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Sorority Life: Episode 8

Sweet Sara’s Gone, Julia’s a Slacker and Mackenzie’s Gone Wild

Another fine production of Sorority Life from the girls. I find myself drifting in and out of a coma every time I watch or write about this show. Sorry if my commentary sucks/doesn’t make sense, I didn’t have much to work with. I loved when I heard one of the sister say, “You dashed like ass,” yet another priceless quote from S(o) L(ame). Alrighty, let’s talk pledge books! I feel so bad for you pledges, so strenuous, why don’t you go sit in your nice little hot tub and ponder what you will do in your free time tomorrow? Must be nice.

Speaking of hot tubs...let’s cut to it now. Nicole, did I hear you correctly? “What if I untied your bathing suit?” I think that is a little scandalous and possibly crosses the line from girls being just friends to being more than friends. Woah! Enough of that already. Sara’s here, I think this is so sweet of her to give the girls cards. I’m totally on Sara’s side of things here. I respect her 100%; a fulltime job/student and taking care of her grandmother? I can’t believe you would deactivate her. I would hope you wouldn’t deactivate a sister who had family problems and wanted to go to school and do well. Honestly, family’s #1, school # 2, and job to pay for school #3, then the sorority. She obviously wants to be there. She is a girl with heart. Mackenzie is right on the money when she says “denying her to have a social life and make girl friends.” F--k that s--t, girls! Big turnoff for you guys to get rid of her.

Yes, folks it gets even more nasty. Yes, more nasty strippers, except they’re dudes. Ewww—fast forward this shiznit. Wait, what’s up with those sweaters, Stacey? Hot damn good deal on those I take it? Who knows? By the way, great facial expressions. Mackenzie, a little lap-a-roo? You like that guy with the crustache? Nasty! If I were Dougieboy, I’d say, “peace out.” Let’s go look for some s--t now—scavenger hunt time! Fraternity Life had a scavenger hunt as well, except the brothers didn’t get mad when they couldn’t see the clues, they just drank their faces off and went to the notorious Brass Rail (home of Cindy, Mary Lou, and Sparkles). Julia, you are acting up again, and apparently are a “clue hog” (according to Janel). Are you f---ing kidding me? Man, I couldn’t take this s—t. Girls, haven’t we learned not to annoy Janel? We have previously established that Janel gets her panties all in a bunch when she is irriated.

To Stacey’s house we go, where Stacey’s mother runs an illegal sweatshop knitting those inner tube sweaters in a dark corner of their basement. That is drama for another episode. Nicole, did you get that jacket from them? Or are you enlisting? I can’t see your torso, take off that jacket it is messing me up! Julia, you are getting on the sisters nerves, uh oh! Looks like you want to be a sister too much by participating in this little hunt. Watch out. Janel, I will “throw up on your face” if I hear you talk about clues that way again. Thank Maggie for that idea. Then to Nick Tahoes, home of the Garbage Plate. I’m sure you all ate one there and got one to go...I would have. Girls, don’t look so happy! How could you be happy? Julia is the biggest clue hog!

Ooh, Mackenzie is a bad girl. Mackenzie Gone Wild, now available! She thinks it’s “no big deal.” Mackenzie, you are really kissing Doug’s ass and Doug, you are pussy-whipped mother f---er #2 (Alex being #1). You gave into that s—t? Well, I guess if you really love her and trust her, it’s all good.

Hey guys, it’s 1 a.m., sounds like a great time to deactivate Sara. Don’t take into consideration that she has a sick grandma, a job and school to deal with and could probably use this time to get some sleep. OH MY GOD, Julia, you were out late being “completely disrespectful.” Julia responds, “Don’t worry I wasn’t at the bars or nothing.” Yep, I think we were. Back to the deactivation procedure, insert the two keys and pick up the red phone. Deactivation complete. Top secret s--t that needs to be taken care of at 1 a.m. Yo kiddies, take a look at this and keep this in mind: have you noticed between the two shows that it’s kinda hard to carry a serious relationship while pledging. Going from seeing a person for a long to not at all is certainly hard. This is a reason why I didn’t start anything with Nicole while I was pledging. It is too time consuming.

Julia, you are such a good girl. Got that damn book done. Why not throw a sex toy party? Right, must be nice to plan your own pledge schedule out. From the start of this I knew it would be bad when I saw them around those strippers, they were like flies on s--t. Getting a little getty? The finger tingle? The best one on the market? There’s a market for those things? This is like Sex in the City. Courtney, why would you put that s--t in Nicole’s afro? That’s nasty, you don’t know what lives in there! Just kidding (but still nasty). Girls, don’t get too excited, the finger tingler comes in a deluxe version including a 25-horsepower diesel engine with electric start; it also comes with replaceable batteries for prolonged use. (Price does not include trailer and diesel fuel. Training is required.) Nasty, the slip-on tool? This isn’t rated PG, I should called the grandparents at the nursing home and let them know that the bridge club shouldn’t watch this week’s and advise them to switch over to a little Howard Stern instead. This definitely wasn’t one of my best pledge events.

Next Week: Maggie’s done with the psycho boyfriend, watch out folks, the kid looks like he’s gonna jump at the camera and cameraperson. Nicole thinks there’s “not a better night to do it” (kiss). Hmm.

He Says/She Says
The guys aren't the only ones who get to speak up! Find out what DZO pledge Maggie has to say about Fraternity Life...and Sorority Life too.

  Maggie's Commentary

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