Wow! Two musical legends from two different eras getting together to write an album! What a presumably great idea! If only it was. I don't want to be the one to criticize two multi-talented and well-respected gentleman like Elvis Costello and Burt Bacharach, but their joint effort (Elvis's lyrics -- they wrote the music together) is a little hard to swallow. And it's not that I'm too young, or too X, or too cool to appreciate what they are trying to do, because believe me, I'm not. If anything, I have what you might call square-ish tendencies (I own a Boston Pops CD, and I paid retail for it). However, Painted From Memory, which should be an interesting synergy of styles and sounds, comes off more like musical Pepto-Bismal: too smooth, too soothing, too pink.

Somehow Elvis Costello's usually peppery vocals sound tempered set against Burt Bacharach's honey-coated 24-piece orchestra and tinkling ivories. I don't think either of these artists benefits from this collaboration. In fact, they kind of cancel each other out. The only song that sounds like the old Elvis is ""The Long Division,"" which has a little guitar action that is slightly reminiscent of The Attractions days. Otherwise, listening to the album, I feel like I'm in my doctor's waiting room (please pass the People Magazine). The record is only a few degrees away from – and it hurts me to say it – Muzak.

Burt Bacharach has experienced a revival with the youth set in the last year, due in part to his fun song ""I Say A Little Prayer,"" which was prominently featured in the box office ballyhooed My Best Friend's Wedding. He is the composer of many hit songs from the '60s and 70s, like ""Do You Know The Way To San Jose"" and ""Raindrops Keep Fallin' On My Head."" These have become modern classics. Burt also fit in perfectly to last years' Carnaby Street shagadelic '60s comedy Austin Powers: International Man of Mystery, which brought him to the attention of people who were born the year Star Wars was released. While there is a kitsch quality to the circa-Laugh-In Burt (as everything from that period has), he is a monolith of orchestral adult contemporary music whose songs are usually hooky and hum-able.

However, the music on Painted From Memory all seems to run together into one long cushy melody. I will say that the last track on the album, ""God Give Me Strength,"" does behold a dramatic crescendo with Elvis straining for the high note, but even so, it doesn't really distinguish itself from the rest of the LP.

Painted From Memory sounds painted from the soundtrack of Love American Style, an old show that may be a faint memory for most of you, if at all. But hey, what I'm trying to say is: Burt and Elvis' LP is a great gift for your Grandpa in Florida, or your doctor.