"Is America ready for a Kutcher?" Rob Corddry jokingly asked us during a recent interview, referring to Kutcher's proclamation that he would run for president. Funny, sure, but are we? Are we ready for a Kutcher that will drop his pants at the drop of a hat? Are we ready for a Kutcher that speaks two other languages? Are we ready for a Kutcher that has, gulp, crossover appeal?
Kutcher's latest, "What Happens in Vegas ...," which opens Friday against "Speed Racer," is the 30-year-old former "Punk'd" star's funniest — and most mainstream — film yet. And he's just getting started.
Ashton and Corddry sat down with MTV News to discuss the film, Jesus, the physics of high heels, Vegas, marriage and Kutcher's aims for the presidency. And they did it all in four languages. Seriously.
MTV: I just want to say, this is a very comfortable interview chair. Thank you.
Rob Corddry: I don't get the [big deal with] lumbar support. I don't like it. I have it in my car, and I never use it.
Ashton Kutcher: I think some guy invented it for women to get their breasts up. Because when you hit it, it really elevates the upper body. Your window's right here, so if they're slumped, you don't get to see their breasts, but if you hit the Lumbar thing, it's like oh!
MTV: All innovations started with a desire to see breasts.
Kutcher: That's what high heels are for, right? Butt out, boobs out. I talked to Tommy Hilfiger about that. He actually told me specifically that the high heel was invented for that very thing.
Corddry: That's just physics.
MTV: But the high heel was invented for dudes to wear first.
Kutcher: Is that true? What's up, Britannica? Did you ever read that book about the guy who made it his goal to read the entire Encyclopedia Britannica?
Corddry: A.J. Jacobs. He's got a new book coming out. He follows the Bible strictly for a year, to the letter.
Kutcher: Wow, I gotta read that. I love the Bible.
Corddry: I just like the sexy parts.
Kutcher: I was thinking the other day that if the messiah actually did come back, nobody would believe this guy. I was reading an article about this guy in Russia who claims to be Jesus returned. Maybe he is, [but] we're all like, "Who's this a--hole?" If Jesus walked in the room right now and said, "I'm Jesus," I'd be like, "Get the f--- outta here." And everybody would do that! If Jesus did come back, he'd be in Vegas, though. It would be some guy on the street in Vegas.
Corddry: The money lenders.
Kutcher: I was also thinking that if Jesus came back, he would walk on water around celebrities to get more known about, and [because of "Punk'd"] they'd be like, "Where's Ashton Kutcher?" They'd be looking for me [or] David Blaine.
Corddry: Maybe David Blaine is Jesus.
Kutcher: He could be. I've seen him levitate.
MTV: Getting to your new movie, Tina Fey told us that any movie with a wedding is a chick flick. Is this a chick flick?
Corddry: It's barely a wedding.
Kutcher: Any movie that has a drunken wedding, where the bride and groom can barely stand up, tends to go the other way.
Corddry: I see what she's saying, and she's right, but when you see this version of a wedding, it's not what she was ...
Kutcher: Here's what negates the wedding in this film: This is a film about why she shouldn't get half.
MTV: So if my girlfriend is dragging me to one movie this summer with a wedding in it, this should be it?
Corddry: Yeah, come to this one. Name another one with a wedding in it besides "Sex and the City" and "Made of Honor" and ...
Kutcher: Does [the "Sex and the City" character name] Mr. Big refer to [Chris Noth's] eyebrows? Is that what they're talking about? 'Cause his eyebrows are wicked. I feel like he's farming those things. He could, like, move stuff into the eyebrows and grow it and sell it.
Corddry: I just heard his eyebrows are getting cast in a lot of movies off that.
MTV: I don't like the slogan "What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas."
Kutcher: Yeah, they just canned it.
MTV: What is it now?
Kutcher: "Show me your Vegas."
Corddry: "Your Vegas is showing."
MTV: I don't like that one, either.
Kutcher: I'll show you where they came up with it. [Stands up, begins to unzip his pants.]
Corddry: Don't show him your Vegas!
Kutcher: It just says, "A-S" but later, the whole "V-E-G" comes out as the good times go.
Corddry: Did he just whip out his Vegas?
MTV: You gotta do better than that. Give me a better slogan.
Corddry: "Vegas: Have a bite to eat."
Kutcher: "Vegas: Give me my money back."
Corddry: "Vegas: The higher floors are quieter than the lower ones."
Kutcher: "Vegas: She looked like a woman."
MTV: Ashton, you just wrote a brutally honest piece for Harper's Bazaar listing the do's and don'ts for how women should dress. Give me the do's and don'ts for marriage.
Kutcher: When you're in bed, and you're married to someone, don't fart under the covers and trap her under the covers, because she gets pissed.
Corddry: And that's just dangerous. She could suffocate.
Kutcher: Other do's and don'ts: Don't sleep with her sister. She gets upset. Don't call your children little piggies, especially if they're hers. Alec Baldwin could tell you that does not go well.
Corddry: Unless your kids deserve it.
Kutcher: Do use those newfangled light bulbs that take up less energy.
Corddry: You know what? You're not going to have to change them as much as you change regular light bulbs anyway, so it gives back to you.
Kutcher: And that will keep a marriage together.
MTV: In this movie, everyone's got a hidden talent. What are your hidden talents?
Kutcher: I know how to say, "Dude, Where's My Car?" in Japanese. [Speaks Japanese.] Actually, what I just said there was, "Dude, we speak Japanese! Sweet!"
Corddry: I know how to say, "Your mom's in my business" in Chinese. [Speaks Chinese.] It's actually "Your mom's in my studies" because they don't have a word for "business."
Kutcher: I know how to drink wine in Hebrew. [Speaks in Hebrew.]
Corddry: These are not secret talents.
MTV: Ashton, where do you see your career in five or 10 years?
Kutcher: I have a couple movies that I did after I finished "Vegas." There's a really dark drama movie I did, and then sort of, like, a porno-pseudo-comedy movie. So maybe I'll do some more porno.
Corddry: You gotta branch out.
Kutcher: It worked for Jenna Jameson. I was actually in London last week, and they knew who Ron Jeremy was. He's a famous porn star in London as well. I didn't realize that porn stars were famous in other countries. I thought London had their own. Apparently they don't. I think we have, as a country, kind of a corner on that market, so I was thinking about venturing that way a little further.
Corddry: I think that's a smart move.
Kutcher: After that, running for president. I figure if we can get a white woman or a black man elected ...
Corddry: We can get a Kutcher in there. Is America ready for a Kutcher?