" 'American Idol' in 60 Seconds" has fast become an MTV News institution, but it goes by so fast that it's not always easy to catch every golden nugget. So, here we present to you a slightly altered script of the weekly bite-size recap of "Idol" high jinks, plus a joke or two that had to be cut for time!

This week was the "American Idol" contestants' last chance to make the Top 12, so you know what that means: A lot of desperation and a lot of tears ... and that was just the judges!

Yes, it was a weird week of bad singing, really bad song choices and unbelievably bad split screens. But it's season nine, so what else is new?

Actually, a few things! Lacey Brown and Didi Benami finally sang well, Lee Dewyze sort of smiled and Tim Urban's take on Leonard Cohen's "Hallelujah" didn't completely, utterly suck.

[Ellen runs up to him and yells: "That was fantastic!"]

But let's not throw the boy a parade — especially when we also had Siobhan Magnus doing the Animals a cappella for her dad and Big Mike Lynche doing Kate Bush's "This Woman's Work" for hostile wombs everywhere.

[Kara talks about being moved because she doesn't have a baby!]

You know what was also sort of gross?

[Ellen: "Cocky banana."

Simon: "Picture Randy in a bikini."

Andrew: "Gotta rub me the right way!"]

Thank heaven for Crystal Bowersox, whose amazing "Give Me One Reason" gave everyone a new reason to love her.

On Thursday night's results show, producers continued to remind us how much better season eight was — especially following the departures of Lilly Scott and Alex Lambert.

Seriously, America? Most of my favorites eliminated? I hope you choke on a cocky banana!

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