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Survey Shows Enormous Support for Virginity
By Anna Bialek, 16,SEX, ETC.
Virginity and the decision to become sexually active is, ultimately, a very personal choice. And, just as the Social History of Virginity describes, young people's beliefs about the issue vary.
The Kaiser Family Foundation and seventeen magazine tackled this difficult subject in the newest SexSmarts survey, "Virginity and the First Time," which polled 508 young people in the U.S. about their attitudes, opinions, and experiences related to these issues. The results show decisive support for virginity in high school-more than nine out of ten teens agree that being a virgin is a "good thing" (with more girls in agreement than guys).
Although 75 percent say that choosing not to have sex can be a difficult decision, 74 percent believe teens are "supported" if they choose to wait. Currently, nearly half of all high-school teens have had sexual intercourse, according to the U.S. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention.
Why Wait?
Young people who have not had sex cite concerns about pregnancy, HIV/AIDS, and sexually transmitted diseases (STDs) as their top three motives for saying no. Moral or religious values and knowledge as well as the influence of sex ed made it into the top ten. Overall, according to the survey, young people believe that waiting for sex brings a "variety of benefits, including: respect, control, and freedom from worry about sexual health risks."
Seventeen-year-old Stephanie Nolasco, of New York City, agrees with the findings. "Virgin is a pure status you hold on to as a person," she explains. "Once you lose it, you can't reach that status of purity in the same sense. When you're not a virgin, you're forced to become more responsible with making decisions, like avoiding pregnancy and STDs."
The survey also polled young people about the benefits of waiting to have sex. Nearly all (93 percent) say that "respect for yourself" was the number-one benefit of waiting. More than nine in ten cite "staying in control of your relationship," "respect from parents," and "keeping true to religious values" as other leading benefits. Respect from friends fell to fifth place, and 79 percent say that not having to worry about pregnancy and STDs is also a perk of waiting.
Seventeen-year-old Michael, of Milwaukie, OR, had sex for the first time and then thought, "That was it?" He now sees benefits in waiting and feels teens should "hold on to their virginity as long as possible. I pointlessly gave up my virginity at that moment instead of waiting for the right person, and I regret it to this day."
Saying "Yes" to Sex
A third of those surveyed in the SexSmarts survey have had sex, and they report several factors as influences in their decision. "Curiosity" is the reigning one, with 85 percent of young people citing it as a reason.
"I didn't wait to have sex because I was extremely curious," concurs Sami, 17, of Calabasas, CA. "I had sex with a friend, not even a very good friend at that. I just wanted to get it over with and know what it was like."
Although curiosity leads the category, it is closely followed by the partner's desire to have sex. Eighty-four percent had sex for the first time because their "partner wanted to." In contrast, Eighty-three percent who had not had sex cited not having met the right person as a reason for waiting.
The third reason respondents said "yes" to sex for the first time was because they "felt like it was the right time." However, many disagree on what constitutes the "right" time. Twenty-six percent say that it is OK to lose your virginity at age 18. An equal number, however, agree that being married or in a committed relationship is the right time. More girls than guys personally felt that marriage is the right time.
"Age doesn't matter," explains Lieschen Gargano, 17, of Boulder CO. "If you're at the age where you feel mature enough to take care of yourself and handle the repercussions of your actions, than it's your decision to choose when and under what circumstance you lose your virginity."
Love & Happiness
The idea of being with "the right person" was supported throughout the survey. More than three-fourths (76 percent) of sexually active young people say that having "met the right person" helped them decide to lose their virginity. On the same note, 83 percent polled who had not had sex say their decision was influenced by not having met the right person.
Being "in love" with a partner helped 69 percent of teens who have had sex make their decision, and 65 percent said they were in a "serious relationship." More than half thought they would marry their partner; correspondingly, 70 percent hoped having sex would make the relationship closer.
However, many regret their decisions. Half of sexually active young people surveyed wish they had waited until they were older to lose their virginity, and one in four would change their first partner. Twenty-eight percent regret the decision altogether.
Valuing Virginity
The support for virginity in high school is overwhelming. The majority of those polled in this SexSmarts survey see tremendous value in waiting-regardless of their own personal decision about sex.
Anna Bialek, 16, of Princeton, NJ, is an editor for SEX, ETC., the national newsletter and Web site written by teens, for teens, on sexual health issues, published by the Network for Family Life Education at Rutgers, The State University of New Jersey.
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