Has all this best-actor talk got you agitated? Are you getting down on best director? Can anyone really explain the difference between the Oscars for Achievement in Sound Editing and Achievement in Sound Mixing?

It's that time of year when those same old categories are debated while the average moviegoer is ignored. And once again, this reporter is thinking back over hundreds of hours spent in darkened theaters in order to compile the annual Other Awards (check out last year's winners here). These are the most beautiful, bizarre and downright baffling moments of 2007, folks. And yes, I really did see all these movies.

· "Most Valuable Facial Hair" Award — Jason Lee's left eyebrow, which he raises to comically emphasize a punch line no fewer than 11 times in "Alvin and the Chipmunks."

· "Thanks for Warning Us" Award — Nicole Kidman's snoozefest "The Invasion," which had the tagline "Do Not Fall Asleep."

· "Best Tattoo" Award — Chris Parnell in "Hot Rod." His stomach displays Calvin from "Calvin and Hobbes" urinating on both an FM radio and a television set as an AM radio flies safely overhead on a magic carpet, giving the thumbs-up.

· "Oddest Pronunciation of an Easy-to-Pronounce Word" Award — Denzel Washington in "American Gangster," repeatedly emphasizing the wrong syllable in "ambulance."

· "Dare You Not to Cry" Award — Susan Sarandon, looking through the blinds at her dismembered son's remains, in the movie "In the Valley of Elah."

· "Most Unlikely Comedy Gold Mine" Award — Accidental pregnancies, as seen in "Knocked Up" and "Juno."

· "Best Nude Scene (for the Guys)" Award — Natalie Portman in the brief "Darjeeling Limited" prequel "Hotel Chevalier" (8:12-10:51).

· "Best Nude Scene (for the Ladies)" Award — Viggo Mortensen's sauna fight in "Eastern Promises" (1:17:26-1:20:50).

· "Best End Credits" Award — "Slipstream," which played the entire movie over again, extremely fast and backward.

· "Best Opening Credits" Award — "The Kingdom."

· "Best Justin Timberlake Video That Wasn't Really a Justin Timberlake Video" Award — JT's identity-shattering, mind-numbing take on the Killers' "All These Things That I've Done," as seen in "Southland Tales."

· "Laziest Promotional Trend" Award — Commercials featuring multiple rapid-fire cuts of various characters saying the same word (typically, the main character's first name). "Fred Claus" (Fred, Fred?, Fred!), "Dan in Real Life" and "Bee Movie" were just a few of those who thought that drilling words into our heads would make us buy more tickets than actually showing something funny.

· "Second-Laziest Promotional Trend" Award — Basing your entire marketing campaign around brief, nonrepresentative scenes with actresses like Jessica Biel ("I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry"), Jessica Alba ("Good Luck Chuck") and Scarlett Johansson ("The Nanny Diaries") exposing their underwear.

· "Most Unexpectedly Badass Moment" Award — The final hit in the polar bear smackdown from "The Golden Compass," a jaw-dropper if ever there was one.

· "Best in Show" Award — Buttons, the wheelchair-bound pooch in "Year of the Dog" (with apologies to Will Smith's "I Am Legend" K-9 companion).

· "Gratuitous Boob Shot Most Likely to Make You Question Yourself for Looking" Award — The uncomfortably lengthy peep at a table-cleaning wench in a low-cut dress in "Beowulf."

· "Most Mysterious Facial Hair" Award — Nicolas Cage's sideburns, which went missing sometime between "National Treasure" and this year's sequel, "Book of Secrets," leaving Ben Gates' hairdo with a decidedly mystifying look of its own.

· "Funniest Line in an Unfunny Film" Award — "This is my first torture," Jake Gyllenhaal, "Rendition."

· "Worst Hygiene" Award — Jon Heder, enlisting help from Ben Gourley to pop his back zit in a rest-stop bathroom in "Moving McAllister."

· "Best Silent Movie" Award — The opening 21 minutes of "There Will Be Blood."

· "Best Man-on-Fruit Love Scene" Award — (Tie) Dan Fogler and his grapefruit ("Good Luck Chuck"), and Emile Hirsch and his apple ("Into the Wild").

· "Worst Performance by Someone Playing Herself" Award — News reporter Lisa Joyner in "Next," trying to work up some tears while delivering news of a catastrophe.

· "Best Scene-to-Scene Transition" Award — "Aqua Teen Hunger Force Colon Movie Film for Theaters," which not only employed cheesy star wipes, but even had a narrator whispering "Star ... wipe!" with each one.

· "Best Dance Move That Most Likely Voids Your Warranty" Award — The guy in "Stomp the Yard" who simultaneously spins on his head, takes out his cell phone and makes a call.

· "Most Plausible Phony Inventions" Award — Royce, the "Weirdsville" character, played by Wes Bentley, who has plans for both "Sprayonnaise" and "CigaTea" (habit-breaking, nicotine-filled tea bags).

· "I Can Do That?" Award — To the Transformers, who spend several minutes tiptoeing around Shia LaBeouf's house, trying not to be seen. Somehow it doesn't dawn on them that they could, oh, transform into cars?

· "Funniest Catchphrase That Never Caught" Award — Anna Faris' audition line in "Smiley Face," delivered with varying degrees of emphasis by her half-baked character: "Come on, Frank. You know I love surprises!"

· "Déjà Vu" Award — In both "Blades of Glory" and "Walk Hard: The Dewey Cox Story," Jenna Fischer has a comedic scene in lingerie, suggestively licks ice cream and rubs her tongue all over the leading man's face during a make-out session. Is there an inside joke here that we're missing?

· "False Advertising" Award — Number of "balls" jokes in "Balls of Fury"? Sadly, a mere four.

· "Most Brutal Car Crash" Award — "Disturbia."

· "Most Beautiful Car Crash" Award — "The Lookout."

· "Movie Most Likely Written by a Yankees Fan" Award — "Reservation Road," in which Mark Ruffalo is exposed as a killer ... when somebody recognizes his Red Sox cap.

· "Lamest Attempt at a Twist Ending" Award — (Tie) "The Reaping" and "Saw IV."

· "Most Preposterous Character Name" Award — A three-way tie between Randy Daytona ("Balls of Fury"), Punky Bruiser ("Grindhouse") and Bob Lee Swagger ("Shooter").

· "Worst Movie to Watch on an Empty Stomach" Award — "Waitress."

· "Best Death" Award — Robert Duvall in "We Own the Night."

· "Most Disappointing Death" Award — Jay Hernandez's anticlimactic end in "Hostel: Part II."

· "Best Sight Gag" Award — The Temptations joke in "Walk Hard."

· "Worst Role Model" Award — Ryan Reynolds at the beginning of "The Nines," as his scandalous actor goes so far off the deep end that he's driving his Prius up to sketchy people on the street and screaming, "Hey! Do you sell crack?"

· "Best Music Video Trapped in a Movie" Award — The highway killing scene in "The Hitcher," scored to Nine Inch Nails' "Closer."

· "Best Nine-Word Summary of a Bad Situation" Award — "Juno" actor Rainn Wilson: "This is one doodle that can't be undid, home skillet."

Check out everything we've got on "Walk Hard: The Dewey Cox Story," "Juno" and "There Will Be Blood."

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