Sure, we communicate with our friends or family on the less important things in life-like whether we can get our tongues pierced, what outfit we're wearing to a party, how sexy that girl/guy looks, or just gossiping about someone we cannot stand. But we sometimes fail to realize that there are issues of greater importance to talk about -- like sexual decision-making, sexually transmitted diseases (STDs), contraception, and unintended pregnancy.

In fact, according to a recent Kaiser Family Foundation and seventeen magazine SexSmarts survey of 15- to 17-year-olds, only one in 10 teens who've had sexual intercourse talked about it with his/her parents first. And fewer than a third have talked with a health care provider about HIV/AIDS, other STDs, or condoms.

But communication can only help you make healthy decisions about your sexual health. And talking honestly with health care providers can help you stay protected from STDs and/or unintended pregnancy, or get the proper treatment if you need it.

You might be wondering, "How am I going to talk to my girl/guy about our sexual pasts?" Or "How am I going to tell my parents about sex? It's not like, at the dinner table, I can just say, 'Pass the potatoes. And, oh yeah, I'm thinking about having sex.' Or 'Had an STD lately?'"

To learn the finer points of communicating about sexual health issues, I spoke with Jane Bogart, director of the Center for Health Promotion at New York University Health Center, in New York City. She gave me some tips on how to communicate with partners, parents, and health care providers about sex.

Talking with Partners
First off, when starting a conversation about sex, Bogart advises that we set realistic expectations and understand that timing is key.

"It's important to recognize that not everyone feels comfortable talking about sexual issues. So, whom you choose to talk to about it is important in the response you get. And with partners, in particular, timing is key." she says.

Bogart also suggests using conversation starters, like a TV show or article, to ease into a sex talk.

"It's helpful to have a way of addressing it, like you could give a magazine article to your partner, and say, 'Here's something interesting I read; can you read it and talk about it?'" she explains.

Along with timing, Bogart suggests that we have an idea of what our main points will be in the discussion and prepare for unexpected scenarios.

"It's helpful to rehearse and know the points you want to make beforehand. Also, be clear about what it is you want to say or ask, and then prepare yourself for several possible responses that person might have. Chances are they're not going to say exactly what you want them to say," she says.

And Bogart adds one important point about disclosure. In a conversation about sex, don't ask your partner to talk about a personal issue that you're not prepared to talk about, too. So, if you're ready to ask your partner about any past sexual partners or STDs, be prepared to disclose the same about yourself, too.

"Disclosure works both ways," she says, "and sometimes it's helpful if you disclose first and make yourself more vulnerable."

Talking with Mom or Dad
Now let's be real about talking about sex with our parents. But keeping an open dialogue with your parents is just as important as talking with partners or health care providers, and you might be surprised at how helpful it can be.

Bogart suggests that we first understand that our parents are people, too-and they might feel nervous about the topic.

"Not all parents know how to talk about sex, and not all of them feel comfortable. They may not have been talked to about sex by their parents, so to expect them to automatically have that conversation with you without making mistakes or feeling uncomfortable is an unrealistic expectation," explains Bogart.

To have that talk with Mom or Dad (or both), Bogart suggests easing into the topic of sex. One way to do that is to choose less personal and more "neutral sexuality topics."

"You might want to have a conversation about a friend, and then let them have their reaction to the topic without getting defensive about it," says Bogart.

Talking with the Doc
Another important person to communicate with is your health care provider. In terms of people in your life, health care providers are probably the most knowledgeable on STDs, contraception, and pregnancy, and can give you correct sexual health information. They can also advise you on contraception and help you stay safe or get the proper treatment if you need it.

But first, you need to make sure you find the right health care provider for you-someone who's familiar with adolescent sexual health care. To find out if a health care provider is cool talking with young people about sex, Bogart advises that you pay attention to his/her questions during the first appointment.

"If your health care provider is not asking you questions about sexual health in the intake interview or on the intake forms, then chances are they might not be comfortable with adolescent sexual health issues," she explains. But, that doesn't mean that you shouldn't ask questions about your sexual health and start the conversation yourself. See if that makes things feel more comfortable.

Bogart adds that if you don't feel like your provider has the answers you want, then you may need to find one who does.

So, how can you find a health care provider that understands young people's sexual health issues? You can definitely try Planned Parenthood 1-800-230-PLAN. You can also call the CDC's National STD and AIDS Hotlines (1-800-227-8922) and ask for a health care center in your community that serves teens and young adults. Or, check out your yellow pages and call a health clinic or your local hospital, since many have adolescent health centers or special hours when they see young people specially.

As you can see, communication with your partner, parent, or health care provider is the key to good sexual health. And, guess what? If you're not willing to talk with a partner or health care provider about sexual health, then you might as well pull up your pants and strap that bra back on because obviously you are not ready for sex.

-Daryl Hawkins, 16, of South Orange, NJ, is an editor for SEX, ETC., the national newsletter and Web site written by teens, for teens, on sexual health issues, published by the Network for Family Life Education at Rutgers, The State University of New Jersey.

 Visit SEX, ETC. at www.sxetc.org