Ever since the Friday the Thirteenth series ended, I have been unable to find a celebrity who could fill Jason's shoes as my pop culture role model. But that was before Anne Robinson burst onto the game show scene, proving that the American public can embrace a cold, dismissive and sarcastic woman who sparks insecurity in those around her. It gives one hope. Especially me.

I find myself wishing that life were more like The Weakest Link. If only we could have a political system where the dumb people get voted out, instead of the other way around. And how convenient it would be if snappy putdowns caused those who annoy us to exit our lives immediately, sheepishly and permanently.

As my future in the entertainment industry is currently in question (I have completed work on the second Daria movie and my guest spot on Undressed was cut due to "lack of woodenness"), I need to think about the future direction of my career. The possibility of becoming a game show host seems more and more attractive. Why can't I turn a whiff of superiority and the fashion sense of a middle-aged frump into a lucrative gig? Don't I exude the saucy sang-froid of a dominatrix schoolmarm? Inspired by the caustic crabbiness of Ms. Robinson, I've decided it's time to enter the realm of buzzers, bonus rounds and brittle bravura.

So here are some shows ideas that I plan on pitching to the powers that be, the pathetic idiots:

1. The Berating Game: Host scolds contestants. Contestants harangue each other. The camerawoman gets into a fistfight with the sound guy. Then my mother shows up, tells us to stop acting like immature little children, and wins the bonus round.

2. Let's Make a Deal: The contestant is my sister and the deal is, "Here's five bucks if you go away." We both win.

3. Celebrity Solitaire: Washed-up comedians who aren't and never were funny sit quietly flipping cards while the host locks herself in a soundproof booth and naps through the gameplay.

4. Irony Chef: It's a trial of competitive cooking and battling bon mots when rival kitchenmasters whip up gourmet meals while tossing off sarcastic comments about each other's toques. If you can't stand the heat, stay out of the bitchin.'

5. You Bet Your Lichen: A childhood favorite adapted for television. Contestants lie prostrate on the floor in complete silence and make believe they are clinging to a rotting tree trunk. First one to move loses. E-Z closed captioning.

6. Win Ben Stein's Career: Contestants with no apparent charisma attempt to topple Mr. Stein from his perch as the world's luckiest one-note son-of-a-gun.

7. The Host is Right: Players don't get a word in edgewise as I answer all the questions in record time, collect my winnings, and, for good measure, make off with doors number one, two and three. Conflict of interest? You betcha!

8. Beat the Clique: Every week I whale the crap out of the Fashion Club. Hey, it's my show.

9. Mean For a Day: In a twist on classic 1950s game show scandals, I give the contestants all of their answers in advance and then change the questions on them.

10. Say "What Karaoke?": Self-explanatory.

Hmm. I just read the above once more and all I've got to say is…You ARE the weakest World According to Daria entry. GOODBYE!