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The Osbournes






Ozzy's Zoo
Ozzy's Zoo





Lola
 Pet Photos

The Poop: The most divisive and most studied member of the household, Jack's bulldog exhibits frequent fits of barfing and s***ing, including unholy steaming dumps of "plutonium turds." Inappropriate peeing and chewing are behavioral bonuses. Ozzy often torments Lola with a barking bulldog puppet to work her into a rabies-like lather.

Sharon's Diagnosis: On the one hand, "Lola is very big and boisterous and adorable." On the backhand, "Lola, you're a s***head."

Jack's Diagnosis: Said in a joint consultation with Sharon, "You know why my dog's dysfunctional? 'Cause it's like me-it's angry at you."

Ozzy's Diagnosis: "Lola is insane. She's a f***ing Froot Loop." And most disturbing, "She's trying to destroy me."

Our Diagnosis: Our heart goes out to Lola, the canine "Pink" of the Osbourne house. She's perpetually missundaztood. Yes, she's obviously oral and anal expulsive, but she does not put her fleshy body through that torture to destroy the Osbournes and disgust America. Nay, it's a cry for help as she seeks the love, affection and, dare we say, the celebration she so needs and deserves.

Or there is a simpler explanation. Consider that Lola has expelled a curious mix of milky white and chocolate brown substances, and in a key scene, she is chewing a solitary sparkly white glove. Lola may have simply eaten--then barfed up and crapped out--Michael Jackson.


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