we were in San Francisco surrounded by things to do, so we left. Whether that was right or wrong is a matter of perspective and opinion. However, I have no regrets, and could I go back in time, knowing what I know now, I would still leave. I guess that is just me. Call it brattiness, snobbishness, selfishness, independence, individuality, whatever! Call it what you will, it was my choice and I embrace it as such. When all is said and done, is anyone really going to care how long anybody stayed at the Sigma formal? No, I would certainly hope not.

Oh, one more thing people ask me all the time...that moment with Amanda and the white t-shirt guy. Well, white t-shirt man was never my boyfriend. And no, I will not clarify the bleep from the message Jessica relayed. If you really want to know, you can e-mail me and ask. But I should have just bit my drunk tongue and kept my mouth shut about the whole thing. That whole conflict could’ve been avoided. I still think the way the situation was handled from that point on was cruel and unfair, and I feel really bad for putting Jessica in that position. The way Amanda talked to Jessica was wrong, and I don’t appreciate the change in her tone when she confronted me--all apologetic and sympathetic versus mean and disrespectful. In fact, I didn’t even know she was mad at me until I watched the show. I was told that she was only mad at Jessica for relaying the message, and when she talked to me about it, she was just apologetic. I was shocked to see her and Candace talking about me doing that on purpose, and to see her being that mean to Jessica. Watching that again made me want to hurl! Adding to that, the way that Jessica was treated in the house in the beginning was really unfair. Not that I wasn’t guilty of it also, I was. But looking back, it was really mean! Random again, I know. But, Amanda and I had issues outside of that one incident and that was really the culmination of the problems. I got really mad at her for starting a fight on my birthday. And it did create a division within the house, more so than already existed. We had our problems, but in the end we all pulled together...at least somewhat.

To be continued...

Come back after the Season Finale to read the rest of Mara's commentary.

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