Hick humor is hot, so it's no surprise that the blue collar comic is attacking the big screen in Larry the Cable Guy: Health Inspector. Need to know how he gits-r-done? Let's just say the answers involve mail order brides, police sketch-artists, and farms made out of Popsicle sticks.
Name: Daniel Lawrence Whitney.
Born: February 17, 1963, in Pawnee City, Nebraska.
First Memory: I was in a crib asking for more milk. Mom finished dancing on stage, came over, and gave me some. I have no idea how old I was -- 23, I think.
Biggest Thrill As a Kid: I had a little walkie-talkie that my mom got me. I'd go, "Breaker! Breaker!" A trucker came onto the thing and goes, "What's up lil' buddy?'" I was like, "No way!" I was about to wet my pants, running around the yard. "I talked to a trucker!"
Back or Front of the Class? I sat in the middle of the class and cracked jokes the whole time. My teachers would always want to send me to the office, but they were laughing too hard.
First CD Bought: Steve Martin's Let's Get Small. My favorite routine was "Happy Feet." Remember, he says "People come to me and say 'Steve, how can ya be so f*ckin' funny?' 'Well, before I go onstage, I put a slice of baloney in each shoe and I feel funny! It gives me happy feet!'" Dude, that's comedy!
First Concert: Buck Owens & the Buckaroos and Crystal Gayle at the Sydney, Iowa, rodeo. I was in a marching band and we marched in the rodeo parade. I didn't realize it at the time, but that's a great line-up!
First Love: My first date? I picked her up from the train station. I ordered her from Japan. Her name was Sukiyaki. I really didn't date a lot; I was chained in the basement.
Favorite Sandwich: A turkey club with a lot of ketchup. My wife makes a badass turkey club.
Favorite Item of Clothing: A pair of camo shorts, a sleeveless Nebraska shirt and a camo Coffeeville Stockyards ball cap. I buy the shirts and I cut the sleeves out. I bought a couple with the sleeves already cut out, but those are only for fancy occasions.
Previous Jobs: I finagled my way onto the police department as a sketch artist. I got fired after I led them on a wild goose chase looking for a stick man with a big round head.
Favorite Time of Day: The middle of the night. You're really not missing anything, there's not a lot going on. You're kind of tired -- ya get goofy. I write really good jokes at night.
Hanging On the Bedroom Wall: It's a picture of a pinto horse with a saddle on it. In front of it is a girl with her back to ya, bathing in the stock tank with a cowboy hat on. I picked that up at the Western Ware store.
Ideal Vacation: Being at my house with my wife and my four dogs.
Hobbies: I build little toy replica sale barns out of Popsicle sticks. I have a huge stockyard built with wooden fences, loading docks, sorting pens, catch pens, barns, pastures, feed lots ... It's probably 10 feet by eight feet. I keep it in my garage. And it's packed full of plastic cattle!
Ambitions: I'd like to do be a guest dancer on Riverdance. I pulled my groin practicing. I was doing a flying camel maneuver and I barracked myself on the couch. And if I make it on the Riverdance, I'm gonna quit it all and sell alpacas.
Favorite Madonna Record: The only time I had a car crash, I was listening to "Holiday"; I was leaving the mall. This woman stopped right in the middle of the intersection and I slammed right in the back of her. That ended my Madonna listening.
Swear Word I Use Too Much: The only swear words I really use are "sumbitch" and "bullsh*t." You can never use those two words too much. As a matter of fact, you need to use those more.