The stage has gone quiet at the Kodak Theatre. The celebs have all gone home. Everyone is heavy-lidded and hazily recollecting the winners and losers at the 83rd Academy Awards on Sunday. Along those lines, it's time for MTV News to fight off the sleepiness, down some caffeine and dole out some Oscar superlatives.

Best Attempt to Make the Show Run Long
Kirk Douglas' assigned task was to hand out the Best Supporting Actress award, but when the 94-year-old actor finally reached the microphone, he was in no hurry to cede the spotlight. Douglas joked with James Franco, flirted with Anne Hathaway, and made random references to laughing Australians and austere Brits. It was touching and awkward and utterly memorable. And it felt like it lasted 15 minutes.

Most Surprisingly Great Speech
This one is a tie between Christian Bale (Supporting Actor) and "King's Speech" writer David Seidler (Original Screenplay). Bale surprised even himself when he fought off tears while thanking his wife and daughter. Seidler, meanwhile, happily acknowledged being the oldest person ever to win Original Screenplay; not only is he a proud late-bloomer, he's a shining and articulate example of the ways in which a person can overcome a stutter.

Strangest Standing Ovation
The audience stood and applauded for everyone from Douglas to Eli Wallach. Hollywood legends, all. But everyone in the Kodak also got to their feet for Billy Crystal. Sure, he's been a damn fine Oscar host in years past, and who doesn't love "When Harry Met Sally...," but a standing O for Crystal just seemed weird.

Most Welcome Wins
While Christopher Nolan got screwed out of a directing nomination, he had to be one of the happiest cats at the show: "Inception" tied "The King's Speech" for most wins with four, including Visual Effects and Cinematography.

Most Gratuitous Use of Taylor Lautner's Abs
Hey, if you can't get any of the "Twilight" cast to show up to the Oscars, why not whip up a viral-video-ready mash-up? The Auto-Tuned faux musical number, "He Doesn't Own a Shirt," was not only a chance to see Robert Pattinson "sing," but it gave the Academy's millions of viewers an opportunity to gawk at Lautner's midsection.

Most Shameless Use of Prepared Text
There's nothing wrong with pulling out a scrap of paper while up on stage, Oscar in hand. Imagine your nerves? Yet after winning Costume Design for her work on "Alice in Wonderland," Colleen Atwood — who'd won two previous Oscars — buried her head in a prepared speech and talked as if she were delivering an elementary school book report rather than a speech during Hollywood's most glamorous night.

Performance Most in Need of Auto-Tune
Gwyneth Paltrow has been wowing us on "Glee" and simply killed it alongside Cee Lo at the Grammys earlier this month, but we're not gonna lie: Paltrow's take on "Coming Home" on Sunday was not her finest live performance.

Saddest "In Memoriam" Snub
Corey Haim failed to get a posthumous mention at the Screen Actors Guild Awards, leading his buddy Corey Feldman to lament, "We have become used to not being honored by our peers in the industry." Alas, Haim was once again snubbed, failing to make it into a video package honoring the likes of Lena Horne and Leslie Nielsen.

Stick with MTV News on Oscar night and beyond for red-carpet fashion coverage, analysis of the winners, plus interviews, photos and more from your favorite Hollywood stars!

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