There's so much excitement surrounding
Below is our detailed examination of Brit's big-top-heavy "Circus" video, from the just-released album of the same name. Read it closely, because you don't want to miss a single dancing mime, top hat or barely there bikini top. After all, it's Britney ... uh, bitch.
0:01-0:07: Britney liberally spritzes herself with a strategically placed bottle of her fragrance, Curious, in a rather unsubtle bit of product promotion.
0:08-0:24: Brit marvels at — then models — a pair of diamond earrings.
0:25-0:31: As the video begins, we see Brit in a very pretty silhouette and some doves flying out of a top hat. Then Brit places the top hat on her head. Oh, wait, no she doesn't! Coy!
0:32-0:44: As she does a chair dance, Britney informs us that "there are only two types of people in the world: those who entertain, and the ones that observe." (Guess which category she falls under?) She then goes on to proclaim, "I'm a put-on-a-show kind of girl."
0:45-0:52: Uh-oh, Brit's pulling on the ringmaster coat, and she's prowling around with a gang of circus dancers!
0:53-1:16: Britney and her Big Top friends cavort suggestively. We see ribbon dancers, contortionists, a sad clown twirling a paper umbrella and a mime on stilts. As an aside, with Brit, T-Pain, Madonna and Pink joining this craze, has there ever been a better time to be a backup dancer with circus training than right now?!?
1:17-1:24: Lights up, and we're literally inside the circus now, as Brit — in a feathered top hat and/or a nude-colored body stocking — struts through a routine and sings, "All eyes on me, in the center of the ring, just like a circus." That she is doing this while actually standing in the center of a ring causes my literal meter to short-circuit.
1:15-1:36: Britney is actually wearing sequined hot pants with her ringmaster ensemble. A gentleman in a half-tuxedo/ half-gown outfit picks up a cane and twirls it around. Then Britney does the same as we head into the "breakdown," which is required by law to be featured in every uptempo Spears song.
1:37-1:55: We're into the break, and Britney's got a whip! And a chair! (I sound like Jim Ross right now.) Hey, there's a muscular dancer in suspenders! You can probably guess how things play out from there.
1:56-2:00: Just how hot does a firecracker actually make things? Sterno cooking fuel actually might generate more heat through combustion.
2:01-2:19: Britney is showered in slo-mo sparks, kind of like at the end of "The Natural," only with less Robert Redford. She also performs a routine in a barely there bikini top. Her backup dancers sort of look like hobo versions of the Pussycat Dolls (which means that they actually could be the Pussycat Dolls?).
2:20-2:37: A quick montage of jugglers, clowns, bikinis and — yikes! — Britney surrounded by a pair of lions. Perhaps she really is taking this whole circus thing a bit too literally.
2:38-2:57: And hey, it's another breakdown! This time, Brit and company show off a full routine, interspersed with shots of a rather puzzled-looking elephant. Britney still has her bull-whip and the bikini. There are also lots of flames.
2:58-3:33: We head to the big finish! It's like the director just looked at the call sheet for the first three-quarters of the video and was like, "You know what? Double it. Double everything." So we get two elephants, two acrobats and twice as many fierce backup dancers. Some dude breathes fire toward the camera. Britney does a goofy hand jive and cracks up. There is much emoting. And stilt walking. Then, it's all over, and Britney is standing in a spotlight, laughing as she holds a top hat over her head. And you are overcome with the sudden urge to go to the Big Apple Circus. Or pick up some Curious perfume. Or you know, possibly both.
So what do you think of Britney's "Circus" video? Let us know below!