She recorded two versions — one last year during her darker days and one after she left treatment — but, she told E! News, "It just didn't feel the same, so we kept the original one. For me it was ... so symbolic, it being the song I recorded before treatment and yet it was providing a message. It's so crazy the way things played out, that it ended up being my symbol and it represented what I'm trying to spread the word about: getting help and rising above any issues that [I and] my fans are dealing with."
As emotionally draining as it was to record the track, she said it also hurt her physically to be in the studio working on it. "I was doubled over, just in pain. I remember thinking, 'This is kind of my cry for help' back then, because I hadn't spoken to anyone about these issues," she said in the interview with Ryan Seacrest. "And I hadn't gotten the help that I needed."
Those emotions are also touched on in the video, which will be released this week. "That video was an emotional release for me, like therapy. ... I kept crying, I was so emotionally invested. ... That's when I realized, that's what music videos are all about.
"There were so many things that represented my addictions and eating disorders and self-harm," she added about the video. "When I'm unraveling this black fabric ... it was the toxicity that took over my mind for so long, that oozed out of every pore that I had because I was suffering inside. ... I'm taking it off and walking on broken glass and powering through it."
Lovato is very open about the fact that, while she isn't hurting herself anymore, she still isn't 100 percent. "I'm not going to be perfect, but ... if I can make it through the day, that's all that matters," she said. "It's a daily journey, and it's definitely going to be a struggle that I'll have to deal with for the rest of my life."
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