 |
Baby Mama Drama: What Would You Do?
By Melissa Duval, 17, SEX, ETC.
Mallory, 17, and David, 19, of Sumner, WA, didn't
expect to produce something that would bond them
together for the rest of their lives. But they did-a
baby girl named Adrianna. The chances were high,
though, since they were having unprotected sex for a
year and a half.
Louis (a.k.a. "Pito"), 23, and Susie, 20, of Queens,
NY, knew each other since high school. At the time,
they were young and it was "puppy love." But they were
also having unprotected sex. After the "booty call,"
Pito tried to separate himself from Susie, but then he
found out she was pregnant.
In True Life: I've Got Baby Mama Drama, we saw how sexual
risk-taking leads to life-changing decisions. And it's
not all smooth-sailing, as Mallory and David and Pito
and Susie face difficult love relationships,
concerned parents, harsh courts, and tough futures.
In the following 11 scenarios, SEX, ETC. breaks down
the misinformation and myths that lead many young people to
unplanned pregnancy and sexually transmitted disease
(STD)-and we give you some of the tools you need to make
healthy sexual decisions in your lives. We also ask
you to imagine yourself in Mallory's, David's, Pito's,
and Susie's shoes and think about what you would do.
Scenario 1: Taking Risks
Even though they weren't planning to become parents,
Pito and Susie were having sex without protection. And
Mallory and David were having sex for a year and a
half without using protection. (Mallory seemed
surprised by her pregnancy, since they'd had
unprotected sex for so long without getting pregnant.)
So, here's an obvious question: If you wanted to
prevent unplanned pregnancy, what would you do?
The answer is simple: Use birth control each and every
time! With all the different birth control methods
available-from the latex condom to the birth control
Patch-there shouldn't be such a high rate of unplanned
pregnancy among young people in the U.S. But many
young people don't realize they have all these options available
or they don't know how to use these methods correctly.
Stop the madness: Get educated about birth control
methods and find out which one is best for you, click here.
Myth: If you or your partner haven't gotten pregnant after
unprotected sex, it's just not going to happen.
Myth Busted: Each time you have unprotected sex,
you're taking a big risk. And just because you don't
get pregnant (or contract an STD) the first or tenth
time, it doesn't mean you never will. The best way to protect yourself is to abstain from sex. If you are sexually active, you need to use a birth control method correctly and consistently every time you have sex.
To read the personal stories of other young people on pregnancy and parenting, check out The National Campaign To Prevent Teen Pregnancy.
Scenario 2: Get Real with Myths
David said that since he smoked so much pot, he
thought he couldn't get a girl pregnant (this is not
true-guys who smoke pot can still get a girl
pregnant). How can you find out the truth about drugs and sex?
You could ask a sex educator at school or submit your
question to one of the reputable online sexual health
experts at Go Ask Alice! or Ask the Experts (or search their Frequently Asked Questions).
You could also ask a doctor or health care provider at
a family planning clinic. (Many clinics like Planned
Parenthood take male clients, too.) You could look in
the yellow pages under "clinic" or "family planning,"
or call Planned Parenthood at 1-800-230-PLAN (7526) or
click here.
Scenario 3: Unprotected Sex, Now What?
After having unprotected sex, Mallory and Susie could
have taken something within 5 days to prevent
pregnancy. What is it?
A woman can take emergency contraception (EC) a.k.a. "the morning after pill", a
hormonal method that can prevent
pregnancy when taken up to 120 hours (5 days) of
unprotected intercourse. In all states except
California, Alaska, and Washington, you need a
prescription for EC. (In the other three states, you
can get it right from a pharmacist).
To learn how to "Back
Up Your Birth Control," click here. For more on
EC, call 1-888-NOT-2-LATE (668-2528) or click here.
Scenario 4: Know Your Options
When Mallory's home pregnancy test came back positive,
she showed David the results. She said she never saw
someone so scared in her life. If you or your
girlfriend got pregnant and you didn't want to become
a parent, what other options do you have?
Abortion or adoption. For more info on these options,
click here.
Scenario 5: Don't Just Go It Alone
Throughout her pregnancy, Mallory talked of feeling
alone and abandoned by David. If you're young and
pregnant-and don't get enough support from family or
friends-where can you get emotional support?
You can get support from a youth support group in your
community or connect with one online. Some are created
just for pregnant or parenting young people. In support
groups, members pledge confidentiality, so whatever
you say in the group will remain in the group.
Many young-parent support groups help young people remain in
school or return to school after pregnancy. They
also prepare them for life after pregnancy by
enhancing their parenting skills. These support groups
work with school and state programs to find young
parents that qualify for child care, too.
To find one, ask your local family planning clinic or Planned Parenthood Health Center. Look in the yellow pages under "clinic" or "family planning," or call Planned Parenthood at (800) 230-PLAN (7526) or click here.
Myth: Young mothers are all alone.
