Labor Day has come and gone, and that can only mean one thing . . . . No, not that summer Fridays are over. It means awards season is underway! Nicole Kidman is already on a diet so she can squeeze into her Oscar gown, and the big studios are rolling out the movies for your consideration. Fortunately for film lovers, for every movie by Ang Lee or Wes Anderson there's a Dane Cook-Jessica Alba comedy. Here's our alternative to watching the leaves turn brown.
Release date: Sept. 14
Starring Jodie Foster, Naveen Andrews, Terence Howard
The pitch: Jodie Foster pulls a Death Wish, hunting down the men who took Lost's Naveen Andrews from her.
Why it could be great: Foster maintains her hold on the woman-with-balls market she cornered with the hits Panic Room and Flightplan.
Why it could suck: We miss Charles Bronson.
Release date: Sept. 21
Starring Dane Cook, Jessica Alba, Dan Fogler
The pitch: Dane Cook discovers that women want to have sex with him because they inevitably find their life partner afterwards. We should all be so lucky, but will Cook find true love with Jessica Alba?
Why it could be great: It sort of combines Hitch with Wedding Crashers.
Why it could suck: It's the latest in the great tradition of Dane Cook comedies like Employee of the Month.
Release date: Sept. 29
Starring Owen Wilson, Adrien Brody, Natalie Portman
The pitch: Writer-director Wes Anderson sends three brothers on a bonding railroad trip into the Himalayas. India plays itself.
Why it could be great: Everybody loved the quirky family dramas of Rushmore and The Royal Tenenbaums.
Why it could suck: Not everyone loved the quirky family drama of The Life Aquatic. Or You, Me and Dupree, for that matter.
Release date: Sept. 28
Starring Tony Leung, Joan Chen, Tang Wei
The pitch: Director Ang Lee follows up steers 'n' queers drama Brokeback Mountain with some cloak 'n' dagger hanky panky set in Shanghai during World War II.
Why it could be great: The cast is as sexy as it gets.
Why it could suck: Subtitles.
Release date: Sept. 28
Starring Jamie Foxx, Chris Cooper, Jennifer Garner
The pitch: Jamie Foxx is racing against rival intel agencies to find out who is blowing sh*t up in Saudi Arabia. Something tells us the answer is ripped from today's headlines.
Why it could be great: Foxx taking names, collecting dues, not singing.
Why it could suck: Movies about the Middle East (Home of the Brave, anyone?) are box-office poison.