Sex-it's something that occupies a great deal of time in the human mind, especially the mind of a young person. Since sex is the focus of so many of our conversations, abstaining from it can seem absurd.

But it isn't. I have chosen to be abstinent. The definition of the word "abstinence" varies from person to person, but my definition is simple: to be abstinent is to not have sexual intercourse, whether it's oral, vaginal, or anal.

Many young people are abstinent for religious or moral reasons, but I'm abstinent because of health and responsibility issues. I'm choosing to abstain simply because, at 17 years of age, I'm not prepared to face the consequences of my actions.

There are certain physical risks with sex, like sexually transmitted diseases (STDs) and unplanned pregnancy. And I just don't think it's the right time for me to face them. I'm at an age when I should be enjoying every aspect of life without worries, and sex brings worries that I can do without.

There are also emotional risks to sex. I think one should be emotionally mature before having sex, since it can change many things. Talking with my friends, it seems like sex creates a need for more sex, even when the two people having it aren't always emotionally connected. Physicality in relationships is an integral part, but sometimes sex overpowers the important emotional aspects of a relationship.

Sometimes, as an abstinent youth, it's like being in a different world. But, in reality, it isn't, since many young people don't have sex. I'm a lot like any other person, except a little safer. I have just as much fun as everyone else, go out to the same places, and have solid relationships, just not ones with sexual intercourse.

But because of our society's stereotypical gender roles, the scrutiny on abstinent males can be intense. Typically, guys are supposed to be "out on the prowl" to find girls and have sex. In more chauvinistic circles, men who choose not to have sex are considered less "masculine," and they may even arouse feelings of homophobia in others. Because of this, you'd be hard pressed to find a guy who admits that he wants to be abstinent. In the past, I've lied about my sexual experience, just to be accepted by other guys. If I hadn't, would certainly have been teased.

A strong sense of individuality and perspective help me stay strong and not give in to "guy" pressures. Whenever I feel like I should just do what's typical for guys, I take a good look at what is best for me overall, and what I want to do rather than what others want. I don't let my peers' judgments sway me, since I have to do what I feel comfortable and content with.

Since abstinence is not a lifelong commitment, I prepare by making sure that when I do eventually have sex, it is done safely. Safer sex means using a latex condom and another form of birth control each and every time you have vaginal or anal sex, and using a barrier method (like a latex condom or dental dam) when you have oral sex. It also means that you and your partner get tested first, to make sure you don't have any STDs (since some STDs have no symptoms).

Many young people say they'll have sex when they meet the right person at the right time. To add to that, I say: when I'm the right person. I know I'll be the right person when I'm older, more mature, and have a clue what I'm going to do with my life. When I choose to be sexually active, I will have an emotional bond with my partner, something that won't be changed by sex, except for the better. And I will be responsible enough and prepared to handle the consequences of our actions.

Kedar Mankad, 17, of Edison, NJ, is an editor for SEX, ETC., the national newsletter and Web site written by teens, for teens, on sexual health issues, published by the Network for Family Life Education at Rutgers, The State University of New Jersey.

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