Myth Busted: Not true-if you're young and pregnant, or
about to become a young parent, you're not alone.
You can check out these resources by teens, for teens at GirlMom.com or HipMama.com.
Scenario 6: Know Your Rights
David is pushed by his mother to fight for full
custody of his baby; Pito wants full custody of his
baby, too. If you're a young dad, do you have a right
to do this?
Yes, you do, explains Paula Roberts, senior attorney
for the Center for Law and Social Policy (CLASP), in
Washington, D.C.
"Each parent has the right to custody, and each has
the responsibility for supporting his or her
offspring. This is true whether the couple are
teenagers or adults," says Roberts.
For more info on custody rights and child support,
click here. Or check out www.teenparents.org.
Myth: If a dad isn't married to the mother of his
child, he has no right to get custody of his baby.
Myth Busted: It's all about paternity, (which means who conceived the child not who is married to the mother) that
establishes the father's identity, explains Roberts.
"Once paternity is established, both parents have
rights and responsibilities toward the child," she
says.
Scenario 7: Understand the Patterns
Neither David nor Mallory have father figures in their
lives. If you grew up without a dad, will it affect
how you feel about parenthood?
Well, that depends on other aspects of your life,
explains Ted Sikes, male responsibility educator at
WiseGuys, in Greensboro, NC.
"Some research indicates that without a father in his
life, a young boy is more likely to be violent and do
poorly in school. In addition, young boys often, but
not always, get the message that fatherhood isn't
really something that important and that it doesn't
need to be taken seriously. This is because they see
that their own father hasn't been there for them.
"More importantly, without that father figure, it can
be difficult for young men to understand what it means
to be a father. Without guidance, they are almost
forced to try and figure it all out on their own."
But it doesn't mean they'll become "bad" or absent
fathers, explains Sikes.
"Some young men gain determination from this
situation. They may see this as a challenge to
overcome, and many have been successful at doing just
that. This determination may come from the fact that
they do not want to be like their father; instead,
they want their child to see what it really means to
be a good father," he adds.
Scenario 8: Go from Problem to Purpose
Pito says that becoming a dad saved him from going
down the wrong road. Young fatherhood helped him
turn his life around. Where can you find other
examples of young dads becoming role models for
others?
Many national organizations give a shout-out to young
fathers who make a difference, according to Sikes.
For starters, check out the National Center for
Fathering and Father Matters. Or check out this info.
Scenario 9: Learn What It (Really) Takes
David says that he should have full custody of his
daughter, because she'll have a better life with him
since his family has more money then Mallory's. Is he
right?
Absolutely not, says Sikes.
"Money does not automatically make someone a good
parent. There are great parents out there in America
who have to struggle to make ends meet, and there are
average parents out there who are very well-off
financially. Parenthood takes so much more than money,
though. It takes dedication, patience, and, most
importantly, love."
For more on parenting, check out this info.
Scenario 10: Get Smart about Court
David files for full custody of baby Adrianna. He hires
a powerful lawyer and Mallory says he has the money to
do it. Pito and Susie are both fighting for
custody as well. If you were in the same situation, where
can you turn to for legal help?
Unfortunately, no agencies in the U.S. have a specific
mission to help young parents, according to CLASP's
Roberts.
"A state child-support enforcement agency will help
young mothers establish paternity and set a support
order. However, that agency is restricted from helping
with custody issues. A teen mother facing a custody
suit (or a teen father who wants to bring such a suit)
will usually have to hire a private lawyer. If the
teen is low-income, he or she might be able to get
help from a local legal services program or a law
school clinic. Whether a legal services or clinic
program handles such cases is up to them," she says.
To find your state's child support agency, click here.
Your agency should connect you with statewide or
county legal services programs.
Scenario 11: Get with the Program
At the end of True Life: I've Got Baby Mama Drama, Mallory gets to see Adrianna three days a week, and David sees his daughter the
rest of the week. What is this arrangement called and
how does it work?
Welcome to "visitation rights," which establishes
rules and a schedule for both parents to visit with a
child. A judge can deny or restrict a parent's
visitation rights.
"Most states have some law defining 'normal
visitation,' and courts will use that law in most
circumstances," adds Roberts.
For more on family law, check out this info.
Given the above scenarios, you can see how unprotected
sex can drastically change your life. But you can
avoid these challenges-and become a parent only when
you're ready to-by practicing abstinence, or reduce your risk by practicing safer sex if you are sexually active,
and educating yourself about birth control and
protection against STDs.
Better yet--you can use your own experience to become
a youth peer-to-peer counselor and help lower your
community's rate of unplanned pregnancy and STDs. Find
out how here.
Melissa Duval, 17, of Newark, NJ, is an editor for
SEX, ETC., the national newsletter and Web site
written by teens, for teens, on sexual health issues,
published by the Network for Family Life Education at
Rutgers, The State University of New Jersey.
 Visit SEX, ETC. at www.sexetc.org
|
|
